Top tips for making early retirement work as a couple (one of us has health issues)

[Pistachiomonster]

Thinking about taking early retirement fairly soon. We don’t have any grandchildren and our DC have both only just left home recently. We have been to see a financial adviser and we can afford it as long as we don’t go silly. Also DH isn’t in the best health so we would like to have some fun and enjoyment together while we can. If DH’s health was better we would have both carried on working for another year or two. But we are where we are.

We usually go on one or two week long holidays abroad and have one or two, one or two night stays in this country. Any top tips on making our money go further now we won’t be restricted as much with dates so hopefully can save money there. Also how do you decide where to go, how often, how long for and when just to space things out across the year now that we don’t have pets, the kids have left home and we don’t have to get back for work (also time will not be infinite)? We aren’t camper van people so not that.

Any top tips for day to day for getting along and getting on, doing some things together and some things apart and not irritating each other when we are only really used to spending time together on evenings, weekends and holidays? We are both very different people I like to be busy and doing things more of the time whereas DH is happy pottering doing very little or watching tv or listening to an audio book and he is also low on energy now.

I don’t have a lot of good friends that I see very regularly only really one and she is extremely popular so has many other friends and a large family. I have a few friends, acquaintances and ex work colleagues so I will try and make the effort to arrange to see more of them if they are free (but only two are retired but these are probably the ones I see the least). I go to small gym class three days a week and I do a craft hobby one day a week as I currently work part time. But I will need to see more friends especially with what lies ahead for my future.

I can't helpfully comment on all of this. However I have thought about the retire separately but together a lot. My husband is already retired and I still work. He spends my working week doing diy, chores and having coffee. He is still figuring out entirely how he wants to spend his time, but like your husband is happier at a slower pace but I want to do loads.

When I retire I know what I want to do and ideally I want to do the things I want to do during the working week and he do what he wants then and then come together as we do now the rest of the time. I think he has other ideas, but I think it will be better my way as we are very different and it will give us more to chat about if we are both going out into the world and experiencing different things.

My husband is older than me and is experiencing minor health issues, so nothing like what you are experiencing and he is about to have an op. I will take time out then to support. I am mindful that like you I need to build my social network. I am very quiet so plan to do some voluntary work so that I am working with others on a common project and join some groups where lower level interaction is required and just see how that goes.

Thank you for replying and hope everything goes well with your husbands op and your retirement plans. My DH will have a month or two on his own adjusting before I retire if things go to his suggested plan.

I could continue working part time for a bit longer but my job has changed and they are piling more and more things onto us that I really dislike my job now far more often than I enjoy it. I also don’t have much social interaction at work anymore.

This is what I have learnt so far;

Do things while you are at your youngest & healthiest

Nobody can predict their ownn health or how long they will live

Do things that you enjoy

Time is not a guarantee

Make a network of family & friends

Make a bucket list & do the things on the list

Excellent post from @ButcherBird

I think it is really important for both of you that you have your own network of friends or even acquaintances that you see / spend time with separately.

I also very much agree you should do the things you want to do (as in holidays, visiting places) sooner rather than later as none of us knows what the future brings.

Congratulations on your retirement and sorry that your husband is unwell.

We found having a bit of structure to our week was really helpful, so I used a diary more now than I ever have!

Join in with whatever you fancy at the gym. I'm doing all kinds of mad stuff that I never thought I'd like.

U3A is good for meeting people and trying new hobbies but it very much depends on your locality as all the groups are very individual. Some are boring, some are bonkers!

A cliche, but volunteering? Food bank, community garden, charity shop?

For cheaper travel I look at discount websites like secret escapes and Iglu cruises, they save us a lot. We have also registered as house sitters for free "holidays" in exchange for caring for pets.

What id really love us to spend time with grandkids but we are way off that yet.

DH and I retired before 60. In fact he retired while DC were still in primary school so he did all the running around for the children.
He is content at home and I prefer to get out and be busy although I don't have a great network of friends, I wish I did.
When I first retired I did a lot of volunteering but not any more.

We usually go abroad two or three times a year and have a few weekends away in the UK. We also do a long weekend with the DC. Unfortunately this year I have some health issues that mean we've had to cancel holidays. We go January, May or late September. I find it's cheaper to book a long way ahead or just a week ahead. The most expensive time to book seems to be about 4 to 6 weeks before travel.
My health isn't bad but I have had a constant run of new long term things going wrong. Travel insurance is a pita because of this.

