how do we teach our sons to be good husbands?

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I've been thinking about this recently. I have two ds aged 7 and 10, and a dh who has recently had an EA. Couples counseling is helping us explore the various ways our relationship can hopefully be improved.

It's thrown a spotlight for me on what a great opportunity and responsibility I have to teach my 2 boys to be respectful, honest, fair and loving to their future girlfriends/wives.

Is anyone else thinking about this?

haha othersideofthechannel but I was 18 and in military training in and it was only 8 years ago. I had to have daily inspections every day because I couldnt iron the uniform! I met my husband when I was there and he used to have to pick up my clothes iron them and drop them back to me. If he hadnt done that i would probably still be in training now!

Being too pampered as a child when you are of either sex makes you a bit useless when you move out

I think both parents need to live and breathe it. If it is apparent that their Dad adores their Mum and treats her like an equal human being with aspirations, hopes and dreams, then that's what a son will think is the norm. If he sees his Dad speaking with respect and courtesy to (and about) women, that's what will be absorbed.

And if his Mum is assertive, direct and honest in her dealings with people and behaves in a way that commands respect, that's what he'll expect in a partner.

Whereas if his Dad treats his Mum like shit, is lazy, selfish and demeans women generally - and his Mum is a doormat, passive-aggressive martyr, that's what becomes the norm.

I think it's also really important for both parents to challenge sexual stereotypes and double-standards - and for both parents to equip young adults of both sexes to perform routine household tasks.

As a family, we often discuss moral dilemmas round the dinner table and it is quite revealing some of the stereotypes our two have absorbed from their friends (and presumably their friends' parents) and even some worrying attitudes from teachers. Although it jars to hear them, it gives us the opportunity to correct them there and then and give a contrary view.