Alcohol and a friend

[Cortina]

A male friend of ours says he doesn't have a problem with alcohol. When does a heavy drinker become an alcoholic? He can function fairly well but has been drinking this way every day from his early 20s. He's now 41. He has got quite skinny of late. He seems to be limiting his food I've noticed. Not sure why.

He drinks a bottle of wine Monday to Thursday, sometimes 2 a night. If he goes out, which he does fairly frequently then that's just for starters. Friday, Saturday and Sunday he drinks two bottles of wine before he goes out. He also begins on the beers at about 11am during the weekend period. His weekend nights involve lots of beer, wine and cocktails, he drinks until he is legless.

His hand shakes until he has a drink. He says his limited drinking in the week shows he isn't a heavy drinker.

We worry about his health, we've tried to talk to him but he thinks we are criticiisng him. He's single and he says when he's with a girlfriend again he won't drink quite so much, just he weekly stuff which is normal. Women get him to stop drinking usually.

I am right in thinking that this is going to affect his health at some point, aren't I?

I think you are right. Shaking is a sign isn't it? And that is an awful lot of alcohol.

Sorry can't help anymore. Could you get some advise from AA or your GP?

Is this male friend you refer to a family member?.

This man is certainly an alcoholic. Talking to him is a waste of time and effort on your part as he won't listen to the message you are trying to send him. His life expectancy is likely to be much reduced now.

Would think that he cannot hold down any relationship short term let alone long term as women get fed up with his ongoing drink problem.

Actually he has come out with the same sort of denial alcoholics use i.e "I am not an alcoholic because I drink limitedly during the week". Its all bs, that is all part of the denial of his alcoholism.

This man certainly has a long standing and unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
You are right that it will affect his health at some point if it is not doing so already. Its not just the liver that becomes affected, its the brain with regards to memory as well. His hand tremoring is another indicator of all not being well due to alcohol. His lack of eating is another indicator of decline due again to alcohol.
What does his skin and the whites of his eyes look like?. Jaundiced?.

You cannot help him if he does not want to help his own self, you cannot make him seek help. All you can do for your own self is contact Al-anon as they can help family members and friends of problem drinkers.

Do not drink alcohol with this man any longer if you have previously done so; doing so only enables him and only gives you a false sense of control.

I will put up Al-anon's details for you.

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street, London SE1 4YF
Confidential Helpline 020 7403 0888
(Helpline available 10 am - 10 pm, 365 days a year)
Fax: 020 7378 9910
Email: [email protected]

Heavy drinkers usually don't eat properly and too much alcohol stops the body absorbing the nutrients it needs. This leads to poor skin and brittle hair and nails.