Feeling so Low - not sure how to pick myself up.

[LittleLegs24]

I've have just broken up from my boyfriend of 8 years (on and off)

I found out he was actually txting loads of different women trying to sleep with them.

He has done things like this before but i always forgave hium but the amount of women he was emailing/texting was too much and i wanted to show my DD that this is not what a relationship should be like.

The problem is i'm so lonely at the moment - none of my friends have children (I was the first) so i don't really have any friends ne more they are all off doing different things and i can't really get involved so end up feeling left out. Kind of feel like he was all I had (grown up wise)

I just feel lost the moment and i'm not sure how to make myself feel normal again.
Am trying to be the best i can be for DD but i don't think im doing a great job

Sounds like you are well rid of him littlelegs24, have you anyone you could invite over for a drink and a moan? I understand your friends don't have children but am sure one of them would want to be there for you now.

To be honest since i've had DD my friends list has gone down - my best friend is actually working in Ibiza for the summer. Worlds apart.

My other best friend is pregnant now but her partner is my Ex's brother and i kinda need to just keep away from him. Plus she is resting alot at the moment.

I have my sister but just makes me feel all alone you know - like i don't actually have any one to talk to.

I feel like a bit of a loser - no friends, no boyfriend, just me and DD now

Get teary alot.

Sorry if I sounded heartless when I said you are well rid. You are not a loser, you are lonely and isolated. Would it help to vent about it here, am sure there are plenty of people who will listen and try to help you out.

i think you need to start planning for the immediate futute, something that will getyou out of the house, something that intrests you. i'm thinking a part time college course or a night class once a week. although im not in the same situation as you, i find it really hard to be social and usually hate the ideas such as i have suggested but i recently went on a once a week evening short course, and i loved it.

First of all you are doing a wonderful job of caring for DD and don't let anyone let you think otherwise especially yourself. You have made the right decision to split with your partner and, although it horribly difficult for you right now, it will get better. It can be very lonely as a LP but there will be people out there in RL who will be able to help and support you. Are there any groups in your area that you could join? There are also lots of us on here at the moment so please join us whenever you need to have a vent or a moan, we're all hear to listen!

No no not at all desiretochange - not heartless at all.

I'm not getting much smypathy about leaving him - everyone has been telling me to for years and now i actually have they seem to think it's easy to move on from him.

It's hard having to see him all the time too.

It's taken me a long time to leave him for good and i just find it hard not having him there.

Just not sure how to get over him - as i have never been able to before x

Thanks maybe an evening course would be good for me - evenings seem to be the worst when DD goes to bed.

I've started to do puzzles in the evening but that kind of makes me feel like an old woman.

Just feel like i have no confidence now - i gave him everything and it was never enough or just not what he wanted.

and i can't understand why - i was a good girlfriend never cheated looked after DD all on my own and didn't even mind him going out with his mate everyweekend and being too hungover to come and see us both.

I'm just so sad at the moment

Not really any groups round here, was 21 when i had DD so always felt very young in any classes we tried when she was a baby and i guess that has stuck i think i feel concious because i'm single most of the parents are couples and i just find that hard when people talk about family days out with their partners and babies.

it must be v difficult littlelegs, i will be just like you v soon
does he look after you dd at all?
are you into movies/books? try to keep yourself busy
are you close to your parents? can you go see them @ weekends?

No he sees DD every other sat from 12-5 - my only chill time.

I am close to my parents and we see them alot but - its not like my friends you know - it hard to talk to your mum or dad about these kinds of things they just say oh you'll be fine - you'll find some one.

I just can't see that happening. I miss having a cuddle and all that - don't think i will be having those any time soon!

Why will you be like me soon usedtobe?
x x

How recently is the split?

You are well shot of him he had no respect for you, for your relationship, for himself or for your daughter. You are absolutely right to give him the heave-ho.

However..

you feel lonely and sad - understandable. But these feelings will pass... ExBF on the other hand will always be a twunt.

I know you feel a little lost and dejected, you've been let down, very badly, and it's HIS loss, not yours.

If you are finding it hard to see him, could you ask that the meets take place away from yours, perhaps at your mums? Just to give you a bit of space from him?

This is an opportunity to rethink it all, your life, your friends, your hobbies... a clean slate!!

So it's you and DD against the world!! What a TEAM!!!! yeay!

It'll be OK love, in the end you'll give thanks to God you saw through him and his games and got rid. It takes time, hang in there!

having really hard time with DH (long story short: i think he drinks too much de doesnt and refuses to stop/limit/seek help and now he said he will leave if i carry on moaning/insisting on chage)
but i will be in ever worse situation as i have NO family here (im not from uk) apart from my sis living at the other end of england

and all gf's are married so i will be only single one

what r your plans for tonight? movie& popcorn?

