you can't choose your family but you can choose who you marry into....

[Nointhemood]

would you marry your dp if you really knew what their family was like-have they cause d problems/upset in your marriage

dh married me knowing exactly what my family were like.

He wanted to be married to me regardless of them. Even though they have put strain on our relationship over the years.

However we do have no contact with them now so he doesn't have to put up with them directly any more, just the effect they've had on me.

My husband's family are fine. He was in his 40s when I married him however and his family are fairly peripheral to our lives, as are my extended family.
If he had had a difficult family I think his relationship with them and independance would be the main thing for me, not the relatives themselves.
I expect a man in his 40s to be independant and not care too much whether his parents approve of his decisions.
I couldn't marry a mummy's boy or a man who lets his relatives interfere in his life.

we have no contact with dh family although we do get a occassional text when they want something and cause bad feeling resentment still

i have nothing to do with OH's family except whn his mum collects dses for contact. it is because of them that i wont marry OH.
it has caused mega problems between us and tbh if i was to make the decision again i wouldn't have been with him (but i have two lovely dcs out of the relationship so it aint all bad). if i was ever going to marry i would definitely have to get on with the guy's family.

I didn't meet DH's family until we were on honeymoon, except for his DB who I had met once before and who came to the wedding. DH is a very different person when he's with MIL and I would never have fallen in love with him if we had all been living in the same country. We only go there once a year though, so it's manageable.

My MIL is a nightmare, but wouldn't have affected my decision to marry DH even had I known the full extent of her bitchiness. I have just pared down contact to the bare minimum over the years, as have all DH's siblings and their families... At least DH has someone to moan to about her...

Had I married my only other long-term ex-BF for his mother, I would have a swingin' MIL (she was truly fab!) but would doubtless be on one of the DV threads or be well and truly divorced by now.

God, I think the thought of losing DH's lovely family would put me off divorce!

Sometimes wonder if it was his wonderful dad (now alas no longer with us) that I really fell for.

No - probably not

(Never admitted that out loud, thank god no-one knows me!)

My ILs hate everyone who marries into their family and the signs were there from the beginning what they were like/going to be like ~ MIL threw a right tantrum when we said we were getting engaged. They're selfish, abusive bullies and have treated me like cr@p for 16 years just because I married their Son. This, along with the fact that DH relied on me to 'suck up' their cr@p and play at 'happy families' makes me say No, I wouldn't have married DH if I'd known what I'd have to go through and the blazing rows they'd cause. I put the fact I did marry him down to being young, naive, not having experienced 'adults' in a family throwing hissy fits to get their own way and just having an optimistic belief that it would get better.
Still, after 12 years of taking their cr@p I've learnt lessons; I no longer visit and my MIL especially should be happy that she has her Son all to herself when he visits. They're now his problem!