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Original poster

Dd age 10 revelation please advise! *contains sexual references*

28 replies

foldablefarm · 07/04/2023 08:16

Last night dd, age 10, had a huge outburst and told me that when she was 6 a boy she was friends with kissed her and put his willy in her bits. She was distraught telling me. Shaking, pacing, sobbing. She said she thinks of it every day and wanted to tell me every day. That her life is ruined. That this will never leave her even when she is an old lady. That she hates this boy so so much. That she is angry that she ever liked him. That she sees no way through this.

I don't know what to do. He is the same age as her and they have lots of contact though she says she hates him and doesn't speak to him. She said that I can tell her dad but no one else. I would really appreciate some advice! My heart is breaking for her.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 07/04/2023 21:40

Ah, I’ve just seen your update about this being your dd’s step sibling (for want of a better word). This makes it completely different and raises it to a very different level.

It means that your dd’s other family is likely experiencing sexual abuse, potentially by someone who also has direct contact with your dd. They may not know anything about it or they may know but be burying their heads in the sand.

The reality though that even when there is an identified abuser, family are unlikely to do anything but further victimise those who have experienced abuse. The family, generally speaking, is unlikely to keep your dd safe, so you need to make a big deal of this for her sake.

We have two adults in our family who have been convicted of sexually abusing a child in the family. That child has been ostracised (along with Dh and I for raising the alarm) but the abusers are still very much in the fold. The children and their parents no longer get invited to anything but abusers are very much front and centre.

If you and your ExH cannot agree on a plan to keep your dd safe (no contact with this child or anyone else in his new partner’s family for now), then I would stop contact while you flag it all with the school/SS/police.

Original poster
foldablefarm · 16/04/2023 15:37

Hi all, so I contacted the nspcc as recommended and they suggested I contact SS. I did in the form of an unofficial query with no names. They have urged me to put it on record so I think I will do that this week.

OP posts:
Original poster
foldablefarm · 16/04/2023 15:41

My week has been sadly caught up in trying to get exh to respect dd's wish for him to promise her not to speak to her about it right now. He wouldn't promise so she refused to go to him, so he threatened me with court. It has made this unbearably stressful. After a week and seeing his therapist he has now said he won't ask her about it. He also hasn't gone through with his court threat. I have asked for an apology but he said he's done nothing wrong. I am so upset about everything and found this too much of an extra stress by far. I have felt so alone in this.

OP posts:
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