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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friendships and how they end...

15 replies

LollipopViolet · 03/07/2010 21:55

How do you know a friendship has run its course? I'm friends with 2 girls I went to school with, and recently, one of them has changed and not for the better unfortunately.

I'm actually off to a music festival with her (and some other mates) at the end of the month so can't do anything til August really. But I think this friendship is over.

To clarify, we're all 20, none of us have kids yet.

L, the friend who I'm having problems with, is constantly after the closest thing in a pair of trousers, to the point it makes her seem quite desperate. Like, wearing a really short dress to our local pub. She used to be very tomboyish and when she's in a dress you can tell she's not truly comfortable. She's always going on and on about this lad, and when you ask are you seeing him she changes the subject or says things like "only for fun I'm not dating him or anything". Read into that what you will.

Anyway, for me that's not the biggest issue.

The biggest issue I have is how she treats me, and especially our friend B. She's always asking her for money, large amounts like £30, even though she works full time. She also only goes out with us if none of her new work friends or her 16 year old friends from her street are free.

When we do go out, we never DO anything, we just drive somewhere and sit in her car for hours. Or she wants to set off Chines lanterns or something. Me and B prefer going to the pub, or shopping, or planning and going on day trips to places with our other friend H. We always invite L, but she's ALWAYS got an excuse. If it's me and B, fine, she'll come out, if H is coming, there'll be some excuse.

Which brings me onto another issue. I think L has problems with disability. H is a wheelchair user. They've met on 2 occasions, and both times L and H seemed to get on. But if me, B and H go to the pub, and ask L, she'll ALWAYS say no. And she's actually said, "Don't expect lifts from me if H is coming out. I'm not going to be able to get her wheelchair in the boot." Fair enough, but she's never actually tried to fit the chair in. She won't go on trains so when 3 of us get a train, she'll refuse to come with us. She generally gives me the vibe that she's either jealous I have a new friend, or she's got a problem with H being a wheelchair user. This winds me up no end, I've only known H three years, but she's a lovely person who has tried to get on with my mates, and has succeeded in every case apart from this one.

She makes snide little remarks about B behind her back, and sometimes to her face. And she's generally unpleasant to be around. She uses some horrible terms as insults, mong being the big one (sorry everyone!) and when I confronted her about the true meaning of it, she said, "Oh I mean it in a nice way, I call my mates it."

I arranged a weekend away as a group for her 19th, as well as for the birthday of another friend. She didn't have to pay for hotel or theme park entry. She buys me a £10 meal for my 20th.

Sorry, just needed to vent. I'm going to the festival then I'm just not going out with her anymore. We've grown up, she hasn't. So, does this sound like it's run its course?

OP posts:
Northernchick · 03/07/2010 22:01

Yes dump her she sounds a rubbish friend!
x

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/07/2010 22:04

You've lost me, I'm afraid (but I'm an old gimnmer ).

It all sounds a bit Vicky Pollard to me - yeah but, no but, yeah but no but, and everyone knows she's a right slag.

But yes, probably has run its course.

LollipopViolet · 03/07/2010 22:10

MrsS, I lost myself during that, don't worry! I just needed a moan, and some reassurance.

OP posts:
compo · 03/07/2010 22:15

Yes I would distance yourself after the festival, is it Reading ?
Who wants to sit in a car with a catty mare?!

LollipopViolet · 04/07/2010 10:41

Compo, it's Sonisphere in Knebworth. Should be a laugh, and a chance to see if this friendship is worth saving. Luckily going with other mates too so if things are tense I'll have others to talk to. But this is why I'm not doing anything til after, I don't want to be on tenterhooks all weekend.

OP posts:
lazarusb · 04/07/2010 20:31

Maybe this friendship has run it's course and it's time to let go. It sounds like you have less and less in common as time goes on. There seems to be quite important differences between the two of you.

LollipopViolet · 04/07/2010 21:44

Yeah, I think so too. It's all kicked off between B and L this evening, basically B told her what she's been thinking and feeling, and although I feel the same way, I need to keep my cool this month. I'll be fine as long as L doesn't bring it up, although if she does I'll just tell her I'm not getting involved. I've been sent a text conversation between them, from B, who really is fed up. It's not nice, B has basically explained she doesn't want to go out if it's just going to be hanging around in a car, L goes on about what they're supposed to do when she's got no money, and it just escalates. Still, I'm not directly involved yet. So if I keep my head down it should all be OK.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 21:53

TeenagersNet is thattaway >>>>>>>>>>>>

toomanystuffedbears · 05/07/2010 02:32

But why wait another month? How can you expect to enjoy the festival while trying to monitor L as if judgement day?

Dump her now.

AF
SandboxNet could probably solve it easily but L probably wouldn't play 'right'.

thumbwitch · 05/07/2010 02:40

She doesn't sound much like any kind of friend to keep. And if you feel like this now, you should probably get rid of her now, not wait until after the festival - you'll end up being a hypocrite for too long if you're already feeling bad about things she says and does.

If you want to be true to yourself and your feelings, let go of her now and find someone else to go to the festival with.

I must admit, I was a bit that you were only 20 - I thought this was going to be from someone rather older - friendships at your age can still be very volatile as people are still finding their adult feet, some faster than others. Sounds like you've found yours a bit quicker - you can either wait for your friend to catch up if you think she will, or just get rid if you think she's going to be set in her unpleasant ways.

kittyonthebeam · 05/07/2010 07:25

@ AF

I thought it was called mumsnet for a reason. Are there no help forums for teens and tweens?

Honestly woman, dump the stupid trollop and get one with your life. Why waste another second on this ignorant person...

TotalChaos · 05/07/2010 07:50

aw you lot, Lollipop is a very pleasant young lady who posts sometimes on the SN board as she is partially sighted (apols if that's not the right term, think that's how you have described it in the past), I think that's how she "discovered" MN.

agree with thumby - when I was a young age (old gimmer emoticon) I expected friendships to last - but you will find that some are keepers and this one sounds like it isn't. I would keep a distance but avoid overt confrontation.

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 08:04

I am sure lollipop is a very pleasant young lady, nobody said anything different

I for one, was reacting to the drama of the she said/then she said, two-faced behaviour and friendships conducted by catty text

Very Vicky Pollard, innit

LollipopViolet · 05/07/2010 15:11

I outgrew TeensNet years ago! It's worse than MSN for the text speak! In all seriousness, I haven't found a site like this for my sort of inbetween age group, and I came on here for advice about...something and just never left! Tend to stick to Chat and SN (TC, partially sighted is fine by me!) .

To be fair, I am going to see less of this person this month. The reason I can't drop her now, is that I've paid money into the festival, whereas she's been given a ticket as a birthday present, so not going is not an issue, and if she decided not to go because things between us had got bad it would mean someone being out of pocket, which isn't fair on them.

To be honest though, I have a valid excuse for not seeing much of her til then, which is, I'm not working at the moment, not through want of trying, so I need to save for the trip. It might be that we just need some space and things will settle down, if not, I'll just tell her how I've felt and try and gently cut my ties with her. I'm probably moving out of area in a year or so, so either way I'll soon be out of this mess.

And, Any, yeah, I agree, completely Vicky Pollard behaviour! She hasn't contacted me all week so either she is in one big hissy fit and not talking to ANYONE, or she knows me and B are quite friendly and is ignoring both of us. We'll see.

Thanks for listening anyway everyone, will probably leave posting here til after the festival and let you all know if time has indeed sorted things out for me. Or maybe a camping trip, lots of drink and good music will do that, who knows?!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 16:21

Good on you for taking some ribbing as it was meant to be, lollipop

Enjoy the festival x

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