telling a 7 year old you are splitting up

[everton]

Hi,

My DH and I are splitting up we are going to tell seven year old son o sunday. We are planning to do it together and then take our son to see DH new house. Is this sensible and what exactly do you say to a 'mature' seven year old? Any help much appreciated

My initial thought was that to tell him then show him 'dad's new home' in one fell swoop would be a lot to contend with for anyone, let alone a seven year old, no matter how mature.

Regarding, what to say and how to say it - be as honest as is reasonable, allow him to question as much as he wishes. Be prepared for him to panic and beg. Be calm, comforting and reassuring in your responses. Remind him of external support such as friends and family and consider getting him a pet if appropriate. The last isn't as daft as it may sound, honest!

Everton

I think that doing the two together, as EcoMouse said, will be too much for him to deal with.

And to be honest, it's unlikely that he'll get past hearing that 'mummy and daddy aren't going to be living together anymore'

You need to tell him the intial 'news' and take it a step at a time with him, gaging very carefully how he reacts.

Honesty is the best policy and children often surprise you at just how much 'fact' they can handle but you need to tread carefully with him in the early stages of this.

He will be very upset but might not cry, on the outside at least. As Eco says, he may well shout, ask why alot etc....

Take the time to explain in very simple terms what is happening and will happen in days to come, not weeks and months.

Remember that on Saturday night, when he went to sleep, everything was fine.

He wakes to be told that everything he knew last night is about to be different to one degree or another.

Don't rush into telling him everything all at once.

Give yourselves time to adjust to this as a family.

Good luck x

Ok, I have just done exactly this with children similar age. How I voiced it was that we were splitting as we weren't getting on very well(altho in actual fact he has OW), and that 'all this means is that Daddy is not going to be sleeping here', but nothing else is going to change. (I felt that sounded softer than 'he won't be living here.')Then reinforced that he will still take them to regular activities etc, and everything else would be exactly the same,

That was 4 weeks ago. I have kept routine EXACTLY the same, and exDH is visiting and putting them to bed etc on the nights he normally would (ie a couple of times a week when I work).

It has been completely fine. They have not noticed any difference, and I have not seen any ill effect on them AT ALL. Good luck

Reading with interest as I will be doing same with 9 yr old. If XP agrees, then I would like to do it this weekend too. XP has already moved out to a hotel but I would like to make it final asap, ie. Dad will not be coming back to sleep in our house but everything else will stay the same.

Have recently gone through this with a 6 year old boy. I had picture books at the ready, but really it wasn't necessary. As long as the conversation takes place calmly it shouldn't be too traumatic. I feel for you though - it's awfully tough thinking about how to handle it. I almost felt like we blurted it out. Our son asked a few practical questions and we did take him to see Dad's new place - which he was happy to see.

Be prepared for lots of follow up questions in the weeks after you break the news. I found lots of little questions popped up around bed time. Be available to discuss his concerns whenever he brings them up.

I agree with keeping the routine as normal as possible which is all well and good if you have a good relationship with your ex. Not everyone is that lucky.

Thank you so much for your advice. Your words have calmed me down slightly!

Take your cue from him as to whether to go straight to showing him the new house or not. Telling him together is fine.

My brother and his wife told his then 6 and 7 year old dc they were separated. They said they still liked each other but didn't love each other.

They were very shocked, the little one gasped then cried, the older one kept saying 'don't be stupid, you're joking right?'.

I don't tell you this to upset you, but because I agree they need to sit with this one seismic piece of information before you move it on too much or bring too much else into the conversation.

Bro's dc are now (6 months later-ish) pretty settled.The parents have good friendly mature relationship and they are all adapting.

separating, not separated