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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So he has admitted he wants 'us' back, but is going about it very strangely!!

47 replies

mummytowillow · 05/07/2010 11:43

Update on my previous post ... he has finally admitted he has made a mistake (took him 18 months) and wants DD and me back!

However, this is what he wants/expects me to do to enable all this!

ME to:

give up another job, take my daughter out of a nursery it has taken her 10 months to settle into and move both of us back down South (300 miles)as he is not giving up his job!

improve things in the 'bedroom department'

give him lots of love and affection as apparently this was lacking!

not to mention 'the affair' anymore, however he can constantly refer back to how I was with the PND!

He is going to do:

NOTHING ... oh he said he would be more thoughtful with christmas and birthdays instead of chucking a card in the weekly shop .. how kind of him!

He genuinely believes he has no faults and does not need to change one bit! He has just sent a text saying maybe we should get divorced as I have said he needs to 'prove' himself to us, he basically can't be bothered so is taking the easy option. He thinks I should just say yes and it all goes back to normal! Anyway, I have finally come to my senses and WILL NOT be taking the complete idiot back!!

Anyfucker ....... I await your wise words please!

OP posts:

cheerfulvicky · 05/07/2010 13:24

What a complete knob!! you must be DELIGHTED to be shot of him.
Don't worry, the legal stuff will work out in time if not immediately. Hmm, unless we had a quick whip round? I bet 2000 MNers would pay a quid each to help you cut all ties with knobface

Gay40 · 05/07/2010 13:29

I'd put a pound in the post now, for the pleasure of telling him to shove his arrogant offer up his arse, wrapped around an unripe pineapple

mtor · 05/07/2010 13:39

pound from me as well. Would be great if Mumsnet could "hold" donations for this sort of thing.....I guess it wouldn't be worth the admin????

cheerfulvicky · 05/07/2010 13:50

OP could set up a Paypal account I s'pose..

Confuzled · 05/07/2010 13:59

Pound from me too. Worth every damn penny.

Set up a paypal account for it? I suggest the email addy should be SmallKnobBigEgo at hotmail (oh, for a misplaced vowel and a lost consonent) dot com.

uandme · 05/07/2010 14:10

Lol at Gay40...
But on a serious note.

I could have actually written the post out myself as our situations are similar in terms of ex's conditions.

Except that he 'wants' to live as a family but i should just 'forget' about what he has done in the past.

He doesn't feel he needs to get help for anything.

The arrogance in some people.

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 14:12

uandme...and you have also told him to go stuff himself, I trust ?

uandme · 05/07/2010 14:15

Yes...in the nicest possible way. :-)

'Fuck off...I don't want to hear your shit'

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 14:18

am likin' it

ivykaty44 · 05/07/2010 14:22

I would tell him that you couldn't possibly get back with him as he deserves someone that suits him so much better than you do and you hope he can find that someone who is all the things he wants them to be- now fuck off from texting me and get the solicitors to sort things out

uandme · 05/07/2010 14:32

LOLLLzzzz

drloves · 05/07/2010 14:37

What a nobjockey !
Tell him "back of the que mate !"

divorce the git , get the house. your his current wife ...you are entitled .dont listen to rubbish about it . get the pension , you should be entitled to half for the years you were married .

Original poster

mummytowillow · 05/07/2010 15:39

Thanks for the replies, very funny!!

I forgot to add, as he is unwilling to relocate to where we are, he suggested we live as a 'family' on the weekends he visits and keeps his flat! So he gets to keep his 'single' lifestyle, whilst I provide everything else! He really is a first class knob!!

If I don't 'contest' the divorce ie give into to everything he will pay the £300 he thinks its going to cost? So he can go right ahead, but I am not going to lie down and take his crap!

The solicitor said something interesting, she said unless I can prove he has had an affair in the last six months, then I can't cite 'adultery', as we separated unofficially 18 months ago its a no go, I really don't care what the divorce says as long as it gets done!

OP posts:

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 05/07/2010 15:44

OP take huge and delicious pleasure in writing him a letter, reiterating that you will not be taking him back - ever - and add this:

I long ago realised that you were incapable of meeting my sexual needs and I am really looking forward to giving someone else that opportunity. I hope that in time you will meet someone who wants sex with you as much as you want it with her. Good luck.

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 15:53

I expect he would bring his laundry for you to do during those "family" weekends, wouldn't he

And a nice bachelor pad out of your sight for when he is shagging -some-- bint working hard

fabatforty · 05/07/2010 16:17

I would send him a polite letter, stating that unfortunately his offer fails to meet any of your requirements. Furthermore, unfortunately, it is a little late - you are already having some rather delightful discussions in intimate restaurants with a 28 year old ex-model, now Cambridge academic taking a phD as he inherited £5 billion when father died.

So far relationship is just at the cerebral level but all is looking promising and you appear to be a 100% match in the bedroom department - you just happen to know an ex-girlfriend of his who says he is the best lover she has ever had!

What a shame! The train has already left the station for your soon to be ex!

noddyholder · 05/07/2010 16:21

I suspect it may be worth all the pain you had initially to see the look on his face when you laugh and tell him to f off forever!

vertigo · 05/07/2010 17:10

Ah mummyto, I got something similar when going through an i don't love you any more patch courtesy of (ex)dp and I was bending over backwards. I am not saying yours will act like mine - but just to share with you a possible outcome...

I got this:

? if i said that I might consider not leaving were you to change aspects of the
way you interact with me, would you change?

!!!!

I found out about his affair sometime after agreeing to the above (having pointed out that there were problems I was having with him too: withdrawal of affection, emotional and physical distance etc etc) and, needless to say, I failed the test.

I think this allowed him, in his head, and to be able to say to the outside world, that he had tried. The fact he failed to disclose to Relate that he was seeing someone else was, seemingly, immaterial!

If you do decide to try again those terms are utterly untenable. Seems you have decided this anyway but wanted to add as it seemed spookily deja vu-ish

vertigo · 05/07/2010 17:13

ps. didn't read updated thread of today so sorry for utter outdatedness and wish I had been half as a savvy as you are!

lazarusb · 05/07/2010 17:14

Really- stay far away from him. He is completely unreasonable and was lucky you put up with him for so long.

BaggyAgy · 05/07/2010 19:05

Hi,

If you are married to him you will very probably get a share of his police pension. His previous ex probably got other assets instead of a share. Police pensions are amongst the very best, so do not be fobbed off. You have a right to a share of this pension, it is a matrimonial asset which you would have enjoyed eventually had your marriage continued. If your solicitor says you have no right to a share, maybe change solicitors.

VirtualPA · 05/07/2010 19:15

You are better off without him .... twat

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