Help me be strong please

[whatname]

H is an arse. Been going through a stressful time, he works very hard, but we have a lot of debt so money been very tight( long story). I have been trying to get a job for couple of months, couple of interviews but nothing further, I have been out for three years now so would be first job after ds. I also earned a very good salary so should have good earning power. Anyway, rows have been dreadful and he would have left only nomoney to go to hotel and no family here to go to, so kinda been separated but still in same house. Been bearable. Row today unbelievable. He told me I was a fucking cunt and told me I didn't deserve our child and I couldn't hide behind two miscarriages re not going back to work. I have tried everything to get a job, and now desperately want it to get away from him, so no way I am shirking. So he tells me to get a job or get out, threatens to phone my family. So I say don't worry I will go. Says I can't take the car, have to get the train, says he will slash the tyres. Then he phones my poor mother and tells her our marriage is over, I am coming home and can she recommend a hotel for him to stay at at the weekend when he comes to visit ds. Then starts to cry for the sympathy vote,My poor mother has a heart condition and is going on hols
today, so Is now worried sick.
So was determined to leave but now he had been begging and crying for 3 hours mainly about ds but also what we stand to lose.
I feel like now my family know, there is no turning back and no excuses I need to leave. But have job interview on thurs and ds parent evening next week and can't afford petrol or train to keep coming up and down.
Talk to me please, tell me I need to leave, tell me I will never look back and will be much happier.

oh, And he has told some of our friends and only one of them has text me

oh, And he has told some of our friends and only one of them has text me You do not know what he's been telling them really. If they're important to you and good friends, I'd ring them yourself and tell them a version of the truth you're comfortable with. It maybe they do not know what to say, or your H has not been entirely honest with them on the facts. I tried very hard to ensure mutual friends didn't take sides and to be careful and considered on what I said but my situation was very very different to yours, so I feel rather out of my depth really and may not be making helpful suggestions, my H was such a coward he wouldn't tell people the truth about his affair and disappeared off the face of the planet really.

I got the impression your DS was in school, due to parents evening being mentioned in your original post. I think I'm getting confused inbetween watching my 2 small DCs and sometimes peeking at mumsnet You do usually have to wait to be seen at CAB and it's a first come first served in many places but it's really worth trying to go, if someone can look after your son for you, such as a friend or someone you trust?

Keep trying womens aid as well.

Sorry I got confused about the job interview. Good luck for today. Be great if he does stay with a friend, it makes more sense. Change the locks though when he goes!

Right, need to get back to my 2 cheeky todders again.

cestlavielife-Of course I agree that if one party refuses to engage with a process of mediation then it is impossible. But it should still be a starting point, besides which it's useful for your solicitor to be able to tell the Judge that, whereas in the best interests of the children you were striving to reach a mediated agreement, your ex refused to engage. Don't forget that mediation does not mean that you have to sit in the same room as the other party. The whole idea is that by using intermediaries you take some of the steam out of the situation.
There are cases where, due to the mindset of one of the parties, mediation is impossible. Unfortunately, there are also cases where mediation is 'tactically' avoided by the resident parent, in order to increase the time that the non-resident parent is separated from the children, which is shitty, irresponsible and cruel to the children.

teaandcakeplease-I'm sorry if I sounded alarmist, but the system is what it is. The way which you have handled your own situation sounds like a textbook example of how to go about things. Avoiding conflict escalation is the key.

teaandcake, thanks I was going to ask how people dealt with the joint friends. I'm going to talk to one of them today. TBH, they are more his friends, but one of the girls I am really friendly with, and she can see behind his facade. She sent me a message saying she thinks I am fantastic!! read into that what you will!
DS is nearly 3, its nursery parents evening, but we still have to go.
i really don't have any friends that I could leave DS with. how sad is that. and our babysitters are the nursery workers, so they work daytime. i think i will have to go for drive and get him to fall asleep!!! so i can go to see cab. they are only open Mon, tue,wed.
miserable being back home again
and mortgage co wont give us a decision until survey is done, and that costs £510!! what a vicious circle!

and thanks for the legal advice, it is very scary, but not quite there yet, so will come back to it

My DD is 3 at the end of July and I have a 17 month old son. I go to church, so I have a lot of friends through that, who can watch my kids luckily, although I drag them a lot of places with me often nowadays. I've got used to it now. My DD is happy with pen and paper half the time and snacks, whilst I do things, so I think I'm lucky.