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Original poster

Pension freak out

38 replies

SilverDoublet · 11/12/2025 23:32

Hi, so I'm mid 40s, was a SAHP for 8 years and wasn't able to save into a pension then. I had only just set one up in my early 30s, but after wedding, buying a house and having kids it all fell by the wayside. Now I'm realising I'm approaching 50 with barely any pension saved. Maybe €12,000 across a few pension pots. Now I have got a job and want to start piling money into my pension, as much as possible, to catch up. My husband is telling me not to bother, that we need the money for a new kitchen and other upgrades to the house. I'm capable of living extremely frugally to save, but he just wants to spend and enjoy life. Is anyone else in this situation? I'm terrified of being penniless in old age.

OP posts:
Lolabear38 · 11/12/2025 23:36

I’m in a similar position. I have maybe 5 years of a work pension before becoming a SAHM and I’m up to date on national insurance contributions so (if it’s still in existence by the time I retire ) I should get state pension.

My husband has 2 or 3 pensions and we own a house outright so he just says I don’t need to worry as we can live off his pensions. I keep telling him that that’s ridiculous as anything could happen and he tells me that I’m entitled to half of anything he has regardless but o don’t know if this is right or not? I now work part time but don’t earn enough to put anything aside. I feel very vulnerable. DH has said if I find a pension plan he will make the payments on my behalf but I don’t even know where to start.

redfishcat · 12/12/2025 08:49

Check your National insurance contributions too, use the government gateways, to make sure you will get your state pension.

MiserableMrsMopp · 12/12/2025 08:51

redfishcat · 12/12/2025 08:49

Check your National insurance contributions too, use the government gateways, to make sure you will get your state pension.

Definitely this. I'm a lot older than you @SilverDoublet and don't have full contributions.

bestbefore · 12/12/2025 08:53

Lolabear38 · 11/12/2025 23:36

I’m in a similar position. I have maybe 5 years of a work pension before becoming a SAHM and I’m up to date on national insurance contributions so (if it’s still in existence by the time I retire ) I should get state pension.

My husband has 2 or 3 pensions and we own a house outright so he just says I don’t need to worry as we can live off his pensions. I keep telling him that that’s ridiculous as anything could happen and he tells me that I’m entitled to half of anything he has regardless but o don’t know if this is right or not? I now work part time but don’t earn enough to put anything aside. I feel very vulnerable. DH has said if I find a pension plan he will make the payments on my behalf but I don’t even know where to start.

Tell him to transfer halve of it to you now then!

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 12/12/2025 08:57

What are his plans for retirement? Does he have a big enough pension pot to support both of you? If he died what plans does he have in place to support you? If the answer is not much then you 100% need to prioritise your pension especially at this age - you have a good few years to make a difference.

Hollyhobbi · 12/12/2025 08:58

I’m guessing this poster is in Ireland or another European country as they’ve used €? If in Ireland you can check your state pension contributions on my revenue.ie. The good news is if you were on caring duties to mind young children you can apply to get those contributions added on!

noidea69 · 12/12/2025 09:00

What's his pension situation? If he has a good enough one that it will cover both of you in retirement then not a terrible idea for you to put money in to doing house etc whilst you are earning, plus presumably you will still get employer contributions.

FollowSpot · 12/12/2025 09:02

Does your DH have a big pension? Savings?

I would do what you plan to do and make contributions to your pension.

Not so as to make your life a misery but enough to make a positive difference to your future.

Did you and your DH ever talk and plan about your retirement?

Mithral · 12/12/2025 09:02

bestbefore · 12/12/2025 08:53

Tell him to transfer halve of it to you now then!

Show quote history

He can't - not unless they get divorced. Id love to transfer some of my pension to DH, it would make our retirement much more tax efficient. Apparently some couples divorce for this reason (this is fraud btw).

Anonna123 · 12/12/2025 09:04

Lolabear38 · 11/12/2025 23:36

I’m in a similar position. I have maybe 5 years of a work pension before becoming a SAHM and I’m up to date on national insurance contributions so (if it’s still in existence by the time I retire ) I should get state pension.

My husband has 2 or 3 pensions and we own a house outright so he just says I don’t need to worry as we can live off his pensions. I keep telling him that that’s ridiculous as anything could happen and he tells me that I’m entitled to half of anything he has regardless but o don’t know if this is right or not? I now work part time but don’t earn enough to put anything aside. I feel very vulnerable. DH has said if I find a pension plan he will make the payments on my behalf but I don’t even know where to start.

I just set up a Vanguard SIPP pension, it's easy to do on their website. You need to deposit £500 first off and then at least £100 a month. They add the 25% tax relief and invest on your behalf.

