Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out...

[JonahB]

DH of 13 yrs and I have finally said goodbye. He officially left the marital home and moved into his own house as of this evening. My 2 DS's (3 and 5) are safely tucked up in bed. It feels v v strange. Feel v sad, but also a little liberating. Its been horrid for the past year, although as break-ups go, it has been amicable of sorts.

Not quite sure what to do with myself now. Should i be drinking a bottle of wine and drowning my sorrows, or systematically cleaning the house from top to bottom.

Any suggestions on how to manage the next few weeks with the DS's from ur experiences of break-ups would be greatly appreciated. Any danger signs? Anything to avoid?

Big, virtual pats on the back would be nice too

A sneaky hug from me.

Open the wine!

make the house yours! Decorate, declutter and eat crisps in bed!

Enjoy
Xx

I've opened the wine. The decluttering will start tomorrow. Crisps in bed, hmmm, not contemplated that but well worth consideration.

Thanks ladies. A bit of virtual moral support goes a long way...

Well, I am - Wish we were at that stage.

Start planning for tomorrow

Oh Well Done Jonah! I did the same thing only 3 weeks ago, and I have come a long way in 3 weeks, although I know that realistically I will be up and down for a while.

It is very empowering. Bravo Jonah!! I know better than most that it does take much careful thought and much guts to make such a decision. Also recommend much clearing out cupboards and decorating

It's a weird feeling - in my case I moved out but that first night alone with the DCs was very very odd - I had no idea what I was meant to be feeling. It is sad, but you're moving on. You'll be OK .

Let yourself grieve but move forward too.
Plan for the future; start doing it tonight. Think through what you're going to do tomorrow. Then the next day. Then next week. Then next month...
Don't go hog wild but make the house and your life abt YOU and the kids.
Stay 'grown up' when dealing with the ex. Discuss things (as much as is reasonable) openly with the kids. Reaffirm your love for them (but don't smoother/overcompensate).
Stay away from sappy songs for a bit. Keep things upbeat and rocking.

And Yep keep breathing it'll help.
Lots of back patting and a quick hug.

Thanks ladies

Hassled - i'm glad u felt it too. Its like u don't know what u should be feeling. I think i'm also feeling quite daunted. I guess that's probably normal too.

Innerstrength - glad that 3 weeks down the line, u are still okay. Its really good to hear.

bebe - I've been quite good about booking time with friends & their kids at weekends, when i have the DS's. I'm finding weekday's harder, when i'm mostly on my own and I think that'll be the really tough time. Most people don't seem to like going out too much during the week. Maybe that's when my enthusiastic nesting with some loud music (not able to do that with kids asleep) should begin....

If u don't mind me asking, are your LO's a similar age to mine? How are they handling it? Are they okay? They are my big big worry. I do feel v guilty and I want to do all i can to make it easier for them.

Just make sure they know you love them and none of this is their fault. Try to avoid encouraging them to take sides. Don't be afraid to cry in front of them and let them talk as and when they are ready. Good luck. On bad days, remind yourself of the good days when you coped x

mine are all under 9 year's old. So far I have not seen any difference or effect in them AT ALL!! Think that says a lot about how much DH was (not) participating in family life.

I have also kept things upbeat and TOTALLY normal so nothing has changed in the routine AT ALL (even wanker ex DH taking them to activities on the usual days he normally would.)

I think your little ones will be FINE. They are at an age where, if you keep routine the same, the affect on them should be very minimal.

So, day 1 went well, although I'm knackered. Kept them busy all day. DS1 was v well behaved. DS2 was a handful, but then that's about normal for him . They seemed fine. I realise reality may hit at a later date, but so far, so good.....

Well done Jonah. Hope today goes as well for you. Sending you positive vibes.

Have another good one! I'm on day 2 aswell and we're off to see Shrek 4 and then out for dinner. It's great to be able to do what you want. Have some fun.

Day 2 has gone okay. The DS's seem fine. A slight bit of wingeing and misery, but I think that had more to do with the fact that I wouldn't let them watch Toy Story all day, than the current situation. Dreading tomorrow - saying goodbye in the morning and not seeing them again until Friday. ARRRGGHHH.

Littlecritter - sorry to hear that another person is in a similar situation. Hope ur day 2 went okay.