Power of Attorney

[lorach]

I have been asked to be POA by my old friend. I live in south of england, she lives in northern ireland. I am 69, she is 60. We speak over the phone often and I recently visited her. I am very fond of her. I have read a bit about POA, it sounds complicated,....how would I be able to assess her mental capacity, or sort out house issues, care issues etc when so far away? She has always been stubborn, and quite 'daffy'. Her house is, and has always been, messy, cluttered, she has a tendency to hoard. Many times I've tried to help and suggest things which she rarely listens to. Maybe I am over thinking it, but I'm finding the idea quite overwhelming! She lives alone, has 1 sister in england. I feel I want to say no, the pamphlet on Mental Capacity alone is 200 pages, I dont think I'm up to it. Has anyone any advice/experience of POA to share? What should I do?

You wouldnt be responsible for assessing mental capacity, you would just step in once it is deemed she didnt have it (or was in a coma or similar). Its usually recommended that you choose someone in a different generation (so if you are young, choose someone older and if you are older, choose someone younger) so that the Attorney is less likely to be at risk of illness or incapacity themselves and unable to act if and when the time comes.

why dont you suggest she chooses someone younger than herself as you are likely to be infirm yourself before she would ever need your help

Yes I agree! It's a good angle to work from.....she has few friends younger, but does have a younger sister (who she doesn't trust, but I can't understand fully why).
cheers

It’s a tough one and all I can really say is tell you of my experience. I arranged for POAs to be in place for my mum and dad years ago and I never thought when we did it that I would ever have to take over my dads finances. He is the most intelligent person I’ve ever know but something started to happen to his memory and then he was falling for scams etc so I had to make the decision he was no longer mentally capable of dealing with his affairs and take over as POA. So that was my decision and was relayed to his banks etc.

id say it’s easier that we live ten mins apart as he needs support with everything, something that’s daily just now is I give him some cash, he hides his wallet and we have to pull the house apart trying to find it, he thinks people are stealing his money even though nobody is. I’ve tried to say he doesn’t need cash but he just gets angry. His go won’t do anything unless he goes to them himself and says there is an issue, he will never do this. I suppose at some point he will need a COP but that’s a bridge we will cross when we need to. It’s so very difficult if I’m honest and I’m glad he has mum living with him to support too.

Bananaman have you thought of stashing an airtag in your Dads wallet? Would make it easier to find