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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Early dating etiquette - getting it all wrong!

4 replies

CluelessDater · 11/11/2022 12:51

OK so starting back dating a few months ago after very long relationship. Real life dating bit of a nightmare so dipped into OLD with hilarious mixture of results! Anyway very early days but had a few dates with someone. On paper wouldn't actually put us together but there's some kind of connection so figured different could be good!

I initially thought I just wanted quite casual type dating maybe even just a fwb situation but this has made me think that I want more. As in the actual closeness of a relationship. When we meet we get on really well. Relaxed etc but communication between dates in all over the place. It ranges from loads of long intense conversations one day and a few messages and other days hours before I get a response if I've sent first message and not answering or returning calls.

He gives the impression he wants more but then goes awol! Then acts like not an issue. Now he is not nuero typical and I am more than familiar with this so not an issue on the whole, but early dating is a distant memory for me so is it just normal for this stage to be a bit hit and miss with contact or is it just the ASD that is confusing things? Or is he just not that into me! I know people with ASD can be shit at communication especially over message but when they are acting like they are really keen to move things forward does it make sense that they forget to call you back for a day when they said they would?? And other days message first thing and call multiple times!! Its starting to mess with my head. But if its just me being too expectant then obviously I need to get myself in check as it will just be a repeat problem if I move on.

OP posts:
ShellGrotto · 11/11/2022 12:56

I think we need more information. How many dates have you actually gone on? Over how long a period? Are you both also seeing other people? You say you changed your mind from first wanting something casual or a FWB, but does he know you now want a relationship?

CluelessDater · 11/11/2022 13:05

Only a few weeks its very early on and yes he knows i want a relationship as does he. I'm not seeing anyone else and he says he isn't.

I think its the change from one day to the next that confuses me. Is this normal? Like I said I'm very familiar with ASD but not the early dating and messaging/calling side of things so don't know if it that or just normal dating shit and i just need to suck it up and either move on or ride it out!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 11/11/2022 13:22

It's not normal to call someone twice a day when you've only been on 2 dates with them no. I had a similar issue with a lad with autism. I told him we'd have nothing to talk about on the date so best to not call every day. He stopped for two days and then started again. I called it off.

I think it might have been a security thing with him. My best mates sister has it and she repeatedly asks questions that she knows the answer too because there's something comforting in that for her. It's a compulsion.

I should mention I've been on dates with other ppl with autism that didn't have that issue. Though one was an obsessive tester tbf. Again, didnt work for me so I cancelled future dates.

The key is, communicate what you want. If they listen, great. If they don't follow through, call it a day. Because autism or not, your boundaries are your boundaries.

Pinkbonbon · 11/11/2022 13:23

*obsessive texter

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