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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hey I’m new and after some advice!

6 replies

Cl2227 · 05/02/2023 20:27

Hey everyone, I’m new here and wanted to reach out to fellow ladies to try and help lessen my anxiety around guys/dating.

I was seeing a guy for a few months towards the end of last year but it wasn’t really going anywhere. We were very on and off and never had a chat about what we really were. He was a lot more into it than I was and I found myself not having the confidence to tell him it wasn’t for me as I didn’t want to upset him (I struggle with people pleasing, a lot).

I know I should have told him sooner but I was finding him as a person very difficult to explain when things weren’t feeling right and I kept feeling pushed into a corner.

I did eventually muster up the courage to tell him it just wasn’t for me, this was just before Christmas (awful I know, but I just couldn’t keep it doing any longer).

a few days before I “officially” told him I couldn’t continue being with him, I unexpectedly got chatting to a guy who I am now seeing and things are going really well.

However, because of the way my anxiety can be, I feel compelled to tell the guy I’m now happily dating about this other guy I ended things with. Sounds silly I know as we got talking around 20th December and I officially ended things with the other guy on the 23rd.

Me and the new guy didn’t meet up until after the new year as we spent around 2 weeks chatting away online. I have blocked the other guys number and on social media etc.

as I said, I’m a massive people pleaser and feel the need to be so honest about everything to everyone.

what would everyone else’s thoughts be on this please? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill for myself?

thank you in advance ladies x

OP posts:
Sucessinthenewyear · 05/02/2023 20:28

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill for myself?

YEP.

FenghuangHoyan · 05/02/2023 20:32

That you had a relationship (kind of) with someone before your current relationship is not something you need to bring up. In fact bringing it up would sound a bit odd and he might wonder what you're trying to tell him.

So forget about it and focus on him and not the person before him. You never talk about exes with a new person. Not unless you want them to leave because they think you've not got gotten over the previous guy.

ShippingNews · 05/02/2023 20:33

You feel compelled to tell everything? Please don't , no good ever came from doing this.

Zola1 · 05/02/2023 20:35

God no. From someone who made the mistake of trying to be honest about something that stopped before a new relationship began, just don't do it.

Raveon2000 · 06/02/2023 07:26

Please dont tell him, until you have both agreed to be exclusive, you are both free to talk to/date others. He might well have been talking to other women too at that point. Sometimes it's best as a don't ask don't tell policy. You have done nothing wrong

Dery · 06/02/2023 07:28

I hope you’re checking your other thread re this, OP, because some people posted advice there - including me!

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