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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

embarrassing sex problem getting me down ):

12 replies

ExasperatedNo2 · 01/07/2010 23:26

Hello. I have namechanged for obvious reasons.

I didn't know if I should've posted this in the 'Health' section, but I think it is affecting my relationship more than my health, so here goes....

Since a few months after my second child was born i have been experiencing urine loss but it only ever happens during sex. I have been pelvic-floor-exercising like mad to try and help it, but to no avail.

Because of this I have been avoiding sex with my P even although mentally I want to do it , I'm embarrassed ): Even when we do have sex it stops me from enjoying it as much as I used to, and P gets upset at himself because he likes to make sure Iam pleased. But I just can't , knowing 'that' may happen.

It is really putting a strain on our relationship. I finally told him why I didn't want to do it and although he was kind and reassuring, telling me it doesn't make a difference to how he feels about me etc and not to worry about it, I still do. He was really puzzled as to what I meant when I told him - he said he thought that was only happened to women who have had vaginal delivery , not c-section (I have had 2 c-sections) he siad "are you sure it's urine?" yes I'm pretty sure it is.
What to do? I know I should be grateful for having a happy life and 2 lovely DC's but this is getting me/us down...

OP posts:
ExasperatedNo2 · 01/07/2010 23:28

Sorry, forgot to add... sorry for the graphic detail. Going to go to doctor but just maybe wanted some reassurance i'm not completely weird/abnormal maybe? Can't really speak to RL friends about this, though did speak to MIL.

OP posts:
secunda · 01/07/2010 23:30

Well you can tell him that just carrying a baby puts a lot of pressure on the pelvic floor, not just the birth bit. I'm sure it will get better with exercise even if it takes a while. hope the doc is reassuring

Dominique07 · 01/07/2010 23:32

Only after sex?
He sounds really supportive.
Can you have wipes/tissues on hand, useful for any after sex mess and deal with it quickly?
Sorry that sounds like I'm dismissing the issue. I'm not at all. Could you face going to the GP about it or will they just tell you to do the pelvic floor exercises?

thisisyesterday · 01/07/2010 23:33

actually ARE you sure it's urine and not female ejaculation??

i was reading a thing the other day about kegel's actually not being good for your pelvic floor, because all the muscles need to be toned, not just those ones.
so apparently squatting a lot is much better for everyhting down there

AnyFucker · 01/07/2010 23:33

This happened to me, OP

I had normal pg's and not large babies, it is very, very common

Am glad you are seeing the doc as there is a lot that can be done

Don't be embarassed and good on you for coming clean with DH

Hope you get it sorted ASAP

I am OK now, btw

Dominique07 · 01/07/2010 23:33

Oh I see you Are going to go. Fingers crossed.

booyhoo · 01/07/2010 23:36

definitely get to the GP, and your OH sounds lovely. glad you have some support.

MadameCheese · 01/07/2010 23:39

secunda is right about pregnancy and pelvic floor. It's totally understandable that this is getting you down and you're not weird/abnormal . Your doctor should be reassuring and if he/she thinks fit will refer you to a urologist or nurse specialist who should be able to help you further. You're doing a great job by doing your pelvic floor exercises, keep persevering with those too,

ExasperatedNo2 · 01/07/2010 23:51

Thanks everyone (:

Hope they will be reassuring and take me seriously. When I confided in MIL she said she went to 3 different docs with severe problems, she knew something wasn't right, and they just said "Oh it's just an age thing, just do exercises (she does)". Finally the 4th doc took her seriously and diagnosed severe prolapse!!! grrr.

Don't know why it never happens any other time, just during sex? I was told once my womb is angled at a strange angle - maybe 'it' is pushing on my womb during sex and causing the leakage...

Yeah I'm sure it's urine. I have experienced female ejaculation and it's not the same consistency (sorry for tmi)

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/07/2010 06:58

Such problems are not all that uncommon so please do not feel embarrassed. It needs medical treatment and am glad to read you are going to see the GP.

If the GP is at all dismissive (and I hope not) ask there and then for a referral to a specialist like a urologist or gynaecologist.
Do not be fobbed off - you will need to be persistant in order to get answers.

roses2 · 02/07/2010 17:30

Can you try doing it in the shower? That way it's not so messy ;)

mathanxiety · 02/07/2010 20:13

Pee before sex? Sorry if you've tried this, don't mean to be flippant as this is clearly a very upsetting problem.

Keep on knocking on GPs' doors until you find one who will take this seriously otherwise.

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