Anyone get the urge to just pack it all in and be totally non-traditional?

[peachpuppy]

I'm about to embark on an HNC course, followed by a university course, followed by child-rearing. I'm excited for all of these things but (in a probably privileged way) I can't stop daydreaming about having some kids in a small cottage in the middle of nowhere and pursuing my granny-like interests while being a SAHM for the rest of my life. I could probably get away with this as my DH also likes the idea of being semi-reclusive and has a full time job with lots of promotion potential, but I'm wondering if that's a reasonable thing to do or if it's just me being an over privileged reprobate...

Why not, everyone needs a dream and if it's achievable go for it.

I live in a small cottage in the middle of nowhere and can highly recommend it.

The only thing I'd say is that's it's worth keeping your own career going. I didn't and I regret it - not masses, but some.

Other than that, sounds great.

I have lived your dream. I agree with GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman
@Thisbastardcomputer
@Kittytheteapot
@Sarahlou63

Great to hear everyone's thoughts, cheers for contributing!

Either way I'm going to get a degree, that's essentially set in stone as it's free in Scotland and I'd be doing an OU course so could schedule it with starting a family.

I guess I feel like this is not an unrealistic model of life that I could have within the next few years, particularly as I'd love to be a SAHM and I've got Pathological Demand Avoidance (type of Autism) which would mean I'd have a hard time in a "typical" job environment.

If anyone knows how to negate the feelings of selfishness / stigma / lower worth due to reduced economic value please let me know though

Sense of lower worth?
Learn to value yourself for other things. I've worked PT for most of my DCs' lives, but I've done a lot of other stuff.

I do feel bad that DH has taken the weight of financial responsibility, but having DC, him doing his job and me working FT would have resulted in divorce...

My main concern would be what the kids would want as they grew up tbh. You can do all the things you want without being physically isolated

Why would your self worth be dependent on economic value? That's so sad. And also sexist, since it's usually women who give up work to be family carers. Also, you being a sahm allows dh to work with no childcare costs or worries, you are facilitating him being economically valuable.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman @frogswimming

It's not necessarily a choice - I do feel pressured to prioritise my work and climbing the career ladder as opposed to taking a more traditional route. Not saying this is good, and it's definitely instilled by my mum's rejection of the concept of me being a SAMH but I do feel like that sometimes. I'm working on it though, slowly.

@IndecentFeminist I mean I agree, that's true. I guess I'd want to be on the outskirts of a village or something- they'd need to be able to access schools anyway unless they wanted to be homeschooled which isn't something I'd decide on their behalf. So no living in a cave, just relocation to a slightly more rural area hahahaha

Make sure you have a driving license and an all terrain type car if you live in the middle of nowhere up a farm track.
It’s murder on the suspension. And you can be trapped in the winter snow. You might want to invest in a generator too.

I think lots of companies will feel the benefits of staff working from home as they will need smaller offices which will save them money, so it could suit you really well OP. You could have your cottage AND have a part time job. Allowing time for hobbies.

Corona could actually have some benefits, though it’s been at a hell of a high price for those who died of it.

Hey @Elieza, thanks for the advice! I'm working on getting the driver's license next year it's just a matter of time management hahaha! But I agree with you, while I wish Covid never happened, at least there's a small positive that employers can see people are able to do the same quality of work from home? Sorry if that's insensitive.

I'm assuming you're not in Scotland, btw? I'm considering moving up to the Scottish Highlands (depends where we can get a suitable house) as I think it'll suit our change of pace better than where we are now. Not looking forward to the winter months though! x

I’m a horsey person in central Scotland, so well familiar with driving up and down farm tracks to fields in the middle of nowhere at odd hours if the day and night on Christmas Day, Boxing Day and every other day in between in all weathers!

The rain, black ice and snow can be particularly hazardous! And paying the high price of petrol at pumps in villages and buying something for tea on the way home from a local shop instead of Asda can prove expensive. These things do cost more out in the sticks. And the broadbands crap.

My pals on farms have backup jennys for power during the worst weather, Oil powered heating via an Aga, outbuildings full of provisions for beasts and people, and large chest freezers that will keep your food frozen for days without power as long as it’s cold outside and you don’t keep opening them.

It’s a good life. I’ve been snowed in before and was quite happy with my boyfriend, coal fire and radio. If I’d had kids they’d have been bored out of their minds though!

Sounds like the dream! I grew up in a town in Perthshire and moved to West Lothian so I could rent a flat with my now husband but we are both itching for somewhere quiet and scenic hahaha! Though I'm sure whenever we find somewhere we'll have something to complain about- that's the way it usually goes x

There's plenty of people who live your dream... would you judge them? I know it's hard when you care what other people think and we have been socially conditioned that there are certain ways our lives should look but only you get to live your life. Do what makes you happy! If it stops making you happy then you can make necessary changes.

*obviously this is a very privileged take

I think it's wonderful that you have the choice ☺️

It sounds like a fantastic life you're planning.

My only 2 pence would be to keep your options flexible, you never really know what life will throw at you - things like illness, elder care and work relocations can rear their head quite unexpectedly (as the last month's have shown!)

I would hate this. You would have to drive everywhere.