ElizaMulvil · 12/12/2025 09:08

There is nothing more important at your age than saving for your retirement , certainly not house improvements. Have you examined in detail what you might get if your husband died or had to give up work through I'll health, redundancy etc? I mean have you seen the papers, had an expert eg Independent Financial Adviser to examine the papers? Has your husband got an occupational pension that would automatically give you eg a widow's pension? What would happen if he left you? Emigrated, vanished ? You need to financial advice asap.

bestbefore · 12/12/2025 09:09

OK well get him to give you money for a pension contribution!

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/12/2025 09:11

noidea69 · 12/12/2025 09:00

What's his pension situation? If he has a good enough one that it will cover both of you in retirement then not a terrible idea for you to put money in to doing house etc whilst you are earning, plus presumably you will still get employer contributions.

That’s all good until something goes wrong - divorce or death may leave her in a really poor position. I’d always want to be financially secure in my own right.

DeftWasp · 12/12/2025 09:19

SilverDoublet · 11/12/2025 23:32

Hi, so I'm mid 40s, was a SAHP for 8 years and wasn't able to save into a pension then. I had only just set one up in my early 30s, but after wedding, buying a house and having kids it all fell by the wayside. Now I'm realising I'm approaching 50 with barely any pension saved. Maybe €12,000 across a few pension pots. Now I have got a job and want to start piling money into my pension, as much as possible, to catch up. My husband is telling me not to bother, that we need the money for a new kitchen and other upgrades to the house. I'm capable of living extremely frugally to save, but he just wants to spend and enjoy life. Is anyone else in this situation? I'm terrified of being penniless in old age.

I just had my pension statement, I'm 46, so I have £88 in the pension scheme and am projected to get £5 a year - won't spend it all at once!!

Worry not!

AlastheDaffodils · 12/12/2025 09:20

@Lolabear38 you need a SIPP. Look up Vanguard as already suggested or NEST. Both good . Get it set up and get your husband contributing ASAP.

@SilverDoublet you obviously don’t need a new kitchen. You might need a pension. I would put aside a day to sit down with your husband and build a full record of all his pensions, what they will pay him and what the survivorship benefits will be if he pre-deceases you. Is it enough? Then you can decide together whether you need your own and how much to contribute. Personally I think getting your own is normally sensible, but like any financial decision first your need to gather the relevant information on where you stand today.

Hollyhobbi · 12/12/2025 09:23

SilverDoublet · 11/12/2025 23:32

Hi, so I'm mid 40s, was a SAHP for 8 years and wasn't able to save into a pension then. I had only just set one up in my early 30s, but after wedding, buying a house and having kids it all fell by the wayside. Now I'm realising I'm approaching 50 with barely any pension saved. Maybe €12,000 across a few pension pots. Now I have got a job and want to start piling money into my pension, as much as possible, to catch up. My husband is telling me not to bother, that we need the money for a new kitchen and other upgrades to the house. I'm capable of living extremely frugally to save, but he just wants to spend and enjoy life. Is anyone else in this situation? I'm terrified of being penniless in old age.

What country are you in?

noidea69 · 12/12/2025 09:24

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/12/2025 09:11

That’s all good until something goes wrong - divorce or death may leave her in a really poor position. I’d always want to be financially secure in my own right.

Show quote history

Divorce she can take half his pension, death she can take it all.

Obviously better to have one of her own too.

surreygirly · 12/12/2025 09:26

Your hubby is a moron
It is your money
VITAL that you save as MUCH AS POSSIBLRE into a pension or you are going to have s crao old age

surreygirly · 12/12/2025 09:27

Current projections are that to have a reasonable retirement if retiring today you need 700k in a pension pot

arethereanyleftatall · 12/12/2025 09:48

If he has a pension, then he is bang out of order to expect you to spend your money on joint projects. Unless he fully expects to share his, and there’s some funny setups for some where they don’t. Or unless he hasn’t got one at all.

QuickPeachPoet · 12/12/2025 09:51

Agree with vanguard SIPP.
And younger folk reading - don't waste money on fancy weddings and the luxury of 8 years out of the workforce!

unsync · 12/12/2025 10:19

What's your husband's pension fund like? Did he contribute to your fund whilst you were SAHP raising your kids? Why can't he pay for the kitchen etc to allow you to prioritise your fund?

BG2015 · 12/12/2025 10:31

I've got a Vanguard SIPP too. I put £5k in it just over 12 months ago, I've been adding £100 a month and now it's at nearly £10k. I put it in a FTSE Global All Cap Accumulation fund.

I followed Rebel Finance School on YouTube who are now retired in their 40's after investing. Great advice on there if you follow their course.

Tryingtodiet · 12/12/2025 10:36

DeftWasp · 12/12/2025 09:19

I just had my pension statement, I'm 46, so I have £88 in the pension scheme and am projected to get £5 a year - won't spend it all at once!!

Worry not!

Show quote history

😂 I'm expecting the same!

PlanetSaturn · 12/12/2025 12:18

OP is working. It makes more sense to pay extra into your work pension scheme if you then get additional company matched contributions (rather than a SIPP which will likely charge higher fees than a company pension scheme).