On a day to day basis we tend not to do much together apart from a walk. Then we we eat together in the evening but we don't usually watch TV together.
I go to a craft group, gym, Pilates, a dance class, meet a friend for lunch.

I was going to suggest you continued working part time but see you don't enjoy your job. My partner has taken up beekeeping and is very busy in the summer months. I have joined U3a, tried 4 or 5 things but only kept up 2, including a book Group. I also do linedancing which is good exercise and I've made new friends who go for coffee afterwards.

A couple I know, he plays golf and squash, she linedances, lunches etc, but they set aside one day a week for them to do something together maybe a walk or lunch out.

I don't know where you like to travel or what your preference is but in March we booked a holiday to Egypt (an area we have been to before and know well) for 28 days during January. We fly out on 2nd January and it's cost us £1700 each. It's all inclusive, 5 minutes to the beach and in a lovely area where we can walk everyday. One of the pools is heated too. We've never done all inclusive for so long but we figured instead of sitting at home in the cold and dark during January we could do that somewhere warmer than the U.K. Temperatures in January can be between 19-22 so ideal.

My parents often cruised for 2-3 months at a time too during January to March and loved it.

My other suggestion is to be open to doing new things & meeting lots of diffetent people from all walks of life

I retired much earlier than I expected

I have done some things that I never would have imagined when I was working

Eg

I help rescue free food from supermarkets & give it away into local community

Boat refurbishment

Pet sitting

Grape picking

Various projects & fund raising in the community

Work PT

Travel

Care

Have thought about continuing working but with the changes to my job plus its so hard to factor in holidays around work as we have been cut so much so have to factor in other peoples leave preferences, some work dates around the year where we can’t take annual leave, all DH’s medical appointments, his family wanting to visit us or have us visit them, seeing our adult kids and us occasionally socialising us with friends.

Not retired yet but DH and I hope to really enjoy the planning of the two foreign holidays we want to take each year.

We'll each pick one country and then research where to stay, what to see, do, eat, drink. We'll be able to hunt for good deals and really nice accommodation.

Also, if we're going to another town for, say, a theatre trip or an art exhibition (we're hoping to become more cultured in retirement 😉 ), we'll read up on the town, the play, the artist so it'll be a more enriching trip.

We'll also have to give each other space as I need time alone.

Best of luck, OP.

We’ve considered moving to Spain for Jan Feb Mar to avoid the inevitable- we’re going to take a few trip to find suitable destinations

We spend a lot of time together, we are happy doing that and my husband is a bit quiet and doesn't want to do much on his own. I go to a local choir weekly where I've made friends. Finding couples to be friends with is harder.

I find volunteering difficult as I don't want to commit to certain times each week as we like to take the opportunity of good weather to go walking. Any ideas on that are welcome.

As someone said, having a structure is helpful to us and is shown to be helpful psychologically. So we grocery shop 2 mornings a week, do some word games each day, often og to the gym together, mark the weekend separately e.g. we tend to be more leisurely as lots of places we'd go in the week would be really busy with families, and we can do that in the week, plus cook special meals etc. It sounds quite boring but we enjoy each other's company and have a laugh. It's important to us to be affectionate and loving to each other. We also usually watch TV together in the evening, sounds boring but we have a laugh and make it fun.

For holidays we often book an Airbnb for a few nights during the week. We check jet2 websites to find the cheapest flights in a particular month, recently saved £200 on similar flights by (surprisingly) flying near the end of half term. Luxury hotels and fine dining are a thing of the past which is fine, that was a different time.
We find we need to buy fewer clothes now we're not working, but actually spend more than we expected, with having a lot of free time it's difficult to do everything cheaply!

You have had lots of good advice here, but mine would be not do everything together. You still both need your lives as individuals, although I accept that your husband's may be constrained by his health. But, for you, pursue hobbies, volunteering and travel, and have at least a few days a week where you are doing your own thing. It will make you more interesting to be around and save your sanity (and maybe also prepare you for the future).

Try volunteering at a local theatre, because it isn't usually fixed shifts. It's also a lot of fun.