can somneone please help me work this out?

[Mummiehunnie]

Hi,

Divorced, finances not sorted out with ex yet, two kids and a house on the market! not a lot of equity!

Ex has remarried, he left me for her, he has no contact with the kids, and has been very emotionally abusive.

He has changed since getting married, and it is creaping me out, I am wondering if his wife is now involved in sending the emails, neither of us have solicitors anymore, as the tone is very different! and he is being ok with me, I had thought that this was due to me trying to be readjust the boundraies and not let him treat me badly anymore, but I think there is more to this, there always is with him.

I phoned him to test him out really, I know he has been dying for me to react to his marriage, I sent an email saying congralations when I found out, and nothing more, he keeps trying to start aguements about mortgage and house sale, I feel to prompt me to say something.

I phoned him re mortgage (we barely speak a few times a year and briefly), on friday and said nothing about his marriage and we have exhanaged emails, noting about marriage.

Today I spoke to him about feedback from viewings, and at the end of it said why did you not tell the children before you got married, he said it would be too upsetting for them and he was not in a position to tell them, he had seen them just over a week before outside the court for finances, he had not seen them in over a year when he stopped turning up for contact, and family court stopped contact orders. Ps I never stopped him seeing kids, he was making stuff up! long story... of him hiding his not wanting to see kids and hiding truth from others...

So when he saw them in finances court he said nothing, you would know in advance (know where he got married) that you were, and he saw them, so all very odd...

Also I said why did you not tell them after you got married, he said I was not in contact with them to tell them, I said why, he put the phone down on me...

What I want to know really is do you have any idea why before the marriage thing was mentioned he was all chatty with me and ok, for once and I get why he was shamed of himself after regarding the children, it is confusing me, it is almost as if I prefer it when he is nasty and when he is friendly I know there is something up his sleeve! so to speak!

I hope I am making sense, such a long complicated story!

I think he might be focusing all his manipulative powers on his new wife, mummiehunnie. He's invested in training her now, ready for the joys to come (which you know so well). In short, he doesn't care about you guys any more. That doubtless feels very weird, but I'm pretty sure it will be a relief!

Congrats on your mum, by the way

thanks for helping me make sense, it would seem that I was wrong...

I have spoken to him since, he said earlier when discussing the split of equity, that he wanted a larger portion that I was advised he would get, as he wanted to a large home for the family he is planning.... I am livid!

Then later, I said well I have carried out my part of the court order and marketed the house, I won't bother anymore, we can just go to court, I need all of the equity to fund a new home, for his Family he already has, he is now emailing me getting cross at me...

I am questioning myself again now, is this a fifty fifty thing, or am I causing it or is he causing it, he is so dammed insensitive and cruel, anyways the future needs in law of a non existant FAMILY he may or may not have has nothing to do with the whole dammed thing, there are actual real children here he could not give two figs about, rant over!

looks like I am still the focus of scapegoating everything on to and to take everythign away from

Oh dear, mh, sorry to hear that.

Of course it's 50/50 and you are being TOTALLY unreasonable! Don't you know it's your responsibility to make him happy, even at the cost of your own life and your children's??!! If the god-like creature, who once had the good grace to marry you, now chooses to marry somebody else, don't you realise their future happiness depends entirely on you?!

Goodness. What a bad woman you are

You make me laugh Grace, thanks for responding!

so you think I am not over reacting then Grace?

I am still second guessing things like this, and unsure of things, I feel I am working on it from the kids point of view, and then I get fearful that I am doing something wrong!

If I was not a mother I would get 50% regardless split of the property! I am asking for more, as he stole loads to spend on his now wife and himself as a spendthrift, and he put himself into six figures of debt spending money on himself and her to avoid maintenance, he also adjusted his salary to make it less for the past few years to ensure the csa took less of him.

To top it off, he has been selling client names to another firm and has earned about £30k from doing that in one year alone, never mind, having access to his companies ceo's email account for years, and adjusting it so the emails do not change from black once he reads them!

Gosh he is a major narc!