grandparents slow to warm up!

[minimisa]

My DPs parents are very posh and quite old and although they love our sons dearly they are very emotionally restrained (it took about six months for them even to touch them!). My twins are now almost two and they still interact with them very little although they do love watching us with them. For selfish reasons I'd be happy if they did a bit more but realise I shouldn't expect a more hands on approach for my own good. My main worry is that as they get older the boys will think their grandparents are, well, a bit wierd. Anyone else had a similar experience?

No haven't had a similar experience with grandmas as both my mil and my mother are and were quite tactile with the kids (my mother passed away almost 4 years ago but she did get almost 5 years with my eldest, 2.5 years with my middle one and 6 months with my youngest). My mil is touchy feely and affectionate with them. I can relate to you slightly slightly on the grandfather front because my dad who used to be more affectionate before my mother's death, is now much less so - but then he is living abroad and very involved with somebody and doesn't seem to have much mental space for the kids when he does come here. Then I feel sad that though they are really excited about seeing him, he doesn't completely return that feeling. My dh's father died before we met.
Your in-laws sound nice but very conservative in a way? What does your dh say? Could he say something to them?

What about your parents - do your kids have contact with them and do they behave differently towards them?

My dad (brought up quite posh, now in his 60s) is a bit like this with my niece and nephew. Doesn't touch them of his own free will but can enjoy someone else playing with them nearby.

I think he feels uncomfortable around children but wishes he didn't feel that way, because he clearly does love them. And they love him too - they're now 4 and 6 and don't think he's weird at all, he's just Grandad. It would never occur to them to ask Grandad to play with them, but they draw him pictures all the same. They don't have any preconceptions about what a grandad should be like, I guess.

Grandad misses out, though. He simply doesn't know how to interact with children, feels nervous and gets it wrong, feels bad and gives up trying. Can you teach your ILs? Maybe show them how to play your dcs' favourite game?

Having said that, my niece and nephew find ways of loving my dad that surprise everyone. I once heard him giving them a dry academic lecture on bees, and assumed the kids must have been bored out of their minds. My nephew, though (then 2) recited the whole thing to me later, more than once. Grandad doesn't play children's games with them but to them he's the cleverest man in the world, and there's nothing he doesn't know. They tell each other he's wise and special. He's happy with that reputation!

Sorry to hear about your Mum Arabella. My Dad's dead and my Mum is completely different, you can't prise her off them!

STBW, I think DP's Dad is probably quite like yours so good to hear that they don't think he's wierd. I can just imagine him giving the bee lecture!