How would you feel..should I just get over it?

[KAEKAE]

How would you feel if you came across a photo your DP had taken of another woman in a bra in her hotel room? How would you feel if this photo had been taken 11 years ago?

I feel totally pissed off, we moved house, I find a photo, its taken of a woman described above. When the photo was taken I had been with my DP a year or so by then perhaps longer. I wasn't invited on this holiday, it was a family holiday and prebooked before I came on the scene, or so I was told?!

The thing I am most peeved about it the fact that during this time we'd never been on holiday together and he didn't own one picture of me let alone one of me in a bra. (Could have been worse, she could have been topless). Don't get me wrong, I am not insecure at all but I feel, well, cheated on. However, DP thinks I am crazy, it was after all 11 years ago. We now have small children so he reckons I should get over it and stop dwelling. I feel I have been trusting someone that could have it in him to cheat. It's like I've been with someone over 11 years and yet I don't know them at all. I don't know, what do you lot reckon?

My first question would be, why does he still have that photo after 11 years? I'm not sure there are many legitimate answers to that.

if it was 11 years ago I wouldn't give a S**t so long as there had been nothing going on at the same time as tehre was with me

Why was she in her bra? Has he explained the context of the photo?

I think you'd be mad to stress over something that happened 11 years ago. Surely he has proved his commitment to you? I would just try to put it out of my mind completely.

The photo was in a box of random stuff stored at his mothers house. When we bought a house together eight years ago the boxes just got forgotten about. Last year we upgraded house and his mother asked us to finally take the boxes of crap! So we did and this is how I came across it and is why he still had the photos. He ripped it up right there and then once I?d discovered it.

ooh

this reminds me of Effi Briest

7 years after she had an affair, her husband finds out... he has a dilemma about whether to do anytthing about it.

will follow this thread with interest.

You'd been with him a whole year. That is long enough fr commitment. But perhaps he didn't feel committed to you at that time and now does... dunno, I think I'd feel uneasy about this.

PortiaNovmerriment - He says, he got friendly with her family. He was passing her room one day and got talking, she happened to be in her bra and he happened to take a photo, he says he took a photo of her other family members (why?) but I didn't see any and in one of the photos she has a sheet draped over her, in the next photo she doesn't have the sheet and in the last photo she's lying on a bed. But he denies its a bed. [hmmm]

I would say that it is a saving grace that he (presumably) hasn't looked at this photo for the 8 years that the boxes have been with his mother.

I think I would be OK with it if I was given a full explanation. Who took the photo/what was going on. In order to "get over it" as your DP so nicely puts it, you need to know exactly what it is you are supposed to be getting over.

It's all very well for him to say get over it, but he's clearly lying about the circumstances of the photo. If it's nothing and you weren't together, then why not say I took a naughty photo of a woman I had a fling with?

Tech - she was with her DP at the time

Wow, sorry about all the commas above. Battery was running out on laptop and no time to edit.

I would be going mental tbh. The fact remains you had been together for a year and it's not like you would generally take photos of people in their undies in a hotel room is it? I'm not saying that you should leave him or anything- he has clearly got no interest in this person but I struggle to find an innocent explanation.

" He was passing her room one day and got talking, she happened to be in her bra and he happened to take a photo,"

That's a pretty feeble attempt at an explanation!

I would be more inclined to be forgiving if he had owned up to it without pathetic excuses and had acknowledged that what he did was hurtful to you. "Get over it and stop dwelling" is a callous response IMHO.

Actually, unless he has a long track record of dubious behaviour, yes youshould get over it. He's clearly all but forgotten about it.
It also sounds as though, when he went on this holiday he didn;t consider himself committed to you then, whatever you might have thought, but he has subsequently made a commitment to you and stuck to it. The fact that the photo was in a pile of stuff he hadn't looked at for years sounds like it is really no big deal and probably wasnt at the time. It;s not like he's been secretly wanking over it throughout your marriage.

Unless there are other problems in the marriage you haven't mentioned FFS let it go, it;s not a big deal and certainly not worth making yourself unhappy about.

i would be peed off big time!
so waht it was 11 years ago
its still betrayal if you have already been together
if it was taken BEFORE he met you thats another thing but the fact he was with you and didnt feel committed enough ..

well it would bother me deeply that he's a liar.