To move or not to move...

[RubyTuesday83]

I live in a lovely village close to everything you need really. My Mum lives in the house next door, it suits us very well. My Mum would like to move to lincolnshire coast, Huttoft or Sutton on Sea areas or nearby. The idea is to sell both houses and put the dosh together and my Mum have an annex so we could be by the sea and live a little more rural... have chickens, rescue animals and live the good life.

But.... is this looking at a move through rose-tinted glasses? We are happy as we are but I guess looking for a bit of an adventure but have a niggling feeling we might regret it.

I'd love to hear people's experiences of moving and whether it lived up to expectation and any regrets. Or anyone, that has moved to the Lincolnshire East coast and whether they enjoy it. Is moving as stressful as everyone says? It certainly seems a very daunting prospect 🙃

Have you had a look? Is this remotely realistic that you’d sell 2 houses at the same time and buy a house with annex and land by the sea?

My Mum has been looking for a long time so there's defo some good properties, it helps that houses where we would be looking are less and that houses in our area sell quite quick so it could be done 🙂but it is easy to get caught up in the idea of it.. a case of the grass is not always greener

Is there kids/jobs to consider?

Remote living isnt brilliant for the young.

No kids and I work from home doing online selling for a charity so I can do that from anywhere. My Mum is mid-70s and has some health issues so healthcare access is a consideration. We lost my Dad last year to Covid so it is a mix of not wanting to leave the memories but making sure my Mum gets to follow through on the plans her and my Dad had to move to the coast. It is a toughy

Do you currently have animals or know anything about looking after them? They are very tying and can be very time consuming and expensive. It's a lovely idea to 'rescue' them but do you have the knowledge and resources depending on if they have been neglected / badly treated. Beware of becoming the owner that they need rescuing from if you lack knowledge!!

I do think you have a rose tinted view. Rural living is not for everyone. Shops are miles away, you can't (depending where you live obviously) just pop out to pick something up. And I'm not talking about milk. I'm talking about if you need something from B&Q and the nearest one is an hour away, it makes doing a job so much longer or an emergency repair so much more difficult.

It can be amazing. And if you genuinely think you can enjoy living with fewer services, no public transport etc then it could be for you. I'd agree that if you have children it's not great as there's not much to do and you have to drive everywhere.

It's sounds like you have a lovely life now but maybe you need to try it? If you don't try it you might regret it, and you never know it could be your dream come true.

Rural living is tough particularly in winter - its honestly not as picture perfect as it seems. It can be very dark and depressing having no streetlights. If you have animal's you'll attract the attention of foxes and rats..I love it but it took a lo

Just seen your update. Healthcare access, especially emergency (eg blue light if a stroke etc) can take a very long time if you are rural. But then, it's not brilliant anywhere just now!! But I am speaking from experience and it's worth thinking about if your Mum also needs lots of regular healthcare appointments.

Took a long time to get there. You also need to consider financially what happens if your mum needs to go into care - can you afford it as her money will be wrapped up in one house? What happens if your circumstances change and you and your husband seperate. Sorry have friends in the same position regarding separating and it's a mess.

We have relocated to the rural countryside nearly 7 years ago. There aren't any facilities nearby, the nearest shop is 7 miles away.

It was a steep learning curve but we love it.

The downsides are

• distance from school. My littles ones have to leave the house by 7:30 to get to school comfortably on time.


• far from their friends and our friends. Visiting friends often have to stay overnight, or not visit at all. No more spontaneous visits.


• large maintenance cost for everything. When you have acres and acres of land you will either need a full time team to look after the grounds or outsource landscapers/gardeners which could be quite pricey. Buying your own equipment is fairly straightforward but the servicing of these little tractors and diesel run machines are tricky (costly and takes forever).


• maintenance vans coming in and out of the house weekly. Something is always going wrong.


• you must drive everywhere, and you must have a reliable car per person that can tackle extreme weather conditions. Elderly residents in my experience tend to prefer bungalow in the village centre, within walking distance to amenities. So that they can retain their independence and reduce reliance on others. Also able to mingle with others in clubs or sport activities.


• no take away deliveries here. I have to cook Every Single Day. Uber won't come all the way out here after a night out and taxis cost more than the whole night out. No night life and too far to walk to the pub.

If you are like me and can overcome these minor irritations then I think rural living is for you too!

Get yourself over to the elderly parents board for some of the pitfalls of multigenerational living. You already live close, in a known community, with presumably friends etc.

