Are you a retired, single woman?

[TeachMeSomething]

If you're retired (or soon to be) and single, what steps are you taking to try to remain healthy, strong and living independently for as long as is humanly possible?

For example, have you downsized to somewhere you could continue to live as you get older? Have you moved to a walkable town or city? Are you a bit fanatical about your diet?

Would love to hear your ideas!

I was 61 when I downsized to a ground floor flat. I wanted to take early retirement and move to the seaside, which had been a lifelong dream. Because I'd moved around a lot over the years, I was hoping that this would be my final home purchase so I spent quite a long time researching and thinking about what my requirements might be as I got older - hence the ground floor flat. I wanted good transport links because I hate driving, prefer to walk anywhere I possibly can but realise that there will probably come a time when I need to use, at least, a bus now and again. I've mentioned, upthread, some of my 'shopping preferences' and easy access to doctors, dentists, etc were taken into account when making a decision.

@TeachMeSomething I don’t blame them- there may be some amazing over 65 year old men out there , I’m sure there are, but the majority I know turn into curmudgeonly bods and always right about everything , very rigid in mind and opinion and expect their wife to do all the domestic work - and some of them are still into plenty of sleaze too on the sly - I’ve met very few older blokes I really like much - and I’m 63 and still married- so know plenty

What puzzles me is,,, where are all these 'silver foxes' we keep hearing about? They certainly don't live anywhere near me! The 'men age like fine wine whilst women age like milk' thing is ridiculous! The women I know are far fitter and more attractive than any of the men!

@TeachMeSomething I’m married to one - mind you he’s only 61 - thing is he’s exactly as I described except with a sexy interesting job - pretty sure if we split he would be very much in demand by some glam thing - because unfortunately you can only see surface stuff and they are on their best behaviour again with a reset!! Sometimes I think I stayed because that aspect would piss me off .

I like that you've raised this. I have no kids, having never had a broody moment in my life. I have only one brother. He didn't get married until his mid-30's and that was to a woman who was older than him and who already had a (pretty much) grown family, so I have no nieces or nephews either,

I don't pretend to know what the answers are but I think that this is a huge reason behind why I started this thread - I always feel that I want to stay as healthy and independent as possible for as long as possible because I could well be one of those old women stuck in a care home with no visitors otherwise.

Yes, I am quite lucky (although it was a good choice deliberately) - it's a small town / large village of only 6,000 people, but it has become the centre for a lot of outlying villages, so it has an Aldi, Co-Op, several mini-markets, 24 hour garage, three lovely cafes, two good pubs with food, a travel agents, a DIY /garden store, a pet store, dentist, two GP practices, two hairdressers and a beauticians, a car parts shop, post office and several varied takeaways (and I am sure I have missed out a few things!). It even has a library although that is now run by volunteers. Like you I have moved around (the world actually) so I have friends all over, and no real "roots", so I was able to "shop" by location and suitabilility alone. Oh, and it has three enormous parks that combined are actually bigger than the village! The service dog loves that!

Just in case anyone is researching a new place to live in retirement, if you type the postcode into Walkscore.com, it will assess how 'walkable' the neighbourhood is. (It looks like it only works for American neighbourhoods but it works for the UK too.) (Ignore the 'find apartments for rent' bit.)

I’m loving this thread, thank you for starting it.

with regard to the ‘walking not being enough’ what I’m finding is that walking will be enough to mean you are still able to walk, but for nothing else.

the exercise things that I haven’t done for years, I can no longer do. There was two things I tried on holiday last year, that I always used to be able to do, probably only did onve a year, and now can’t do.

the things themselves, are kind of irrelevant things (one was a pull up, the other was running backwards to catch a ball) but are indicative of use it or lose it.

Blimey @Outofthemoonlight! You are a star! I keep thinking about doing the intermittent fasting thing but, because I do quite a lot of exercise, I'm hungry a lot of the time. How do you get past the hunger?

Lovely to have a common theme in this thread. Another SINK (single income no kids!) here and retired.

I retired early thanks to a package I couldn't turn down at the time. I knew it was coming so I reduced my hours for the six months prior to get used to living on a reduced income. That took a bit of getting used to but it helped set my expectations.

