Please tell me it's going to get better?

[SolarSue]

I'll try and cut a long story short but I have always lived in big cities (London, New York, Shanghai). Dp has always wanted to go back to his roots and live nearer his dcs in the Cotswolds so after much persuading from him, we agreed that once my dc had left home in London, we would look to move to the Cotswolds.

We found the most amazing house in the summer but in a village that I felt was too small. It has pubs and a cafe open like 9-3 but no shops. It's 10 mins drive to the station (and I need to commute back to London). I was v busy work wise and had to travel a lot over the summer - we saw a load of other more convenient houses in bigger villages and nearer stations but Dp had his heart set on this house. After much persuasion from him and a few trial commutes that went ok, we put an offer in and it was accepted. I'm a v outdoorsy person so Dp kept telling me it would be fine.

We moved in a month ago and omg. I am honestly shell shocked. I have not worn normal shoes since we moved in. Everything is muddy, it's like there is no end to the mud. I hadn't realised as we looked at the house in the summer that there are no streetlights anywhere and no pavements. I'm used to running but I can't go anywhere because I have to run on the road and they are single track country lanes and it's too dangerous. There was a bus that came through the village in the summer but that's been cancelled by the council now and so there is no public transport at all. If you get to one of the stations, your only option for getting here is to get a cab and you need to pre book it! I have never felt so isolated in my life. If you want to go anywhere or do anything, you have to drive and I am totally nightblind and with no streetlights that means I can't do anything on my own steam before sunrise and after sunset! I got out a lot more in London than I do here because it's just fields and farms and other than the garden, which is fantastic, I have to drive to go anywhere else!

I have been honest with Dp especially as he sold the idea to me and he has said I just need time but I am not sure time will fix this. It's affecting my sleep now as I'm so worried about being stuck here!

If this has happened to you, does it get better?

It’s a particularly bad mud season this year and good wellies are essential. I’m happy for cheap £40ish rockfish wellies but other family members spend upwards of £80. Wellies are worn for every day so buy a good pair.
To meet people go to every event in the village and another car is probably a good idea.
As others have said give it a year it’s a big change. I’ve never lived in a city and I don’t think I’d adapt well.

Get thee to Kingham and off to Daylesford. God, I love the Cotswolds but I live in a crappy village near Northamptonshire where you literally breathe in the mud and exhale it all over your house. I hate mud. I love South Kensington. I live in the wrong place.

Decathlon do a great reasonably priced chest torch. It's like wearing a car headlight. You can see really clearly and this enables me to run throughout the winter. I live rurally too, no street lights or pavements but there is so little traffic it's not a problem. Any cars coming can be seen a mile off as they've got their lights on. I'd start small, get your confidence with a small run that becomes familiar and then expand from there.
Also check out Strava or MapMyRun to look for previously mapped running routes.
You've moved there at the most difficult time, where you are feeling all the disadvantages of rural living and have yet to experience the positives. Hang on in there and see how you feel this time next year.

Can you run up the fells instead rather than over fields? It will be less boggy there. Never been to the cotswolds so maybe that isn't feasible but in Yorkshire the higher you go the better.

I learnt to drive on those roads but already knew them well from walking and cycling them. You just seem to learn their rhythm and where to slow or swerve.

I think you'll have a completely different experience in the summer - you'll be able to see so much more for longer and so will learn to use the roads better, be able to go for a run when ever and get to know it all like the back of your hand. I actually think you'll love it. The peace, the birds, the awareness off the seasons and weather.

Going for an early morning run and meeting two hares having a boxing match in the road.

Living in the county forces you to be adaptable as well as more observant. I'm certain growing up having to wait and plan things (no busses) made me a very patient person.

Walking your routes might help you get to know them - could you change running for speed walking in hiking boots? I know a load of martial arts fitness freaks and they were all training with weights on the ankles one year.

Once being one of them I actually got into skipping in a serious way and the impact on my stamina was immense; it's supposed to be more of a work out than running. I could only do 3 mins at first but built it up to 15-20. I did this in the winter and then by spring felt fit enough to start and enjoy running for the first time ever. That's easy to do in your back yard whenever.

