Retire at 50 to spend time with my longed-for child?

[Quandryquandry]

Anyone given up work to spend precious school years with their much longed-for children? I don’t need to work financially, but am currently towards the end of training in a highly respected career (medicine) which my family and friends have supported me through with childcare and financial help. I desperately want to give up my career to “be there” for my 7 year old, doing school pick ups, supporting her homework at her pushy private school (not my choice) and spending the school holidays with her at our holiday home rather than putting her in endless holiday camps with staff and other children who she and I don’t know. Friends with older children say I’m mad as I’ve put so much into my career and a post as a consultant is finally in my sights.They say that in just a few years she’ll be a teenager and “won’t want to know me” and I’ll be bored to tears and full of regret about what I’ve given up. At the moment the only thing I regret is delaying starting our family until I reached the “right” point in my training, by which time it turned out I was only able to have one child. Has anyone else thought about leaving a good career to spend time with their children, and either decided to stick with their career or left it and lived to tell the tale?

I'm a bit confused why you do all the activities with her, and on the days she's with her dad they sit watching tv? Why can't he do some fun activities with her so that some of your time together can be relaxing? Lots of parents manage a great relationship with their dc whilst working three days a week, it sounds like a good career/home balance to me.

I was exactly the same age as Wasab when I had my first and only child, also regret giving up my career.

Also- in my experience, private school days are long. In the next few years she will want to do more activities and clubs after school which could take up until 5 or 6 o clock. It’s going to be a long week for you!

I have one child and also feel that pressure of time passing. But I do think that 3 days per week is probably about as good as it gets in terms of work-life balance.

It sounds like your nanny and DH are the problem. There is nothing wrong with watching DVDs, but they should also hear her read each day, supervise piano and get her into bed at a reasonable time. Not being musical is not an excuse!

You work 3 days a week, this sounds like a perfect balance. Your DD can't be doing homework and piano practice every single night, she needs some down time watching TV/chilling.

You only work 3 days a week. That is a good work/life balance.

You have also spent many years and money on your medical training. Are you ready to give that all up? For what really?

I have a 7 year old DD. I value my career and time with her. It is good for her to spend time with other people and with me.

I think it is good for her to see her mother as an individual with her own purpose in life. That is a good role model for a little girl.

I agree with the posters who said devoting your life to your child can be seen as overbearing, especially when your DD gets a bit older.

What pension provision do you have and how do you want to spend your 60s.

I understand the feeling, kids come first, that’s as it should be, but are you responding to guilt or assuming your dh is not as good a parent? Are your own childhood experiences of how you were parented playing a part? Are you sabotaging yourself so close to something more settled? Are you feeling cultural sexist stereotypes?

Can your DH not share one of his hobbies or passions with your DD? I of course have no idea what they are... my DH has passed on his passion for mathematics and skiiing to all his children!

Why don't you consider a non career grade/SAS job? This will reduce the non clinical commitments and should mean you manage more of a 9-5 day...

Tricky one. I never worked more than two days a week after having children but I didn't have a swishy lucrative career.
It sounds like you can already afford to buy in as much help as possible to free up your precious time to spend with DD rather than doing chores yourself.
It's a myth they don't need you when they are teens though. They need you far more but in different ways. DH retired as our DC reached secondary school and that was fantastic, he did all the after school and taxiing. If you live in the country like we do then lifts are a big thing.
How long until you qualify? Could you do locum work and pick your hours? I found two days to be just right and in fact I never went back to full time even when DC were grown up.

I have some experience of this.

I had my son at 43 after waiting and failing for 10 years to have him.

I gave up a 23 year career, was at the top of my game in a job I loved.
It was professional suicide and I have never recovered.

I took a job which meant I could be home with him most days and my dh was home on the days I was working but 5 days a week I was home. But I couldn’t stand the job, it was making me ill.

He is 6 now and I’m struggling at a lesser grade, juggling hours missing parents evenings and spending long days away from him.
I have moved jobs several times.

Going very part time is really the only way to go, but not financially viable.
The medical profession is inflexible for parents.
Some great advice on here, for me it didn’t work and 6 years on I’m up the swanny without a paddle. ☹️

The OP isn't actually talking about a career break though, she wants to retire at 50. In 11 years time when DD goes off to uni you will be 61, my age. I retired at 58 after working part time since having DC.
You never know what will happen with your health in the future. Do what makes you happy.

No but there is discussion regarding changing job, decreasing hours or moving nearer home.
In my experience as I said, it didn’t work.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I’ll try to stick it out a little longer and see if we can find more of a balance somehow!

Tbh given she's spending 3 nights chilling with Dad and 4 with you, and she's at s hook all day, I wouldn't give it up.

What will you do with yourself from 9 - 3 every day? Or in a few years when she wants to hang with her mates?

Definately complete your training. You're near the end, giving it up now would be frankly silly.

Are there any options for some unpaid leave over the Summer?

I don't see why it's bad she hangs out with her dad?

my mother gave up work and really really regretted it. She did try to return but was scuppered by health issues. Two kids, so a total of 12 years out of the workplace, doing what she thought would be quality time, but hmm, I don't know really....then she had a battle to get back in (though hopefully it's less of a battle nowadays), then got a health issue within about 5 years.

not saying everyone will get a health issue of course, but really I think there's an argument about quality time vs time and also how you feel about it. Mum missed work. We were busy kids, so frankly would not have noticed if it was mum there or an au pair etc after school. I think that's the bit that pissed mum off the most tbh!

They need you more when they're teenagers, do another few years and then consider it.

Just saw that you work three days so definitely don't leave your job, you’ve got the holy grail: well paid, professional, part time work.

If you are working three days already, albeit long ones, then I think you have the balance right. No way would I give up a fantastic part time career at 50 to be with your DD all the time. As others have said in a very few short years she won’t want to spend her every waking hour with you, nor is it healthy.

Congratulations on doing a fabulous job and balancing your life. Seriously The grass isn’t greener.