Moving from the warm south to chilly Scotland

[Grantobe]

Having lived in Scotland all his life my hubby saw a job he fancied down south. He had retired twice but felt he had another job in him. So down we came 8 years ago and its been fab. He has now retired for the final time.

Our kids are all spread out over 3 counties , one still in Scotland so we aren't near to any of them. We have to travel to see all our grandkids.
We"ve made lots of friends but some of them are now moving to be near their Gk but for them moving even further south so guaranteed good weather unlike us! Of all our kids the one in Scotland would likely take the most care of us but he's in the wet west! I always hated the Scottish summers ( Im from Yorkshire) I love the weather in the south.
Im younger than my husband but would hate to be stuck down here on my own if anything happened to him. We have a much bigger house than we intended buying but our kids rarely visit and prefer us to visit them. The Scottish one finds the drive down here a bit much but is happy to come at least once a year ( Id prefer twice!) He has a BIL in London so that at least gives him 2 reasons to venture south.
Im really torn to know what to do. Should we just enjoy it all for a while longer ?Hubby is 70. Or just go for it now? The GC in Scotland are still pre school age. They wont move thats pretty certain.

The weather here so far has made being retired so enjoyable, being outdoors so much, being able to plan ahead. Even leaving the garden furniture cushions out overnight has been new on me living down here. I feel much happier in myself. If we stay we should really downsize but I just dont know what we should do?
Has anyone else moved from the warm south to Scotland for the sake of family and regretted it? Our GK go to nursery so its not as if we would be doing a lot of hands on care but we would see them grow up, have sleepovers and see our son more often and get to know his lovely wife more. We are quite gagarious people and would easily make new friends im sure.

Stay where you are. I speak from personal experience. I also don’t think you should be expecting your son in Scotland to look after you. Could you not just stay in the house you’re in and make it work?

By moving away for a job in your 60s means you both prioritised yourselves and so shouldn’t move back to the child who you think will look after you!! You made your decision when you moved away.

if you want to move back to see your son and his family more than that’s lovely but not expect them to look after you because they are unlikely to just be sat around waiting for you to come back

could you comprise and keep your house but travel and stay near your children more throughout the year as you will have more time

If you move back to Scotland will there be a nearby airport with year-round flights to lots of places? Being able to escape the weather for a long weekend or week regularly would possibly help to put up with the winters.

I think you’ve answered your own question.
You feel better in your self for the warmer weather.
Stay put.
Please don’t expect your children to look after you in old age.
That is burden no child should have.
Many adult children have breakdowns over this.

How about a move to Scotland plus a holiday home somewhere warm?

Does your child want you to move closer to them? Would they be pleased or horrified?

I see your dilemma, because now is the right time to make this move, while you and your DH are in good health and could cope with the upheaval. You say you'd never want to be 'stuck down here on my own', so where do you want to be, in an ideal world? Being closer to family as people age can be very important, but I don't think it's fair to move based on the expectation that one of your DC will look after you. Whatever you do and wherever you end up, you and your DH should plan to be as self-sufficient as possible. Plan for the unexpected, talk to your DC about POA and ensure that you can afford to pay for the support you may need in old age.

Should have said my elderly parents and siblings are scattered across the north of England so we would be closer to them to help. Its not that we are wanting our son to look after us its more the thought of the hassle we are having being so far from my parents and trying to support them in their old age. My siblings do a good job, one imparticular so I feel we are too far away if we ever get to that stage ourselves. We are pretty pragmatic so I have no opposition to getting help in should I need it unlike my parents! Its more the finance stuff that I would need help with if left on my own.
I know we need to make our own mind up but its helpful to hear other peoples experieces.

We are in Scotland, about to retire, and casting around for somewhere where the weather is milder.

If you love the climate where you are, downsize there. Perhaps release some equity which allows you to travel to see the GC for longer, but stay in a holiday home/ AirBNB so your dc are not inconvenienced.

Your DC, should they wish, can help you to organise finances remotely. I doubt that your DIL in Scotland would be thrilled to hear you are moving back to be looked after.

I moved from London to Northern Ireland - where my husband is from

We were being priced out of London so were looking further and further out , thought sod it, his kids and mum and siblings were here - so over we came .

My mum and step dad came as well - in their 70's . He was disabled , mum was never going to cope alone

The cold was a killer , still struggle at times

We live 75 miles from the grandkids , had a lot of contact in their younger years but now they are teens and older, rarely see them. We see his family - some. of them - a couple of times a year

Step dad is long gone and Im having to care for mother who's getting more and more frail

If my DH departs before me I will be totally alone

However I never ever thought that the grandkids or his kids would ever be responsible for me..

I love where I live, been here 20 years, and am very much part of the community and have a good friendship circle

Move to where you want to live for yourselves, not with any intention of relying on others.

Spend time now learning to deal with the finances

I think the OP is not saying she would
like to move in with her son or have him as a cared, just wants to make it easier for him to visit etc.

I have also just dealt with a parent with a terminal illness, I and my siblings live either in a different country or several hours drive away. It would definitely would have been easier if we had been closer and she would have had more visits during her prolonged hospital stays.

It's definitely a factor to consider.

You didn't need to move to the wettest part of Scotland to be near your ds and dgcs. Could move wherever you want.
retired folk in Scotland do manage to live happy lives, gardening, cycling, walking in the beautiful scenery - they just wear a jumper sometimes! Weather here this summer has been amazing, without getting too hot as some folk down south have complained about.

I’d downsize, stay in the south and have spare money for travel. No way would I give up thr mild weather in retirement, or I’d buy in Scotland and overseas.

Guaranteed good weather in the South??? South of the England?? Might be better than Scotland but it’s far from guaranteed. I’m in the South West and it’s pissed it down everyday for the last fortnight.