still feeling low

[banol]

my partner left on monday and im finding each day is getting harder

i have spoke to him since but its like he just blaming me for everything, hes asking me to make all these changes with no guarantee he'll be back said it could be a year before he even thinks bout being normal with me...

we have argued so so much over past 3 years, his temper is shocking and i do blame him for my lack of confidence as when he angry he puts me down.

everyone keeps telling me i'll be fine but i just cant see it, im emotionally drained and finding it very difficult to focas on anything, iv not eaten anything since sunday except a bowl of lucky charms! iv been smoking a stupid amount convinced it helps.

i have 3 children who are all young luckily my 2 sons are with ther dad for 2nyt. (i dont smoke indoors or next to my kids)

basically iv attempted all sorts, got myself counselling which i started this morning next session on wednesday, iv applied for couples counselling who my partner is now saying he wont attend as its 'pointless' iv drawn up a rota as too what happens when, who gets time out when blablabla

i wrote out pro's and con's, wrote a list of everything i can do to help our relationship all the things i can change, what i do and dont like, i showed him and he laughed it off.

he said i put him before anyone else including my kids which is total crap, my oldest son suffers from atopic eczema which is very bad and he has light treatment at the hospital, suffers with asthma and has a nut allergy all that takes time to deal with thats without my other sons bed wetting oh the list goes on, thought it was a cheek for him to say that.

bearing in mind he cant even be bothered to say bye to our own daughter who's only 2...only 2 but temper is shocking.

i feel like im always left to deal with all the shit when he got the hump, this time its very different he wont even answer his phone.

has anyone got any advice for me to make this easier. i aint got friends i lost them when i had kids, my mum died march this year so not got her, just my sister brother and dad but they dont understand

you need to stop being a victim.
dont blame him for anything, people only do what we allow them to.

dont bother showing him any more letters, or even your feelings for now, & i would start counselling alone.

instead of thinking what you can put into the relationship, focus on what you can do for the children and yourself.

you say your daughter has a shocking temper, it sounds like she is being affected by the atmosphere at home.

wont answer his phone?
loser.

do you REALLY want to be with someone like that?

quit whining, and get to work on yourself.
life is what you make it.

I havent allowed him to do this, i didnt tell him to treat me this way.

my daughter is 2, shes in terrible two's she has a shocking temper when she dont get her own way but alot of kids are like that, i wouldnt of thought to blame it on the atmosphere at home, makes it sound like every kid who plays up has a shit home life?

i always focus on my kids.

its that you say he has a shocking temper, then follow it up with she has a shocking temper.
sounds like learned behaviour? though you will know better than i.

you have allowed him to treat you like this, he sounds like a pig, yet you are thoughtfully drawing up ways in which you can change.

what i am saying is, take him out of the equation, he is not bringing anything of benefit to you, work out how you will parent on your own.

dont rely on him for anything as he clearly cannot be relied upon, fgs, he wont even answer your calls!

dont bother ringing the twat man anymore, start creating a life for yourself that you love.

He sounds like no great loss, Banol, but you're used to having him in your life and I dare say there were good times that you miss. It just takes time, and the sensible steps you are taking like getting counselling. Your friends are right that it will get better, but it will take a long time before it feels better.

He is blaming you for everything because he can. If you really agree that some of the problems between you were your fault then by all means address those, it will make you a better human being and potentially a better partner for someone nicer and more deserving in future; but don't start changing perfectly ok things just because he demands it. As you say, your children need a lot of care. As a decent partner and father he should be sharing the caregiving with you, not telling you to take time out to look after him!

Basically, from now on you have to think like a single parent. You need to make a life for yourself and your children, and any help from him is just a bonus. If he wants to sort out his issues (it does sound as if most of them are his!) and come home then maybe, maybe you might want to allow him to. More likely you'll find that life is much calmer and happier without him, though.