We spilt about a month and a half ago now

LittleMissHissyFit your right and that's why i can't do it any more.

Tried to do a bit more at the weekend had a lovely time with DD but on Sat when my X picked her up for the day i was lost - i had absolutley nothing to do.

I think i'm just getting used to the idea that i might be alone like this for some time.

I don;t feel so bad, jus quite alone

Am starting to resent my X too because he has this free life that he lives, always out and about and i am here all the time by myself.
And i feel awful for feeling like that but i can't help it.

NO, you are not ALONE, you are free of that idiot, and you have a wonderful DD to show for it.

How old is she btw? It gets easier with DC you know?!

Your immediate problem is feeling lost when she is with her dad. OK then that is your time! You have 5 hours to do what YOU want to do.

FGS woman 5 hours! on a Saturday???? Get thee to the shops, to the cinema, even if it's on your own it'll be an adult break! Go to the hairdresser/nail person whatever. Look for things to do that will lift your spirits!

If money is an issue, give YOURSELF a spa afternoon! facepack, long wallowy bath, primp and pander, cosset and treat yourself! Go for a run... stick on a DVD, you get the idea!

You are in mourning at the moment, grieving the loss of a relationship. Not for the X himself, but more for the what ought to have been, how it could have been, but never was, and now never will be. It's the death of hope for that notional and imaginary relationship that saddens you most.

You think that the breakup reflects on you? Hardly!, it reflects worse on him, that he couldn't keep his family together, that he couldn't shoulder the responsibility of a man, like a man.

Don't look at this period of life as the be all and end all, it so is not that. You NEED time to lick your wounds, to gather yourself and your strength and to learn what you will and absolutely will NOT accept. This is a very interesting and important part of the rest of your life, and also a crucial part of your NEXT relationship.

This sad phase will not last, it literally will have to give way to something else. To the rest of your life!

You ought to be excited that you have the chance to work out who you are now, and plan for who you can be in the future!

Is there anything you have wanted to try? a course or something, there is your window opportunity. When you are happy and contented in your own skin, not worrying what value some bloke places on you, believe me, you will be at your most attractive, but more crucially, you will be at your most choosy, and you will not make the mistake of picking a carbon copy of the idiot you just escaped from.

Onwards and upwards dear girl! The only way from here is UP!!

LittleMissHissyFit that is superbe advice.

Littlelegs24 believe me this is the start of the rest of your life and yours will be WONDERFUL. Just keep looking forward to all the new opportunities that will become clearer over the forthcoming weeks and months.

LMHF...what wonderful advice

OP, you sound lovely and your fears and concerns are totally normal.

Thank you for what you said LittleMissHissyFit i know your right just want to be over him already and move on and not feel like this any more.

Have actually started looking at doing some courses - i love to cook - so might go down that route. Try to do something for me.

Thank you every one for all that you said - i know your right and it will take time but i think you're right this could be the start of something really good for me and my daughter - just got to look on the positive side of things.

And get on Mumsnet when ever i need to talk because you have really helped me!!

Everything happens for a reason Littlelegs, time for you to find out what!

shh, don't tell anyone...

..

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I think doing a course will really give you some confidence. I am looking into doing a course through OU. You can learn from home.

How old is your dd? My dd is 3 and will be at nursery now so will be using that time to study. The early stage of courses take around 6 hours study time I think.

Have a look open univeristy

Thanks for the hug LittleMissHissyFit!

Am def looking into courses - thanks for the link newstart2010!!

have to update you all, my ex came over to drop DD off yesterday and he tried to kiss me, cuddle me, i was having none of it but its was hard because i felt so lonely and i'm ashamed to say i miss him.

he's sent me a few txs since.....pretty disgusting - he basically wants to have sex "for old times sake" can you believe.

I just feel like a bit of a whore after that - like i was only there for one thing to him when i thought i was so much more

Nothing happened because DD walked in thank God. I just felt cheap after. I felt better that nothing happened but that's obviously all i was for.

Its going to take time i know but how do i deal with this again if he tries it again? Which i know he will.

I don't want to be rude to him - because he can be a right arse if i annoy him. Will be easier if i try to keep things civil at least.

He's just a total head fuck and i wish i could cut him out of my life all together but i can't as we have DD

Its good that you are trying to be civil, but if he is trying to sleep with you 'for old times sake' and you dont want to maybe you should toughen up.

Dont let him make you feel rubbish. It is hard tho...