Broken after ending relationship

vodkaredbullgirl · 11/11/2022 12:36

Sounds like you are best out of it.

DowntonCrabby · 11/11/2022 12:39

You are 100% doing the best for you and the DC. Go grey rock and only communicate with him about the children. I hope you have a good support network round your, family and friends who will help you maintain your resolve.

Biscuits1011 · 11/11/2022 12:41

Sounds exactly like my ex… you’re well out of it. You have done the right thing. There are better men out there!

Bedazzled22 · 11/11/2022 12:55

it hurts of course but you have made the right decision.

Letthesunshineonin · 11/11/2022 13:01

Well done for deciding to leave. He sounds horrible. Unsupportive and nasty about your Mum.
Saying you’re pathetic for being unhappy just sums up the types of person he is, a Selfish bastard!
You and your kids will be much happier without his lazy negative influence in your home

mermeration · 11/11/2022 16:10

Natty41 · 11/11/2022 12:33

I don't have anyone who i can talk to and need someone else's view because im made to feel like im in the wrong by dp. Ive left dp after 14 years and moved out into my own home. I haven't been happy for most of those years. He was/is lazy. Doesn't help out with dc, allowed me to do all night feeds with lo then wake up and do school run taking little one with me while he stayed in bed. No help with clubs, activities, days out. I get no me time and when i ask for help he gets mad and says I expect him to do it all. I don't, i want support. Im tired. Puts me down about my parenting. Puts my mum and her mental health down. I am not happy. He said im crazy and it's pathetic im leaving for just being unhappy. He's told me ive ruined his life and the children's life because im selfish and its all about me. Im in bits. I feel so shit. He's making me doubt and question myself

You've done the right thing.

"It's all about you" funny that, cos it's a first after living with you!

ChristM · 11/11/2022 16:18

Natty,

First, yes, as others have said, it sounds like you've absolutely done the right thing.
If you're really unhappy in a relationship and the other person isn't pulling their weight... Get out.
You'll be far happier without someon criticising you and you can concentrate on your kids' happiness AS WELL AS YOURS!
Please don't feel shit. Look forward to a lovely future. Treasure your children and look forward to a future partner who'll love and respect you.

Chris

something2say · 11/11/2022 16:28

Cut off the source. Stop being in situations where you hear what he says. He's twisting it round on you. Twist and blame.

Ofcourseshecan · 11/11/2022 16:36

DowntonCrabby · 11/11/2022 12:39

You are 100% doing the best for you and the DC. Go grey rock and only communicate with him about the children. I hope you have a good support network round your, family and friends who will help you maintain your resolve.

I agree. You have taken the most important step, leaving him. Now enjoy your freedom and work on making a happy home for you and DC. No contact with him except where necessary for DC.

Oopsiedaisyy · 11/11/2022 16:37

I hope you are sharing custody, so he has to step up as a parent?

Original poster

Natty41 · 11/11/2022 16:52

Thank you everyone I do know in my heart im doing the right thing for my children and myself. But dp can be so manipulative that he makes me question everything. @Oopsiedaisyy we will share custody but he will only be having them on the days he has to (when im at work for 2 days a week). Even the the two oldest will be at school the majority of those days. That's how he wants it.

OP posts:

Karatema · 11/11/2022 17:06

Natty41 · 11/11/2022 16:52

Thank you everyone I do know in my heart im doing the right thing for my children and myself. But dp can be so manipulative that he makes me question everything. @Oopsiedaisyy we will share custody but he will only be having them on the days he has to (when im at work for 2 days a week). Even the the two oldest will be at school the majority of those days. That's how he wants it.

That's how he wants it! I hope you get "me" time. If they are his children he needs to step up at long last!

Oopsiedaisyy · 11/11/2022 17:10

Exactly, what exactly are you gaining from leaving, except perhaps slightly less resentment?

WallflowerPerks · 11/11/2022 19:36

This bit stood out for me: "he said im crazy and it's pathetic im leaving for just being unhappy".

Isn't that why anyone leaves a relationship, because they're unhappy? And what does he want, you to stay in the relationship despite being unhappy because that makes him happy?

Clearly he doesn't care, because I'd be gutted if a partner said to me they were unhappy. I wouldn't be happy knowing that, but he seems to expect it as something you just have to put up with

Well done on getting out, and listen to that voice that says you know you're doing the right thing for you AND your kids.

Dery · 11/11/2022 21:02

You’ve done the right thing, OP, but of course he won’t admit that because that would involve accepting that he’s behaved badly. So don’t look to him to approve of what you’re doing because he won’t.

Energyvampirelove · 11/11/2022 21:08

You’ve done the right thing . Sending you love ❤️❤️

Alcemeg · 11/11/2022 21:10

I feel so shit. He's making me doubt and question myself.

No! You're letting his views poison your view of yourself.

This is only natural when you've been used to trying to please him, but there's no need now. He is no longer relevant, and for good reason by the sound of it.

You seem to have your head screwed on. Congratulations on making the break. I'm sure in a year's time (if not before) you will be feeling the benefit! Good luck!