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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Early dating etiquette - getting it all wrong!

3 replies

CluelessDater · 11/11/2022 12:52

OK so starting back dating a few months ago after very long relationship. Real life dating bit of a nightmare so dipped into OLD with hilarious mixture of results! Anyway very early days but had a few dates with someone. On paper wouldn't actually put us together but there's some kind of connection so figured different could be good!

I initially thought I just wanted quite casual type dating maybe even just a fwb situation but this has made me think that I want more. As in the actual closeness of a relationship. When we meet we get on really well. Relaxed etc but communication between dates in all over the place. It ranges from loads of long intense conversations one day and a few messages and other days hours before I get a response if I've sent first message and not answering or returning calls.

He gives the impression he wants more but then goes awol! Then acts like not an issue. Now he is not nuero typical and I am more than familiar with this so not an issue on the whole, but early dating is a distant memory for me so is it just normal for this stage to be a bit hit and miss with contact or is it just the ASD that is confusing things? Or is he just not that into me! I know people with ASD can be shit at communication especially over message but when they are acting like they are really keen to move things forward does it make sense that they forget to call you back for a day when they said they would?? And other days message first thing and call multiple times!! Its starting to mess with my head. But if its just me being too expectant then obviously I need to get myself in check as it will just be a repeat problem if I move on.

OP posts:
TheseThree · 05/06/2023 04:27

Honestly, I don’t (didn’t) have time for any sort of long term etiquette analysis. My first marriage failing taught me to just speak up and that I would want a partner capable of the same.

I’d let him know you’re feeling confused, but keep it focused on you. Don’t say it as though he’s always doing something wrong (“You keep sending mixed signals.”), but rather as your own struggle (“I’m having trouble understanding where our relationship stands when you don’t follow through on calling me as you said.”)

But yeah, I don’t know the etiquette if that’s what you are personally called to stick to. I just know I’d rather be polite and direct.

TheseThree · 05/06/2023 04:28

Sorry, just noticed how old this is. Hope everything worked out as you wanted/needed it to!

beccahamlet · 05/06/2023 04:32

I learnt a long time ago that people act in all sorts of ways that are hard to make sense of. You probably just need to give it time to play out. Good luck.

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