are those texts unsolicited?

[confusedabouthim]

Hi there, first post on mumsnet. iv been reading the relationships board for awhile but was unable to find an answer to my question so
finally decided to post.

here it is. my husband got a text a few weeks ago from a sex chat line which he claims was completely unsolicited. it was one of those hot and horny texts asking to text back if you want to hear more or text STOP to a certain number. he had one a few days later about insurance but he has received a couple more from the sex chat number service.

the thing is he did used to call and text those lines last year and although he has been swearing blind he doesnt know why he got those messages this month I find it hard to believe they would just send a text out like that to just anybody. help here please.

If he was on their database last year, they could have 'accidentally' revived his permission. Some of those companies are a bit unscrupulous and the texts cost a fortune! I ended up on one of their lists a while back, after replying to a misleading ad - it took 3 weeks to get them stopped, and cost me £90 in the mean time

If you can get hold of the company's number, tell 'em you're not paying for any of their texts and view them as harassment. You also need to take it up with his service provider, see if they can block the service and let him off the charges.

Of course, none of this will be possible if he did renew his request

I've had texts like that, and I've never used chat lines, or anything like them.

I had them too. I've never used chat lines either. I assumed that the cost of a "Stop" text back would be stupidly high so I ignored them.

thanks so much guys. i was too embarressed to ask real life friends in case they connected it to me or my husband. just your saying you got them for no reason taghain and invisible man makes me less skeptical.

I am on PAYE and was receiving these texts, I text back stop even though I was running out of credit so not sure how much it cost to stop but it couldn't have been that much.

Now the reason I was receiving them, I presume, was because someone took my phone out with them one night, without permission, and said it was a mistake. When I got it back it was drained out of £8 credit and the sort of sites from were the type that said person had a fetish about. So they weren't strictly unsolicited.

'PAYG'

I just got an iphone with vodaphone, the first text I received was inviting me to call a phone sex line. I've had 3 more since. Never ever used anything like that.

Including one inviting me to look at 'Candice's big tits'

I can look at my own all I like for free, thanks

Hi, I don't want to hijack your thread, but on a similar technical matter, I too could use some help. A female colleague had an emotional affair with my H. She and he used to e-mail flirty messages. He promised me it would stop. He is due to spend some time where she now works. She sent him an e-mail headed. " I have sent this to the 2 addresses I have for you but they bounced back, so am using your work e-mail address" Does this mean he has blocked e-mails from her? I think e-mails from her bounced back once before about a year ago. He still has the e-mail addresses she used to contact him on. Why do e-mails bounce back?

There are several possible reasons for this. It may means he has blocked emails from her but whether they would bounce or just get no response depends on how he is blocking emails and what settings he is using. It is possible it is a "soft bounce", which basically means something went wrong on the internet and it would get through if she tried again. However, the fact that it has bounced from two separate email addresses does tend to suggest he has blocked her.

Thank you prh47bridge. Is there any way of checking which people have been blocked on his accounts? He has gmail accounts.

What methods are there of blocking incoming e-mails?

I notice that he gets a lot of junk mails offering male medication for sexual matters. Does this mean he has been purchasing such items?

how do I access cookies?

Sorry for so many requests, but without snooping I would still be in the dark and being deceived.

The junk viagra stuff goes to everybody- I wouldn't sweat that one.

I've not used gmail myself so I don't know the details but I know you can set up filters to remove emails from particular senders.

Everyone gets junk mails offering viagra and similar. I get them on my Hotmail account, on my personal account and at work. I have never purchased anything of that nature. All it means is that some spammer found out his email address. There are all kinds of ways that can happen.

I wouldn't bother with cookies. They won't tell you anything useful. His internet browsing history will tell you more.

BA, my work emails are published on the Web and I get over 1,000 emails A DAY offering to make my erection bigger, harder & longer-lasting!! It's just machine-generated spam.

If you can log into his gmail, look under Settings -> Filters to see if he's created any special handling rules for messages from this woman. It's more usual, however, to block senders via the email CLIENT, which is on the machine(s) he uses to pick up his mail - Outlook, for example, on a PC, or his phone's email client. These will not show up in Gmail.

I'm concerned that you're still policing him, Aggy. I thought you'd resigned yourself to the way he is?

Sorry for hijack, confused. Re the sexy texts: check his phone bill.

Thanks prh47 and Grace and everyone. Yes I have resigned myself, but he tells me he is committed to real change. He has changed to some extent. He is no longer distant, critical etc. I have moved on, so am not hurt by his behaviour, but am still interested in what is going on or not going on. Secretly I want the other women to be hurt too. Everyone else knew about his behaviour, before me, so I am keen not to be the fool in the dark. I have developed my own friends and hobbies and am in a good place now. We still live apart. We were together a very very long time and are still technically married to each other. I realise I never really knew him, so I am finding out now, but am emotionally distant now. Thanks for your concern Grace. I hope you are okay.

HI Grace, Having read your kind information, In his absence I re-checked his e-mails. There were no filters applied to this woman. Her one e-mail had been put in "trash" (presumably so that I would not see it if I happened to see him consulting his e-mails) and, which does bother me, the message had been put in Archive. What is Archive for? There was nothing else in Archive or Archives. Why file here?

Again armed with your information, on another of his e-mail addresses I happened across MobileMeImap which showed an Alias Address and a Mobile Me Alias, both using the name of my dog. What does this signify? Can I access it and if so how? I did notice that he had received an e-mail from a Clinical Knowledge Summaries, addressed to my dog's name. I assume he contacted them using an Alias. I am so computer-illiterate, and also very naive as I tend to be very straightforward. Help please.

Hi, BA. Archiving the message means it will not be automatically cleared out of Trash. If the conversation is revived, it'll show up again in his active folders.

An alias is just another email address, to be used with the same account. I don't know about MobileMe but the login is usually the same as for the main account. You usually create an alias when you want to hide your normal email address from the recipient, however you can also use them to help sort the messages (like having a work email and a personal one).

Out of curiosity, I looked up Clinical Knowledge Summaries - it's an NHS service. I don't know why it would be emailing him, unless he's signed up to its news feeds. Is that likely?

Funny that he used your dog's name!

`Hi Grace, many thanks. That makes sense. He has suddenly developed health issues, (possibly serious) which may be why he suddenly values me. I stood by him for years. I doubt if his other women would be interested if he lost his status, especially through ill-health. He has been vaguely talking about leaving work and coming and living here. I have discouraged this. I have been in hospital recently. He took time off work stayed here. I think this had more to do with not wanting to be at work. However, he is taking many long weekends here, which is new. Still, why would he archive a message from some woman?