It is hard as now I live in the most convenient place it's possible to live, and with young dc I don't think I could cope in the country now, but I'd love to go back when I'm older.

*of

#thatmustbenigelwiththebrie - there are no fells in the Cotswolds.

I hear you OP. I’ve been living very rurally for well over a year and really don’t like it. I feel cut off from everything. Everything just seems so much...harder. I’ve never felt so isolated and lonely in my life. And the mud...oh god the mud.

My circumstances are different in that I was totally up for the move, in fact it was originally my idea although I definitely started to get cold feet as reality hit but by then DH had run with it.

I desperately want to move back to the city. DH misses some stuff but on balance wants to stay. We’ve also got DCs to factor in. The only things we do agree on is that long-term they’d have better opportunities if we go back but it would unsettle them if we moved again. And we moved in part to be nearer family and god knows how we’d tell them we’re leaving. So I think I’m stuck. For now.

Honestly, in your shoes I’d be pushing to move ASAP. As I think a PP said, life is too short to waste living somewhere that makes you unhappy. If you’re mind is set, why drag it out?

Best of luck.

*your mind.

I have lived in cities most of my adult life and am now in the Cotswolds. I love it, but as others have said, I would leave it until you have been there over the seasons as there is much more variation in seasons in rural life!

The community is really important too, we have been here 4 years now and I real feel part of it, there’s a village running club, kids football. I don’t run but taught the kids to swim in the local brook and swim in the Thames and Windrush in the summer. I know the Cotswolds pretty well now, do DM if you’d like a friend to explore with or for recommendations. Good luck!

I live in the Cotswolds in place with no public transport. I love it here but even I can find it frustrating at times.

You absolutely can not have one car between you. You need one each, otherwise you're stuck and lose your independence.

The mud, ahhhh the mud. Yes this time of year it's horrendous. That will definitely get better once spring comes.

Having to drive 20 minutes for a pint of milk! Yup annoying but when I look out my bedroom window at the glorious view and the amazing fresh air. It's worth it.

Seriously though, if you're a townie this sounds like a step too rural.

Have you looked at Stroud, Nailsworth, Winchcombe, Cirencester?

These place are much less rural and have good rail links to Paddington.

Hi SolarSue. I can relate to this a bit as we moved from an outer suburb of London to a village only this autumn. The village we are in is not quite as isolated as yours sounds. I felt quite down a few weeks ago and have been a bit perturbed by a few daft things, but I'm trying to be more positive. I'm glad you feel a bit better.

I would echo what others say- it’s a difficult time of year to move so you need to give it more time. I also honestly think that when you move somewhere completely different you need to think of the things you can do, not the things you can’t and try new things instead of trying to make your old lifestyle fit in somewhere it just won’t- off road running is one example. Lots of road runners think that trail running is some sort of extreme sport but for most people it really isn’t. You just need a pair of shoes with better grips and a willingness to get muddy. It’s not as fast as road running and the pace is more varied (it’s much more normal to walk some sections) but it’s really good fun, gets you out and can probably be done from your front door. Get yourself an OS map and some trail shoes!

Its very tough at the moment as this is one of the worst winters for mud since 2006.

I have to say if you knew you had a disability that stopped you driving at night, why on earth move to the middle of nowhere?

Buy some excellent wellies and get a car. It will perk up in the spring.

You should have waited to move there until you retired, commuting from a country area is not easy and very tiring. We are retired and moved to the country and love the dark skies

Neoprene lines wellies are a godsend, they keep even my toes warm. Definitely worth investing in a pair. I have a pair of Saucony trail trainers and they’re great - I never run on the road, only off. You have to embrace the mud a bit, but the feeling of freedom is amazing.

This time of year is bad for mud and chilliness - it gets better in spring. But if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. Relationships need compromise sometimes - perhaps a larger village would suit you better but still give your DH his ruralness?