I have just spent a lovely, but exhausting couple of days with my friend. She is in a really difficult, emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. I think she is getting closer to the point of leaving and I am doing everything I can to support her through it, but I don't know whether I am doing it right. I have left an abusive relationship myself (funnily enough her DP and my XP were friends, that is how we met) so I am just doing everything I can think that would have helped me.
Just need to offload a bit. I am scared for her - he hasn't hit her (yet) but recently raised a fist to her in an argument and smashed dishes in the sink on another occasion. He has also commented to friends (apparently) "I swear if she'd have done that again, I'd have smacked her" . Other reasons I say he's controlling is although neither of them work, he stopped her claim for DLA (which was related to a mental health issue) because she "didn't need it", and has put all benefits through as joint claims but in his name, into his bank account (even child benefit). She has to ask for every bit of money she ever wants - whether to catch a bus into town to see a friend or buy essentials like deodorant. When he does give her money he tells her what to spend it on and tells her she's wasted it if she spends it on anything nice for herself or their child. Meanwhile, he spends the money they get in as quickly as it arrives on alcohol. She even told me that he complained about buying toilet roll as it ate into his "beer fund" Such ridiculous, petty comments just seem like everyday things. Loads more stuff but those were the main two which jumped out at me.
I feel like all I can do is keep telling her these things aren't normal and that she can leave, she isn't useless, she would manage, etc etc. I gave her the phone number for Women's Aid but she didn't want to ring it when I was there and she wouldn't write it down in case he found it. I have said she can call me at any time of night and if she was really stuck she could come to my house, but I don't know whether this was the right thing to do. I am in a private rented house and I don't know if I am able to have anyone else living here, I don't know if it would be counted as temporary if she stayed here for a few nights while she got something else sorted. I know that there is a young mum's hostel type thing locally - I have a family support worker and she's always inviting me along to events etc they run as the support isn't just for mums living there. She said she would be okay living in a shared house as long as she had somewhere safe for her and her child to go.