With the pension lump sum I immediately set about "future proofing" my house. Got a downstairs loo and shower installed, insulated the place to within an inch of its life, new kitchen and other stuff and felt I had spent the money well. I live in the same house I bought on my own in my late twenties. So that tells you that it suits me and is convenient for everything and is quiet and safe. I have a grass man who does my lawns every two weeks up until October. Big enough garden but easily managed. I do the planting and other garden stuff myself.

At 67 I'm fit enough to walk at least 5k or so every day. Don't do much other exercise other than gardening. I don't think we need to kill ourselves with body bending stuff, but staying active is important as it's very easy to just sit around drinking coffee and reading or whatever.

I won't go on, but will say that living alone is great if you are of a certain personality type like me - I love my own company, never bored and enjoy the simple life. I do have friends and family, but I see them at irregular intervals. I enjoy visits and going out but only now and then. Don't need to. I do travel a bit, sometimes with friends, more often on my own - I like to see and do things when away that others may not be that much in to.

I'll check back later. Best of luck to other SINKs out there 😊

@blobby10

However I'm encouraged by my father who didn't set foot in a gym until he was well over 60 and now, at 80 can squat and lunge and has better core strength than someone 25 years younger

My dad was a marathon runner well into his 70's. The only reason he stopped was because he could no longer keep up with his running partners (who were all at least 10 years younger than me!) His running was replaced by a 4x weekly trip to the gym but he was always into his fitness. One of my earliest memories is of him taking me to the judo club with him when I was a toddler. He split his toe open on the mat and we went to the 'Casualty' department by taxi - which seemed like a big adventure at the time!

I love my own company, never bored and enjoy the simple life.

Me too, @annzen

Good points about the future proofing - and really useful to think about these things whenever you're having any work done.

I've never been a gardener although, strangely, I've always had gardens. (Just grassed over and paying someone to come over every 2 weeks with a mower.) I used to love coming home from work and seeing that the gardener had been and saved me a job. Still get that feeling now when the gardener comes to the apartment block and does his thing.

Also I forgot to mention that I'm 80% or so deaf as a result of meningitis when in my 20s, so being in noisy crowded places is very difficult for me, hard to hear what everyone is gabbing on about and keeping up with conversations! I have super duper hearing aids though which I use on bluetooth for listening to audio books, the radio, podcasts, and I watch videos/netflix on my phone/tablet etc. I'd be lost without them. I can hear fine with the aids outside of noisy spots.

So that's another thing, as we get older hearing can deteriorate, which if not corrected can lead to isolation and sometimes dementia. Watch out for that one!

I also use the 16/8 eating thing. I don't need to lose weight but it stops me snacking in the evenings and is so ingrained now that I never think of eating beyond 7pm or before 11am, holidays and celebrations are exceptions of course! My diet is mostly veggie but I'm not veggie IYSWIM. A lot of wholegrains, flax and chia seeds, protein powder, full fat Greek yogurt, salmon, other fish, eggs, cheese and fruit. Not a great vegetable eater but have no deficiencies so far. Once a year if you can, try and get a full MOT health check at the doctors or privately. It will flag up anything worth following up. Forewarned is forearmed as they say.

Yes, I swim with a group.

there’s regular swims twice a week and people often post on the Facebook group if they are going at other times.

bluetits is a good place to start if you are interested.

I do a slightly modified version of IF. So I might have a couple of teaspoons of cottage cheese or yoghurt, or a few olives or slices of sun-dried tomatoes, after my morning tea (with milk), before I do my workout. And/or similar after my workout, to bridge the time before brunch.

I also find that if I work out properly I just can’t be bothered to prepare food immediately afterwards, so that helps.

NB: in case anyone is interested, my go-to online trainers are Caroline Girvan, Growingannanas and Heather Robertson. I use 5, 8 + 10 kg dumbbells mostly, plus a single 15 kg for things like goblin squats. I also do a lot of planks and push-ups. Walking with my 5 kg weighted vest has really strengthened my shoulders and core.

Ah sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. It worries me greatly that I'll potentially end up all alone one day. I hope to move to a retirement village when I am older (maybe mid 60s) - one that has independent living, followed by higher levels of care if needed. My thinking is that I want to age in one place and hopefully make friends. I don't want to find myself having to uproot to a care home all alone in my 80s or 90s. I am still worried though.

