Colleague issues - Content warning (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

It’s an internal disciplinary investigation (I am assuming you reported it as an official grievance)

There should be a policy somewhere for investigations, which should tell you the process. You should be kept informed of the process and the outcome.

Depending on the outcome he may be fired, he met get a written warning, he may get a verbal warning, he may get nothing. Depends whether it’s viewed as a gross misconduct.

Did you report it?

If he's done the same to other women, it's not all on you: it's not a case of she said and he said. It's a case of multiple shes saying the same things about him and him denying it (or whatever he chooses to say about it). If he's sexually harassed multiple female colleagues, he should lose his job.

Have the others come forward?

Oh sorry, cross-posted.

But yeah, I don't know why you're worried about the effect on him - he's the author of his own problems.

And if he does this to work colleagues, what might he do to other women who are strangers to him that might find it harder to identify him or other women in his life?

Stop worrying about poor little man possibly losing his job when he has a habit of trying to force himself on women.

Similar to you I like to see the good in people and give benefit of the doubt. However, the reality is that not all people are good even if they appear so in other ways.

He has done it to you, presumably to someone else and for all you know has done it to others previously or worse. The other way around is, he could potentially continue to do so or worse in the future.

Don't feel sorry for people like this, they are in control of their own behavior and actions and the consequences that follow.

Anything less than him losing his job and being reported to the police would be a disgrace for the women he assaulted.

I’m sorry you’re finding this stressful but I have to say I don’t understand your attitude on this. He SHOULD lose his job and if I was you I’d be hoping for that to happen. It won’t do you any favours to “always see the good in people”. As is oft repeated on here, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

A former colleague was sacked for gross misconduct for one incident like you describe. It was fair enough, he deserved it. There weren't really any hard feelings on either side and he cleaned up his behaviour, got a new job and has been pretty successful.

That's a good outcome.

I think there's a problem when people's bad behaviour gets overlooked or explained away or goes unpunished, their sense of what they can get away with grows.

Far better he gets a sharp lesson now than he keeps getting away with things and possibly escalates.

There could well be someone who could bring equal value to the team who does not think women are theirs to snog, and does not leave a number of women who they have previously assaulted, feeling awkward every day at work as a result.

Why should a leery drunk face-grabber have the job, and not someone who isn't one?

You shouldn't be being expected to "forgive" this. It will be a testof the quality of your employer's processes, but I cannot think you would be expected to sit near him and be all nicey nicey. You certainly oughtn't to be.

You did the right thing in reporting him, what happens now is not up to you.
Even if yours was the only complaint, it’s up to the company to decide if they wish someone who sexually assaults their employees, working for them.

Stop worrying about him, he sounds a dreadful person.

He did assault you though, and your colleague. OK, it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but grabbing your face, trying to force kisses and pulling you around, not taking no for an answer - it's not OK.

Here's Rape Crisis' explanation of sexual assault:

The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says that someone commits sexual assault if all of the following happens:

• They intentionally touch another person.
• The touching is sexual.
• The other person does not consent to the touching.
• They do not reasonably believe that the other person consents.
• The touching can be with any part of the body or with anything else.

• Kissing.
• Attempted rape.
• Touching someone’s breasts or genitals – including through clothing.
• Touching any other part of the body for sexual pleasure or in a sexual manner – for example, stroking someone’s thigh or rubbing their back.
• Pressing up against another person for sexual pleasure.
• Pressuring, manipulating or scaring someone into performing a sexual act on the perpetrator.
• Touching someone’s clothing if done for sexual pleasure or in a sexual manner – for example, lifting up someone’s skirt.

Please don't feel guilty for not being the first one to report him, it's perfectly normal not to want to and to feel conflicted and confused and just to want to move on from it.

But he's the one who has been behaving badly, and the consequences are on him and no-one else. He's let down his wife and children, he's risked his job, he's chosen to harass colleagues - it's not your fault in any way.

I can see why you behaved as you did OP and I would probably have done the same back in the day when this was more accepted- just brushed it off as one of those drunken embarrassing things that you would rather forget about. However it is not right, it is disrespectful and unprofessional to you his female colleagues to think he can behave this way and even worse if the man has a wife and young kids. What does it say about him as a person?

It is just sad that you wouldn't want this deplorable piece of shit to lose his job. You're both his victim and his apologist. Any negative consequences he has coming his way he has earned and he deserves them.

You realise that every one of these ramifications will be his fault, not yours. If he gets fired, it's because of a chain of events that he started. He sexually assaulted you, that deserves punishment. If his family suffer the fallout, that's due to him, not you.

And you're not going to like it if he gets away with it and you have to continue working with him either.

Unfortunately when someone sexually assaults someone, it doesn't matter what the final outcome is, the victim is still going to end up feeling like shit. But you can logically know what you should be feeling towards him even if you don't feel it: Anger, disgust.

Every time you feel pity for him, tell yourself "No, that's not right, he doesn't deserve that." Enough times and you'll eventually start to believe it.

@Floating83 You sound too nice and forgiving for your own good, which is lovely but it's clouding your judgment, you are not to blame and you shouldn't be worrying about the repercussions for him. I understand how it is because I'm similar in that way and often struggle too but this isn't okay, it's wrong.

If a woman let me touch her bum for whatever reason, I wouldn't take that as an invitation for anything more and I definitely wouldn't grab their face and force anything on them either.

Honestly, some men are deceptive. I once worked with a guy who was adored by all the women as a nice guy going on ten years, he was polite and spoke softly, talked about feelings and it felt off to me it was too perfect.

I eventually went out with them all outside of work with just us guys and the way he spoke about women, the things he wanted to do was alarming and nobody else seemed to care they found it funny. I warned my female friends there to be wary and they didn't believe me, until months down the line while out I brought one of them over hear when he thought it was just us men and they heard it for themselves.

That view the women there had soon changed and I'm pretty sure he got reported and got the sack in the end and he deserved it, he was dangerous. Yet all that time before not one other guy had the inclination to think, this is wrong and this guy is going to hurt someone.