Even if ppl change how can they forget all the good we did???

[xnikolinax]

I would prefer not to go into details of our marriage. I just want to ask all of you:

People change, ok, I can understand that. But how can they forget all you did for them, all they did for you, all the things you did together, formed a life, were eachother's best friend. You breather together, eat together, shared bed, air..money. You and them have been somebody you could always turn to, your accomplice in life.

How can you just not love somebody anymore. How can you not love somebody that loves you so deeply and shows it every day in every way. How can you be willing to give that up?

I don't know..I just think that life and love are messed up. Or actually people are. I believe I can trust nobody anymore. I mean come on, seems everybody can just change overnight and I just have to go with it?

Honestly I just want to go around the world and mess up every single man I see. Thank God I ams till pretty young and I could actually do that. I know it sounds terrible but look at what they are doing to women. Look at it!!!!! How is that acceptable?? I gave my whole life to him and in the end received only heartache in return. How is that ok??? How?

I say it is not. I say we should starta revolution and never give our whole soul to somebody. And each time they screw us over we should be as mean and as dismissive as we can. They deserve nothing more.

I am tired of being a doormat. Aren't you all? Because in the end it seems we are only that. Well screw men!

Hmmm...just make sure you don't become the sort of woman who hurts other women like you've been hurt. Unfortunately, it often happens like that. Not all men are horrible either, so confine your disgust if you can to the one who has hurt you. Someone else really won't.

lesson learnt....i will never ever completely give myself to a man again. ever

i will never live with a man again either!

I would never hurt another woman intentionally. I could never be with a man that is involved with somebody. Ever. That is a huge NO for me. I pity those men.

Just a little side note I wanted to add: have you ever noticed how most of the bad things in the world are done/started by men? Pick up your newspaper. Killings, rapings, steal, cheat..start a god damn war. It's all men.

Of course there are good men. I met three. Out of a gazillion I had the 'pleasure' to meet or hear about in my life. I truly wish we as women could start a revolution. At the first sign of a jerk we'd run away and never come back. I think just that little step would take us so far.

I have only met one man that loved his spouse unconditionally. I have met many women that loved their significant others more then themselves. Anybody wanna tell me there is nothing wrong with this equation?

I've posted a few times on here when women have been really upset over their partner's infidelity and tried to put some perspective on it, as in - well you are still alive aren't you etc. But I found that no-one would accept that point of view, ie: it's not NECESSARILY the end of the world if partner has a fling with someone because you still have lots of things that are worth living for and men can be incredibly stupid.

The reason I have this perspective on things, even if it is a bit cynical, is that I do not think you should allow someone else to be "responsible" for your happiness. I watched my own parents melodramatic marriage for years and years and in the end I just thought "oh for god's sake just stop all this stupid drama and get a life". They had good health, lovely children, money etc etc but just made themselves miserable worrying about "their relationship". In the end I decided it was sheer indulgence.

Which is why I have quite a low tolerance for relationship drama. I am sympathetic, but I don't think it is sensible to give another person the power to "destroy" your health and happiness.

So if my partner did a dirty on me it would not destroy my life at all. I would be quite happy on my own, or possibly with someone else. Or I might tolerate it and get on with my life, if that suited me. I'm just not going to let some man and his ego mess up my head space.

Great perspective, thank you. However, I think the problem arises witht he fact that people have different personalities. Some are more emotional, more melodramatic, some are not accomplished let's say professionally and are more distraught when the center of their life disappoints them in any way. Some women are more sensitive, some love deeper then the others. If we all could think in more reasonable terms it would be much easier for all, including me.

However, when you are a mostly heart person as I call them, or us, it is a bit more difficult to put things into perspective. And when you love somebody unconditionally it is impossible not to fall apart and be angry for being taken for granted and basically used.

I hear all the things you are saying. I am quite an emotional person as well, so have the capacity to be badly hurt. But once it has happened a few times, it just gets easier to deal with. And in the end you get to a stage where you can scrape yourself off the floor and just not care that much, if that makes sense. Also, dealing with bereavements and very ill children/friends does really put a perspective on everything else. I think in the end these things can make you much stronger.

I think an advantage of having a father who was a bit of an arse (as mine was) is that you tend to have relatively low expectations of the opposite sex. Therefore, when they behave well, it is quite refreshing. Also, you hold quite a bit back which I think men quite like - don't give everything away.

I have a few friends who had fantastic fathers and they often seem to end up disappointed in their relationships as no-one else can measure up. The other advantage of having a chauvenistic father is that your radar becomes incredibly fine-tuned when it comes to men. The tiniest whiff of mysoginistic behaviour/disrespect towards women and I cannot move away fast enough.