Worst scenario - Move to the countryside gets some goats and chickens and maybe a pony. You have these to look after but you have fresh eggs. Your mother gets frail you potentially have to do every little thing for her. Everything will take longer living rurally - so visit to hospital with say cancer services will take 40 minutes or an hour to get to; carers to help out will be in short supply. Online grocery shopping may be a no no, the animals still need tending to. There is no doubt you will end up totally tied. If a move was in the offing then that should have been done 10-15 years ago and now should be looking to move back to civilisation.

We live on the outskirts of a village and have lots of animals. They can be very expensive, especially with the cost of wheat going up. I do love it though.

I don't go out much or buy a lot of clothes or have any expensive hobbies, so the animals are my "thing". Lots of fun and very "the good life" when the weather is fair, a cold, mucky, dirty old slog in the winter at times.

Any other siblings that aren't going to look kindly at their inheritance being spent on buying you a bit house?

Sorry, I sound a bit doom laden, but I live rurally and it's a pain in the bum. I'd love to live 10miles down the road in the local small market town that has everything I need without having to jump in a car and drive.

Any chance you could take maybe extended holidays in the area? Have a summer let somewhere coastal?

Please don’t do this, for all the reasons set out above.

most elderly people who live in remote rural areas are desperate to move to the sort of village you seem to live in now. They are not wrong.

We moved to Monmouthshire for 4 years. It was a beautiful house in a village of about 20 houses, a Castle, Church & pub and was a tourist spot in summer, but definitely wasn’t for me. As someone says, the winters are much tougher rurally, you really notice the seasons more, everything was a 20+ minute drive, either to Monmouth or Abergavenny and I felt very isolated with not much to do, and felt very depressed and I’m not usually affected by depression. We moved back to Winchester this January and are now walking distance to town. I feel like I have got my life back and I’m back going to lots of events etc. I’m so happy again. Looking back we were very naïve. I also found the small village community very suffocating although people were friendly. I realised I prefer to be amongst more people but more anonymous, you were alway expected to join in & go to everything otherwise people thought you were being funny. I don’t think one is necessarily better than the other, but it’s definitely worth a lot of serious soul searching to think if it’s really for you. Good luck.

Don't do it OP - it's got a lot of risk attached with an older person who isn't in great health, my father in law is now stuck in a similar situation as his partner died and his health is no longer what it was - he needs to drive everywhere but is now finding it not so easy due to needing a new knee and deteriorating eyesight. It would be better to find a suitable property on the edge of a decent sized market town- one with a reasonable hospital

I think moving is stressful ,yes. But not all stress is bad for you .My mum moved from London to a small town in the Midlands in her early 70s .She did move back a few years later as the differences were too great .

But TBH ,her move away was triggered in large part by feeling stuck in a rut ,wanting to open a different chapter of her life .And I think she achieved and enjoyed that .I'm early 70's myself and can relate to that feeling of thinking that now is the time to make a leap .

I think if you've both lived in the village for decades that you might miss it .I don't suppose moving further out from the village would be an option ?

On the whole I'd say go for it ,a few rescue animals ( dogs ? cats ? ) sound doable .Not hens because their eggs and feed seem like a magnet to rats .

You'd need to get somewhere relatively easily maintained ,more grass cutting than gardening .

Good luck!

Also worth considering, is how quickly can you sell up and move back if needed. Rural areas usually take longer to sell. We were very lucky as we benefited by everyone wanting to move out to the countryside after lockdown & sold our house in 4 weeks, but normally rural houses take much longer to sell. Plus we didn’t stay there long enough that living somewhere cheaper prevented us being able to afford to move back.

Sutton on Sea isn't rural rural. Its has everything you need! Shops, doctors etc. It's a lovely part of the county. I take my ds to Mablethorpe for days out and am very fond of the area. SoS is a bit more posh that Mablethorpe. I think your mum would be sorted there, but visit the area and see if it's somewhere you could settle too.

Thank you for all the replies, it has certainly given me food for thought. I guess you just don't appreciate the impact of some things unless you are living/have lived them. I'll defo be chatting with my Mum again about some of the points made. Thanks for the insight 😘

I lived very rurally. Was positively evangelical about the lifestyle - it genuinely was perfect.
I had the smallholding, the chickens, goats, rescue cats and dogs. I fostered donkeys. I loved every second of it.
Then things changed. I got older, less inclined to jump in the car for a 20 mile round journey to the supermarket, I got fed up having to CONSTANTLY be doing 'stuff', maintaining, repairing, Improving.
When my last donkey left, so did I. I downsized into a house on the edge of a town (easily walkable cyclable), with a mini Sainsburys, pub, fish and chip shop and hairdressers a 2 minute walk away.
I can walk the dogs from the front door - a 3 minute walk takes me into a country park.
It was the very best thing I could ever do.
I don't regret my rural life for a second, but please think about getting a bit older - you really do need 'stuff' close by.