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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Kids first or you first?

11 replies

avocadojuice · 02/07/2010 18:30

I have 5 children, I love my husband and are in love with him and him me. I have feelings for someone else though. I have always loved him and always will. Do I stay with my husband and just have to live with these feelings and it is tough if it should have been me and this other guy, have an affair, leave and be on my own.

I know the answer really, I will stay and not have any more contact with this man, so how do I live when a part of my heart is somewhere else?

OP posts:
MuthaHubbard · 02/07/2010 18:43

is leaving and being on your own for a while not an option at all?

is your husband aware of your unhappiness?

Original poster
avocadojuice · 02/07/2010 18:55

He thinks everything has finished and me and him are fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
avocadojuice · 03/07/2010 19:03

Which we mostly are, especially when I have no contact with this other man. I know that is for the best but omg.

OP posts:
Original poster
avocadojuice · 04/07/2010 11:24

I am feeling very confused and annoyed.

Now I have backed off in my mind this om seems to have realised he wants to see me. we will talk tomorrow and I expect I will want him again but when i am with dh I only want him.

OP posts:
smerchant · 04/07/2010 15:21

Though you have feeling for om but i would advise not to see him and focus on your husband and your kids. You said you still love your husband so these other feelings can be contained without harming your family. Please do not see this other man and spend time with your husband and kids. Do not keep any contact with om.

Original poster
avocadojuice · 04/07/2010 17:07

It makes sense what you say and I will definitely focus on my husband and children. I know how this om has been able to get under my skin so will concentrate on dealing with that rather than seeing him. He wants to see me to see if there is anything there. I don't see the point as I won't leave my husband and I won't have an affair.

OP posts:
FabIsJustPayingAFlyingVisit · 04/07/2010 18:18

Happy mummy = happy children but be very sure of your decision if you do go. Don't leave for nothing.

overmydeadbody · 04/07/2010 18:59

Don't see the OM. Be strong. That is what marriage is about, it is about being committed even though sometimes you have urges to be with other people.

If you are genuinely happy and love your DH, and he loves you, then don't jeapordise it, there isn't really much point is there?

overmydeadbody · 04/07/2010 19:03

And I agree with Fab, happy mother=happy children.

CareerFriendlynameChange · 04/07/2010 20:05

"Now I have backed off in my mind this om seems to have realised he wants to see me"

He sounds like a player, tbh. Likes the chase? Is it possible that you see it as true love, he sees it as a challenge to get a wife to be unfaithful?

MuthaHubbard · 04/07/2010 20:14

give yourself a real chance with your husband as it sounds like there is still something there you can expand on and make better.

cut total contact with om and try and move all those thoughts and feelings towards your dh.

put real effort in - i know it takes two to make things work but if the worst happens, at least you will feel a little better knowing you tried your very best

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