I have realised i have no idea who i am.

[queenofreinvention]

I had a weekend to myself this weekend and did a lot of sitting outside in the sun thinking.

Im 35 and realised i dont actually know who i am.

Ive been seeing someone new for about a month and im morphing into someone else already.
This 'new' me, is just a different version to the 'me' i was when i was with my previous boyfriend.
And that was a different ' me' to who i was before.
and so it continues.

I dont mean to do it, but i do. Hair changes, Style of clothes changes. Im currently wafting about trying to be sohpie dahl. 6 Months ago i was trying to look like a cool rock chic.

Im still me. I still enjoy doing the same things, but maybe some things become more important when i sort of change.

I have spent time on my own and am happy doing so. I just dont know why i change so much as soon as there is a man on the scene.

must cost you an absolute fortune in new gear if you are restyling yourself regulary??

what's the harm anyway - if you are doing it of your own free will rather than in order to please some berk bloke?

well. thats what im a bit worried about.
Its free will. Noone is making me do it but i just sort of do it. I sort of morph into their ideal woman ( as much as i can)

I just realised that left totally to myself i dont know who i would be.

Is it a defensive thing - i.e. creating a 3rd party 'persona' who has the relationship 'for you', so you can keep new guy at an emotional distance?

Looking back, do you feel that if you were 'different' for every relationship then you can lay the failing of that relationship at the feet of your temporary 'persona' and not the real you?

Enough navel gazing! WHy aren't you shagging your new chap?!

I dont even know who the real me is.

Im not shagging him as im a bit confused as to if he likes me, or the sophie dahl me.

Or just wants to have sex with sophie dahl.