do you treat others like they have treated you and your family i.e would you come down to their standards or rise above.....

[Nointhemood]

sil has hardly paid any attention to my children her only nephews i.e not even a card on their birth or a phone call on their birthday not even a text.She never comments on any photo's on fb or asks how they are which i find really helpful as i will comment on her stupid dog.If she visits she will talk to them can hardly ignore them but she doesn't visit often. Now she has just had a little girl and we are expected to go visit etc do i take a card and a present like i would if it were a friend or do i just go empty handed like she did. Its not about the money its the thought iywim i mean how much does it cost to buy a card and write it out. She's been making all these expections about her little girl.So in some ways it feels like my to children aren't even important iykwim. I did buy something in the sale but half me feels actually see how you feel when i ignore you dd like youve ignored mine.

Always always always rise above it.....

Definitely rise above it. And if you set a good example she might even realise how thoughtless she has been!

I thought so and i know i probably will but it still feels hurtful especially if she doesn't change when she has a child and still continues to forget my ds's birthdays

go with a card and pressie but if she forgets your kids birthday after that then dont I repeat do not send a card and a pressie in the future.

Rise above it and don't miss out on getting to know your niece. Your SIL sounds like a right weirdo, but you sound nice, so show her how it's done.

You go with present for her, your brother and the baby and make a huge fuss of them all of course.

I wouldn't even dream of "coming down to their level" with someone I didn't like let alone family.

Smile alot, make a big fuss and hopefully she will see the error of her ways eventually.

ohh, so sad! - it would take a lot more than a thoughtless behaviour on the part of the parent for me to practically ignore my nephews/neices. its not their fault!

Definitely rise above it.

Although... How about getting her a keepsake box for the baby? Tell her how much you enjoyed keeping all the cards from when your DC's were born so they can read them when they're older and how you're sure your new niece or nephew would like to see how many people sent them their first cards.

She sounds so self-centred though I doubt she'd realise it was a dig.

I have the opposite, a SIL whose kids I have totally spoilt for the last 12 & 14 years and have millions of photos of them everywhere.

However at xmas I got a huge blown up pic of my DD with SIL's 2. Asked her if she had got one for herself, and she hadn't! Still no pics of my DD in her house, and no real interest but I was expected to paper my bloomin house with pics of her family.

BUT I have a lovely relationship with the kids, it's not their fault she's a insensitive knobber Just remember you're doing for the LO even if baby doesn't realise yet!!!

Bertie feeling sorry for you.

DH and I are probably v wierd in that we have no physical photos of even our own DSs in our house. Loads on screensaver and DHs mobile. Our home has been described as minimalist!

Could it be that SIL is just not a photo person?

Either way bet you are your neices favourite auntie!

OP definately rise above it.

SIL may just change her ways. Anyway the present/card is for your neice!

You know sometimes when people don;t have kids of their own other people's children (even family) are just not a priority.

Some of the lack of attention may be thoughtlessness on her part rather than anything malicious. Now she has her own child she might well realise a few things about what it's like when a relative doesn't give any attention.

I say go with flowers and a present and lots of smiles and see where it leads. She may well learn from your example and pay your kids more attention. If she doesn't reciprocate in the long run then you could try pointing it out to her then.

I would send a card and gift. We have relatives who never send birthday cards, haven't thanked us for the gifts we sent when they had another baby and it does annoy me. If they have another it will just be a card.

because none of the things listed in the OP are really that important to me I don't have to treat people in any way. Are cards really an issue? I send them to some people and not to others, I don't get offended if people don't send them to me. I certainly don't get offended when people don't comment on my facebook.

Personally I think people who count cards and comments and hold onto resentments because of the lack of them are petty. Certainly wouldn't withold cards, presents and comments just to make a point.

my SIL was not at all interested in our children and strangely enough wanted the world to stop when she had hers. I did rise above it and even handmade things for her DC. However her DCs are like strangers to us. They have no real involvement in our lives and it is difficult to feign interest when the adult responsible for building those family bridges is so self absorbed and clueless.
My neices from my other SIL in contrast are like daughters to me. This SIL understands the mechanics of familial relationships and behaves accordingly.

Defo take a card and pressie, afterall they are not really for your sil are they

After that I agree about if she changes does birthdays then you should also but some people just don't buy presents for the whole family.

thanks for the replies like i said it isn't about money or any thing or presents its the thought iywim. A card or phone call would be nice seeing as they are family. And yes it does annoy me that she would expect deffierenly for her child. I know the gift isn't for her so there fore i have already brought something. I just wish she would take more of an active role and interest she is dh sister after all.But then again the whole family are useless tbh.

Do it for the child - not for sil.

But rising above it in the future - I wouldn't.

There are families and relationships that are so one sided it's terrible. If you're in one on them then just focus on your kids.