Which is better? Working with kids or working/retired with kids who’ve flown the nest?

[JVJ24601]

Dear wise and experienced people. If, and only if, your kids have flown the nest - which decade was best? Roughly your 40s-50s when you had kids at home from later primary through the teenage years and into uni/college or (again roughly) 50s-60s when your kids had finished studying and flew the nest and retirement/semi retirement might just be not too far far away?

My gut is that it’s the former and that (the hideous unpredictability of health issues aside), despite the juggle, the 40s -50s with the kids and work and aging parents but with the joy of being a family altogether is in some way better than the possibly less onerous (again health issues - of all - pushed to one side for a moment) time in your 50s-60s when they have moved out?

I write this listening to people in the 50s-60s bracket right now in conversation and I can hear a mix of enjoyment in the relative freedom they have (meal out/social/talking about things they are personally rather than vicariously interested in) but also a tinge of sadness when they watch an exhausted mum/dad nearby play with their little one - as though that was the best bit?

On reflection, all the best bits (despite the effort and the double shift with work) was the best bit? Or no?

Flown the nest

all the early bits

You just have to enjoy and make the most of each stage as it comes. Bringing up 2 children and working full time was hard but we had a lot of fun and were a happy family. Now we are retired - we enjoy seeing the GC and spending time with them and we also enjoy having time to ourselves and money to indulge our hobbies including theatre and travel. We had our children in our early 20s so we are relatively younger GPs. If I’m honest, I miss the days when the GC were little and would cuddle up in an armchair while I read to them.

Every bit is exhausting but is always remembered with rose tinted glasses. Not so great when you're in the thick of it but lovely to look back on.

I've found myself searching when in bookshops to see books i read my kids 25 years ago. Reading the hungry caterpillar the other week in boots nearly ended me. When they were young i was sick of the sight of it!!!

Its funny how life works.

Thank you - yes hadn’t thought about the grandparent element! Part of the thinking behind the question is that we are fortunate enough to have a decision to make with £24k - my instinct is to throw it at holidays and fun and treats now whilst they are little(ish). Mortgage / age we are/kids are etc will ensure we are working until 60 anyway and we are good savers etc so I just feel we should “invest” in this bit and enjoy looking back at the (certainly rose tinted) bits later?

They are just different. When you are younger you don't take time to really cherish those moments. It's important to do that.

The days are long but the years are short.

Totally agree with the first 2 replies.

In terms of the money though - my choice would be was to pay down the mortgage.
you can have fab times with little children without spending £££.
My dc (in their 20s) don't say "Do you remember that time when we went abroad on that all inclusive ?" they say "Do you remember when we used to have our picnics in the boot of the car ?" (People carrier - picnics in the rain on days out).
By paying down the mortgage,, it gives you choices as you head into your late 50s and 60s. Believe me, I'm ready to retire now. I don't want to go on until I'm 67, and I have that choice as we always chose to over pay our mortgage.

@UsingChangeofName is that because you didn't take them on all-inclusive holidays though and had picnics in the boot of the car so that you could pay the mortgage down?

I've seen a few threads where people say they were brought up extremely frugally and their parents are now very wealthy.

Each to their own but for me it's a middle ground. Childhood holidays are very special. I would spend some/save some.

Each era was hard and great. We are in late 40’s / early 50’s and our youngest of three flew the nest last year, to Uni.
we are working hard atm but having fun together.
I was able to stay at home with each child til they were two, then worked school hours til they were all in high school so I enjoyed my time with them.
we live rurally and have always been outdoorsy, which they live, but they do also remember (static caravans!) holidays in Tuscany etc.
could you do both? Keep a bit aside for holidays and put the rest in the mortgage?
this bit of life is expensive- paying rent for Uni and saving for their house deposit and I may have accidentally bought a campervan

I'm enjoying life more now mine have flown the nest, but they were very hard work (4 DSs, close in age). I'm assuming I'll have grandchildren in the not too distant future, so I'm making hay while the sun shines.

@OhamIreally No, we have done both. I mean, we've done more picnics on days out over the years, as of course you do several over the course of the holidays, but we've also don some AI holidays abroad.

I agree with 'middle ground' for most things people debate hotly on here

But I do think, when they are young, little ones enjoy digging in the sand and swimming in the pool or sea - I don't think that is better, or more memorable for them in more expensive places. I'd encourage them to travel as young adults, when they will remember the 'bucket list' places.

Yes that’s really what I mean about spend it now. Spend it on two weeks in Cornwall not one - whilst they are happy to just splash, dig and be on the beach. Spend it on a trip to London to see things that make them go wow - as well as just having some for little treats without worrying (books, magazines, Lego). I live opposite someone who is clearly in the later era and I can see how lovely their life is but I wondered if others felt that this earlier bit was messier/harder but better. Thank for the thoughts. We moved house yesterday and I’m up at 5 tomorrow to build a trampoline before I go to work! PS when I told my wife about the hungry caterpillar story she cried immediately - think it’ll be Katie Morag for her but she totally got that feeling. Thank you all!