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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Early dating etiquette - getting it all wrong!

2 replies

CluelessDater · 11/11/2022 12:54

OK so starting back dating a few months ago after very long relationship. Real life dating bit of a nightmare so dipped into OLD with hilarious mixture of results! Anyway very early days but had a few dates with someone. On paper wouldn't actually put us together but there's some kind of connection so figured different could be good!

I initially thought I just wanted quite casual type dating maybe even just a fwb situation but this has made me think that I want more. As in the actual closeness of a relationship. When we meet we get on really well. Relaxed etc but communication between dates is all over the place. It ranges from loads of long intense conversations one day and a few messages and other days hours before I get a response if I've sent first message and not answering or returning calls. Its not because he is working or busy either.

He gives the impression he wants more but then goes awol! Then acts like not an issue. Now he is not nuero typical and I am more than familiar with this so not an issue on the whole, but early dating is a distant memory for me so is it just normal for this stage to be a bit hit and miss with contact or is it just the ASD that is confusing things? Or is he just not that into me! I know people with ASD can be shit at communication especially over message but when they are acting like they are really keen to move things forward does it make sense that they forget to call you back for a day when they said they would?? And other days message first thing and call multiple times!! Its starting to mess with my head. But if its just me being too expectant then obviously I need to get myself in check as it will just be a repeat problem if I move on. We are late 30s if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
altmember · 11/11/2022 13:04

I don't think a couple of hours between messages is a big issue really. It can be a bit overbearing to be in constant communication all the time. Although if you're in the middle of intense message ping-pong and he just goes silent for a few hours without any explanation ("Sorry, I am/was busy" type thing) then I could see that being a bit irritating.

If you'd said a couple of days between messages that would be a bit different.

When I first got together with my partner we'd message constantly all day, some days 200 messages between us. That was great, but really intense and distracting to be fair. A few years later and it's slowed down, really difficult to keep that frequency up. Sometimes we don't reply to each other for half a day or so.

NoDatingForOldMen · 11/11/2022 13:07

I don’t think a few hours for a reply is really an issue, not everyone is glued to a device, but some consistently is nice

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