really need help (especially from SolidGoldBrass or AF)

[Elenio]

trying to cut a very long story short.....

Have been with DP 7 years (since i was 20) was on a working holiday on a Greek island when we met. We fell madly in love and i moved to Italy (where he studying) with him, then back to Greece.

Today he has told me that he is not in love with me anymore. He has not been since January but was hoping that his feelings would change.
I work in a small village where we live together his family.
He left today to stay in our studio that we rent in the nearest city. My whole life and future has come crashing down today and i am at a complete loss.
I love him very much, as much as i did in the beginning.

I do not have a 'home' to go to as such and i really have no idea what to do.

of course i welcome any advice, but know that SGB and AF are very direct and i could probably do with that now.

thanks to anyone that has read this far.

Hi Elenio, I didn't want to take over the other thread so found this one.I saw on the other thread that you will be moving into another plaace today . I hope this isn't too distressing - everything seems to be going very fast.

Will you still be in the same village? I know very well what smallish villages in Greece can be like and i hope that you have at least a few people there who will be supporting you.I have been here in Greece for 25 years and have seen your story happen many times but with the opposite outcome ie a long term relationship where one of the two doesn't want to continue but out of some misguided wish not to upset the other person stays in the relationship and marries , has children and ends up feeling trapped and not having a very happy life.

I sometimes suspect that my own husband comes into this category.. I think he felt bad about breaking things off when i had moved out to Greece and struggled to learn the language, find a job etc. We jogged along for many years reasonably happy with the children and things came to a head about 7 years ago. By then my children were in Greek schools and there was no way I could leave - I couldn't support them on my own here and it would have been almost impossible to move back to the UK. So we carry on, not wildly unhappy but definitely not waht I wanted in my marriage. He doesn't seem to mind as much as i do as our marriage now mirrors his parents marriage, therefore to him this is normal.

So, whilst you are devasted now, I have to say that I really truely believe that in the future you will look back and accept that it was better for this to happen now.(If,as a base line you assume that it would have happened at some point in time) The question now, is, what you will do in the future? Well, if you are in a small village with a lot of his extended family around I guess that sooner or later you should move at least to another village/town.Being in Corfu I would hazard a guess that you are doing something related to tourism? So maybe you should see out the rest of the season and then think about moving on. Either closer to your family in Athens, or to another Greek island or back to the UK or even further afield!By the end of the season you will be able to take a step back and decide what is best for you

Will you be able to manage on your salary, my experience says that it will be difficult on your own in Greece especially with the ways things are now and I believe the situation is going to get worse. I'm really, really sorry that you are going through this, is your mum in the picture at all? I'm guessing that she is in the uK?

Perhaps a visit to her in September/October time would give you some distance to be able to reassess everything? In the meantime mia angalitsa from me (())

Thanks so much Polly. Almost everyone has told that this is for the best and that i deserve more.
We were so incredibly in love at the beginning and that is all i seem to remember at the moment. I wish i could just stop loving him. I know it will happen, i just want it to hurry up

As for my future...i am very unsure at the moment. I do really need to stay until the end of the season. I work in the tourist industry but in a good job that i cannot leave at the moment. I guess i need to make a decision for the winter.

My mother is in the UK and i can stay with her but she lives in a small village with no job opportunities. I really have no idea where to go, but i guess the world is my oyster!

I need to focus on the fact that he was a very typical selfish Greek man. His needs were always put before mine.
As my mom has pointed out, i deserve much much more than he was giving to me!

Thank you so much for your kind words and i will keep you updated.

The village here is very small unfortunately and i most definitely cannot see myself staying here longer than necessary.

Elenio, you've disappeared! Are you OK? I'm sure you're busy at work at the moment, but I hope that you are having some downtime too. Also that you have friends supporting you.

Hi...a quick update! It has been a hard summer but there have been many good times! I am still here but only have a week left before i move on.
Ex and i are in a very good place (there was no OW!) and have remained very close and good friends. He has helped me a lot and continues to. I still love him but the love has changed from romantic love to something else.

I have made a decision to go back to the UK for a while but am very unsure of what i will do once i arrive there! I am considering Bristol but have worries about finding a job, somewhere to live etc.....i am however fairly confident that it will work out I am also considering going to uni next year!

The summer was sometimes very hard and i drank a lot to try and get through the loneliness. However there was also a lot of fun and freedom! It was very liberating to stay out drinking and dancing until 7am and knowing that i was completley free! a fling with a very beautiful 22 yr old also goes a long way in mending a broken heart

That was longer than i expected! I just wanted to thank you all for your support back in July. Although i am terrified about what i will do next i am also excited! and happy

Wow, nice thread. Glad to hear you are in such a good place at the end of it. Best of luck for the future :)

...tough few months for you but glad that a little time has helped and although you are a little uncertain about what you will be doing, at least you have now reached a stage where you can see a future..it's a new path and that in itself is exciting...good luck

How nice to hear that you are doing so well, Elenio - and also good that you and XP are on good terms - some relationships run their course but the people involved remain nice people who will always wish each other well.
Best of luck with whatever comes next.