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House moving when older and ill

6 replies

OldBun58 · 26/05/2025 09:22

We are a semi-retired couple in our mid 60-s. DH is very ill with lung cancer, gets terribly breathless, has no energy, can't sllep; he is undergoing immunotherapy and takes a lot time off work for sickness and hospitals. I stopped working 8 years ago due to total lack of energy, constant pains and brain fog. I have many health conditions.

2 months ago we managed to sell our spacious apartment and move into a rental house. We did not have time to find a suitable bungalow to buy but we had to move out asap as the flat was on the second floor without a lift, and the DH really struggled with stairs. So we decided to rent for now and see how his health goes. We really needed to move into a bungalow, but the rental ones were getting snapped. So we had to rent a large house that had a bedroom downstairs for DH.

It has been a drastic change for us moving from a flat into a house. We used to always live in houses up to 12 years ago, but we were in much better health back then. I discovered now that my legs and knees do not like stairs these days and we really miss living on one level. The garden was left in a terrible state and I have to spend an awful lot of time working on it, and then I am in pain for days, unable to do much. The house we moved into has been renovated but there were so many unfinished jobs, that writing to the estate agent and organising contractors consumed all my time to the point that I still have no time to unpack our belongings and we live with a bare minimum of items that I managed to find. There are mountains of unpacked boxes all over this big house, and I just can't unpack them. They are too heavy to lift or even move.

Everything is on me, hubby is too ill, and I have no energy to do anything except the everyday jobs of cooking, washing and tidying up, and most importantly - caring for my sick DH. I am at abreaking point and I feel I desperately need to get away on holiday just to recover from stress and exhaustion, the house move has made me so ill.

There is no family to help, and no friends as we moved to a different town. We desperately need domestic help with lifting heavy boxes and moving them around, with gardening and some house jobs. We are paying a lot of rent, so there is not much money left to pay for hiring labour, and I would not know where to look. Are there any social services that might help? Where in Horsham do I find an odd jobs man or just unskilled workers to help with boxes on occasional basis? Any other ideas?

OP posts:
Miley23 · 26/05/2025 09:30

Age Uk have handyman services and often help with house clearance so I'm sure they would likely have someone who could help at a reasonable price. Likewise they have gardeners.
Has your dh looked at claiming a disability benefit such as PIP if he is under state pension age or Attendance Allowance if over? This can help with the costs of things like help around the home, transport or care. Sorry things are so difficult for you. Keep looking for suitable accomodation. Again somewhere like Age Uk may be able to advise on local suitable accomodation in your area.

Silentsongs · 27/05/2025 10:55

Hi Op

So sorry to read about your troubles.

Yes, sounds like you need someone to come in for a couple of hours a week to mow lawn and do any heavy lifting. I normally find neighbors (either asking or posting on Nextdoor app) useful for this kind of thing. When my Dad got ill, I sourced a 6th former from the local school to mow the lawn every Saturday. I also used Age Uk as pp suggested. Is there a locall vicar to recommend? When you are so tired and stressed, it is hard to think creatively - but there will be a solution.

Are you sure you or you husband don't have friends who can help? Even if they can't do anything regularly because they are remote, could they come and help do a one-off sort/unpack for you or help to source someone to help you? I would help to think of any of my friends stuggling so much. What about your husband's workplace? Again, I would help any colleagues and I know my workplace would help to organise something. Make sure you aren't avoiding asking for help out of pride or embarassment.

OldBun58 · 27/05/2025 12:21

Silentsongs · 27/05/2025 10:55

Hi Op

So sorry to read about your troubles.

Yes, sounds like you need someone to come in for a couple of hours a week to mow lawn and do any heavy lifting. I normally find neighbors (either asking or posting on Nextdoor app) useful for this kind of thing. When my Dad got ill, I sourced a 6th former from the local school to mow the lawn every Saturday. I also used Age Uk as pp suggested. Is there a locall vicar to recommend? When you are so tired and stressed, it is hard to think creatively - but there will be a solution.

Are you sure you or you husband don't have friends who can help? Even if they can't do anything regularly because they are remote, could they come and help do a one-off sort/unpack for you or help to source someone to help you? I would help to think of any of my friends stuggling so much. What about your husband's workplace? Again, I would help any colleagues and I know my workplace would help to organise something. Make sure you aren't avoiding asking for help out of pride or embarassment.

I called Age UK, and they said their waiting list for cleaners and gardeners is many months. They do not have a handyman and such and basically could not help me. Their prices are no different from private either, so they advised to look privately. I used to ask one neighbour to move boxes around but after a while he started avoiding me but would not take money, he is busy with his family. Another neighbour suggested to use his 16 year old son for a fee, but only after he passes his GCSEs, so not for a few weeks yet.
I am tempted to put an advert locally in a shop, but a little wary of who might turn up.
I will give the app a go. Thank you!

OP posts:
GOODCAT · 28/05/2025 21:02

Could you try approaching a scout group or school that encourages kids to volunteer. Alternatively a kid that has just finished A levels (they finish sooner) who needs a bit of cash might be an option. Otherwise as your husband has cancer could MacMillan help?

Nsky62 · 28/05/2025 22:29

OldBun58 · 27/05/2025 12:21

I called Age UK, and they said their waiting list for cleaners and gardeners is many months. They do not have a handyman and such and basically could not help me. Their prices are no different from private either, so they advised to look privately. I used to ask one neighbour to move boxes around but after a while he started avoiding me but would not take money, he is busy with his family. Another neighbour suggested to use his 16 year old son for a fee, but only after he passes his GCSEs, so not for a few weeks yet.
I am tempted to put an advert locally in a shop, but a little wary of who might turn up.
I will give the app a go. Thank you!

Please use next door app, great for finding help

Octavia64 · 28/05/2025 22:33

Try:

local Facebook groups
ignoring the garden
man with van type people would probably help - any near you?

I’m disabled. It took me a bloody long time to stop living among boxes because I prioritised and did stuff slowly.

any church coffee mornings near you? They tend to have recommendations

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