Trouble with In Laws

[Traceyv]

We have been married for 12 years. Our problems started 6 weeks after going out together. My mother in law took a dislike to me beacause she realised I was taking her son off her. She would bad mouth me to everyone she met and to my family.Things escalated and went from bad to worse. She even tried to have our adpoted children taken from us because she said I was an unstable & unfit mothe. She even turned the rest of my inlaws against me with her lies.My bigest problem was convincing people what she was doing as she was a keen church go'er and did a lot for the church. Even my own family would not believe me at first until she started harrasing them and they caught her out. By then it was too late as I had had a nervous break down and was on a lot of tablets. 3 years ago I had to move to a different town away from her otherwise I would have ended up in hospital. She was still harrasing me until my mum sent her a letter threatning solicitors. Unfortunately I am also away from my family and I now miss them a lot. In January I sent her a letter to try to reconcile things but this backfired and made things worse as she was unable to let go of the past. I found out in February that I am pregnant with our first natural baby and would dearly love to be near my family so that I can get their support with the children etc.I have not told my inlaws about the pregnancy even though my mum wants me to. I can't because they have never accepted our adopted children.I am not enjoying the pregnancy because I fear that the baby will look like my in laws and I will not be able to bond with it. Now after 12 years of abuse and trying to sort this out I am stuck and can not see light at the end of the tunnel. I know I have not done anything to provoke this and my husband is fully supportive even to the extent that he has disowned them. I know I can't go back but I don't know what to do.
Please help.

You've got support here

I am a first timer on the and really need your help with this. Is there anyone out there who can really help us out?

Traceyv, I dont know what to day, it is obviously a terrible situation for you to be in, and feelings run very deep.

Try posting your 'question' to Denise Knowles on the 'Ask the Expert' section of Mumsnet. She may have good practical (and professional) suggestions.

I'm sure we would all love to help, but it sounds very complicated. Sorry xx

PS: The best thing is you have your husbands support, that seems crucial in this.

Traceyv, I dont know what to say, it is obviously a terrible situation for you to be in, and feelings run very deep.

Try posting your 'question' to Denise Knowles on the 'Ask the Expert' section of Mumsnet. She may have good practical (and professional) suggestions.

I'm sure we would all love to help, but it sounds very complicated. Sorry xx

PS: The best thing is you have your husbands support, that seems crucial in this.

Traceyv, I agree with Ems. If you read some of the past questions and answers in the Ask the Experts section you'll see you can get very helpful advice. It would definitely be worth posting a question to give you some fresh ideas about coping with this complicated situation.

Your mother seems very supportive. Would it be any good getting her or your husband to talk to your mother-in-law on your behalf? Surely your MIL doesn't want to sever all contact with her son, and her grandchildren, adopted or not? And now you are pregnant, the thought of seeing a new grandchild might just persuade her to rethink her approach.

Traceyv, sorry to hear about your problems.
Does your husband have brothers and sisters? Can you approach them on the subject?

Have you told your husband all these feelings - get him to read what you have typed.

Is your husband able to have a private conversation with his Dad to find out what is going on?

How was your husband's relationship with his Mother when he was growing up?

I have had problems with my own Mother and started a thread entitled 'am I the only one with a miserable mother'. What I learned from all the messages of support was that I have to hold on to and nurture what I have got and try to let go of what isn't there. You have a good supportive husband and a family and a new baby coming, you need to concentrate on what you've got and the happy times, build a 'defence' system around yourself and try not to put yourself in a position that may hurt you.

Good Luck

Thanks for your support. Tigermoth- unfortunatley we have tried using LH brothers & sisters but they support their mother! Riahnnon- LH has read the message and he has done everything he can over the last 12 yrs to help.

Tracey - on the home page there is a section on how to cope with interfering in-laws by Denise Knowles. This was written in response to a problem one of the Mumsnet members had. Have a read and you can ask Denise about your own circumstances.
See you soon