My radar is broken when it comes to male/female relationships

[dragonboat]

So I need to ask about this:

Bit complicated background.

DP, DC and SDC on holiday. On holiday DP leaves early and relationship ends. Carry on holiday with DC and SDC.

During holiday man and his wife and 2DC arrive and I get talking to the wife, get on well and DC all play together. We all exchange contact details and go on a few days out all together on the holiday. All lovely.

The couple learn of my DP leaving and are very sympathetic. We agree to meet up again in future as we live in next county to each other.

Shortly after return, the man sends me email saying he hopes I am ok and that he sympathises because he and his wife had separated and that was their last holiday together as a family. Neither of them mentioned this on holiday but I suppose they did seem a bit tense at times thinking back.

Anyway, man and me have kept up a little bit of contact but very sporadic. He has suggested a few dates to meet but I've not been free. He has now suggested we meet this weekend and I am free, or could be.

Has always been about letting the children play together again and not about us seeing each other iyswim. The suggestion to ever meet again was his.

What I want to know is how to play this without making foolish assumptions or, er, missing a boat I may wish to catch?

He is definitely separated.

He isn't really my type because he is actually nice so I am telling myself not to write him off because he is not my typical bad-boy choice and see how a friendship goes. Because of this I am happy with a friendship through the children but I would like to be open to the possibility of him being interested and me allowing myself to become interested in a 'non-typical for me' choice.

Sorry this is a bit non-sensical - makes sense to me.

I want to make good judgements re. the situation.

So, the pouncing because I'm vulnerable is a concern.

He doesn't seem the type but I barely know him. We have only made contact about once every two months and he has ignored my messages for days and vice versa. There isn't much of a chase going on.

God he is probably just being nagged by his DS for a playdate and that's all.

tbh i would hold off. the fact that you are unable to read the situation tells me that you arent ready to. it tells me that you would also be unable to read any messages he sent you in future (he likes me, he doesn't, he fancies me, he doesn't). i would leave it a bit til you are more sure of how you feel and also more sure of what his intentions are (or anyones's for that matter)

mmmm I would be suspicious of his motives.

How are you so sure he is seperated?

That's an interesting point booyhoo.

I know he is separated in that it shows on his FB wall, and is freely commented on by his male and female friends (with a degree of sadness). So unless, he has a fake profile...with fake friends...

Also owner of holiday place was vaguely aware of situ. (I happen to know her and asked).

Could you not first check with his wife if they are, in actual fact, separated?

Yes, check with wife

Contact her (you were friends with her too on the holiday, yes?) and just ask

If you are going to see this man, it would be better she knew, whatever the situation they are in, don't you think ? Her kids will tell her, if you/he don't....

how well do double rebound-y things work, on average?

I would imagine, pretty poorly

No experience though

I would contact her casually - say he had been in touch and suggested a get together with kids - perhaps you and she could do same some time?

then see what she comes back with...it'll probably be obvious if there's unfinished business betweeen them.

The thing is I haven't got her number and can't find her on FB. She gave me her DH's mobile number for the holiday so we could meet up and do picnic etc. She even spelled her surname so I could find what I thought was 'them' on FB when we got home. Reality is, she was just furnishing me with all his details.

Hope they don't have pampas grass.

sounds innocent enough to me. I have a couple of male friends who've split up from their partners and they are often at a bit of a loss for something to do with their dc's when it's their turn. There are only so many national trust trips you can do, so he's probably thinking it would be a nice way to spend time with his dc's and that nice lady they met on holiday. It could turn into something else, so just take it easy and be yourself.

Even if he has definitely separated from his wife I think it's in poor taste possibly to want to date a woman they met when they were on 'their last holiday together'. Does that seem wrong?

just to me maybe.

Maybe he just wants to keep in touch? I don't hear any radical alarm bells from what you've said.

I think I may be guilty of thinking that if a man asks me to spend time with him and he is available then that means he is thinking sexually. I am not sure why I think this. I'm not sure why my ears prick up at the possibility of it being true either. Maybe a deflated ego?