Try not to worry too much about it @Strawberriesandpears - you still have loads of time and who knows what will happen in the future?

This is all in the back of my mind but then I think: "Well, even if I end my days in a care home (with no visitors😀), at least I've had the life I've chosen for myself (and which lasted a lot longer than a few years in a care home)". Also, don't forget that care homes are full of people who have children that don't visit them very often for whatever reason. Having kids is no guarantee that they'll want (or be able) to look after you in your old age.

I'd say, just live your life to the best of your ability. Take advantage of any opportunities that come your way (especially the ones that wouldn't be available to you if you had kids) and follow the advice of the women on this thread re keeping yourself strong and active. You can't do much more than that.

@Outofthemoonlight did I read that correct - a couple of teaspoons??? Blimey you must be slim

Yeah, that is all very true. I would still quite like a child, however I think it's mostly down to not wanting to be alone when I am old, and I am not sure that is a good enough reason. I'm also getting on in age now (late 30s) so I don't even know if it is possible, and as you say, there is zero guarantee they would be there for me in old age. I am hoping I might have some strong friendships when I am older, but who knows.

I wish you all the very best for your future too.

@Strawberriesandpears Also, good idea re the retirement community. I was in education for most of my working life but, right at the end of it, I got the urge to do something different and got a job managing a retirement complex in a well-known national park in the UK.

Now I'm not saying that these places are perfect but I would see older women move into the complex, start to join in with coffee mornings etc and make some really good friends who kept an eye out for each other. Other people didn't really want to join in much but still appreciated that there was someone (me) there, keeping an eye on them and checking in on them.

You'll find what's right for you!

@Strawberriesandpears had you though about fostering/adopting ? You sound like you would be great

But this is outside my intermittent fasting window - I only eat proper meals between (approximately) 10 am and 6 pm……. The odd teaspoons I mentioned in my post are in addition, i.e. before 10 am.

I don’t calorie count but I estimate I eat between 1500 and 1800 calories a day, which is what my body seems to need. I think due to eating only real food, including a fair bit of protein and virtually no UPF, I rarely feel hungry.

I wouldn’t say I’m super slim (I’m a size 10-12) but I have lovely muscles… 💪

Ah that's lovely to hear. I have thought about maybe making a move into working with the elderly myself. I seem to get on well with older people (I guess I am a bit of an 'old soul' myself). May I ask, did any of your residents have no relatives? How did they get on?

I think day to day, living in the retirement village I have my eye on would be lovely. The grounds are beautiful, and there are lots if activities (sophisticated activities too, like pottery and painting etc) that I would really enjoy. I don't think I would ever really feel lonely. There is a GP surgery which neighbours the village, staff on site all the time, and as I mentioned, different levels of care (right up to dementia care) for which you have priority on the waiting list if you have been an independent living resident first. That is all very reassuring.

What I do worry about though is medical appointments. The village has its own transport and drivers who an take you to appointments, but I worry about who would actually accompany me in, or make notes etc if I didn't have capacity. Maybe I'll have a younger friend who would be happy to come with me, but it seems a lot to ask. I worry about being a burden on someone, although I guess if I had children I might worry about being a burden on them and restricting their lives.

Thank you. I have vaguely thought about it, but I am not sure it's for me. I don't really even have any experience with babies or children, and I don't know if they would expect a wider network? Basically if anything happened to me, the child would be on their own (which goes for if I had a biological child too).

@Strawberriesandpears May I ask, did any of your residents have no relatives? How did they get on?

I can't think of any residents who had no family at all but I had a few whose children lived abroad (one had two children who both lived abroad) and saw them maybe once a year. I had other residents who only had cousins or maybe a niece or nephew as their next of kin. They all coped well - as I said before, they joined in as much as they wanted to and they had me to step in if something happened. Sometimes, I would have to step in even if children lived locally. I remember during the first days of the first lockdown, the son of one of my residents came into my office and said: "Well, I'll see you when it's all over". I have no idea who he thought would be doing his mum's shopping or getting her medication from the pharmacy etc!