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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To feel hurt DP was going to string m along about kids?

14 replies

HeatWave11 · 26/04/2022 09:39

Met DP early thirties (now mid) and at the time was dating widely and being open minded about people. Told him I was looking to settle down and have a family. He was equally as enthusiastic about this and we started to date more seriously and have moved in.

A few months ago we had a proper conversation where we said we would start trying next January. I had explained that I would have started sooner but also saw that it would be nice to live together longer etc. He said he would have waited longer so we compromised on January as I will be 35 next year.

Just found out that I’m pregnant which we think is pill failure after a bout of food poisoning. DP has been supportive but initially said ‘this was meant to be a few years away.’ I asked what he meant by that given we said we would start trying in January and he said he never agreed to that.

I don’t know why it’s upset me so much, he’s not said he wants to terminate or anything but it’s the fact that I trusted him and I would have stayed with him… got to January and then he would presumably have said he had no recollection of our conversation and would have kept putting it off? I just feel like a mug.

OP posts:
oliviastwisted · 26/04/2022 09:43

Ohh I’d be annoyed by that too but ultimately you do not have that outcome in your future anymore thanks to a fortunate happenstance so I think you need to let this one go. I could equally imagine a post up somewhere else from your DP saying we were holding off on having a child but my partner is now pregnant. You need to look at the outcome you have now and run with that. Congrats on your pregnancy.

oliviastwisted · 26/04/2022 09:44

Ohh I’d be annoyed by that too but ultimately you do not have that outcome in your future anymore thanks to a fortunate happenstance so I think you need to let this one go. I could equally imagine a post up somewhere else from your DP saying we were holding off on having a child but my partner is now pregnant. You need to look at the outcome you have now and run with that. Congrats on your pregnancy.

oliviastwisted · 26/04/2022 09:44

Ohh I’d be annoyed by that too but ultimately you do not have that outcome in your future anymore thanks to a fortunate happenstance so I think you need to let this one go. I could equally imagine a post up somewhere else from your DP saying we were holding off on having a child but my partner is now pregnant. You need to look at the outcome you have now and run with that. Congrats on your pregnancy.

oliviastwisted · 26/04/2022 09:44

Ohh I’d be annoyed by that too but ultimately you do not have that outcome in your future anymore thanks to a fortunate happenstance so I think you need to let this one go. I could equally imagine a post up somewhere else from your DP saying we were holding off on having a child but my partner is now pregnant. You need to look at the outcome you have now and run with that. Congrats on your pregnancy.

Traumdeuter · 26/04/2022 09:46

Honestly I’d try and get over this because it sounds a bit like panic, which is entirely natural. It doesn’t matter what might have happened - concentrate on the reality, which is that you’re pregnant and DP is supportive.

Keep talking to each other and making sure you can both express your feelings and fears to each other.

I had an unplanned pregnancy at a similar age but in a much longer term relationship (12 years) and although DH was the one who wanted children in the future, he still panicked and said weird things occasionally. It turned out fine. It’s a lot to get your head around.

Traumdeuter · 26/04/2022 09:48

Honestly I’d try and get over this because it sounds a bit like panic, which is entirely natural. It doesn’t matter what might have happened - concentrate on the reality, which is that you’re pregnant and DP is supportive.

Keep talking to each other and making sure you can both express your feelings and fears to each other.

I had an unplanned pregnancy at a similar age but in a much longer term relationship (12 years) and although DH was the one who wanted children in the future, he still panicked and said weird things occasionally. It turned out fine. It’s a lot to get your head around.

Traumdeuter · 26/04/2022 09:48

Honestly I’d try and get over this because it sounds a bit like panic, which is entirely natural. It doesn’t matter what might have happened - concentrate on the reality, which is that you’re pregnant and DP is supportive.

Keep talking to each other and making sure you can both express your feelings and fears to each other.

I had an unplanned pregnancy at a similar age but in a much longer term relationship (12 years) and although DH was the one who wanted children in the future, he still panicked and said weird things occasionally. It turned out fine. It’s a lot to get your head around.

pumpkinpie01 · 26/04/2022 09:54

It will be fear of the unknown talking and the shock of impending responsibility. My partner was similar but I k ew deep down he would be an excellent father and he really is .

pumpkinpie01 · 26/04/2022 09:54

It will be fear of the unknown talking and the shock of impending responsibility. My partner was similar but I k ew deep down he would be an excellent father and he really is .

pumpkinpie01 · 26/04/2022 09:56

Oh why is everything posting twice !

pumpkinpie01 · 26/04/2022 09:56

Oh why is everything posting twice !

pumpkinpie01 · 26/04/2022 09:56

Oh why is everything posting twice !

HighInPolyunsaturates · 26/04/2022 10:00

My previous replies posted multiple times and then disappeared... Gah. Maybe they will reappear at some point.

pumpkinpie01 · 26/04/2022 10:07

Have noticed it on other posts today too !

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