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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So thats it then [sad]

17 replies

whoknows2010 · 01/07/2010 22:06

Been to Relate and finally got it out of DP {I suppose DXP now} that he no longer loves me, has no feelings towards me and doesnt want to keep trying.

I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach

OP posts:
lazarusb · 01/07/2010 22:07

I'm sad for you. It's like a physical pain isn't it? How did it get to this point? Sending you hugs x

AnyFucker · 01/07/2010 22:08

oh, I am very sorry

that must be very hard

Ronaldinhio · 01/07/2010 22:10

that's bloody awful
i'm so sorry

SolidGoldBrass · 01/07/2010 22:10

At least you know. No matter how much it hurts now, this is actually a good thing as you can now stop wasting your time and energy on trying to 'keep' him, and concentrate on yourself and (presumably) your DC. Nothing is more exhausting, demoralising, damaging and utterly futile than trying to make someone love you. You don't have to do that any more.
For now, sort out the practicalities (does he live with you? Are your DC his?), lean on your friends, be kind to yourself. It hurts, of course it does, but every minute of every day it's getting a little tiny bit better. You will get through this. Best of luck. MN is wonderful for support.

Original poster
whoknows2010 · 01/07/2010 22:14

I thought- stupidly that we were fine and happy, didnt see any of this coming then last week he finally cracks and tells me he isnt happy, I manage to talk him into going to Relate and it comes out that he doesnt want to be with me any more

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/07/2010 22:15

let him go

there is another woman...you realise that, don't you, love ?

Original poster
whoknows2010 · 01/07/2010 22:17

We have been together 11 years and have two small children together. Everyone we know cant beleive it, there have been no rows, nothing.

I guess its off to the council office to be put on the housing register in the morning.

You are right SGB at least I know now so in a way it does feel easier now I am not in limbo any more

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/07/2010 22:23

look after yourself x

jesuswhatnext · 01/07/2010 22:27

you poor love - been there, done that, all i can say is that you will heal and life will be good again, just give yourself time.

armbow · 01/07/2010 22:28

i posted on your other thread. keep posting the support on here is second to none.

Original poster
whoknows2010 · 01/07/2010 22:34

Thanks everyone.
It is strange, I feel sorry for him too, you can see how hard he has tried to keep things the same and it must be such a hard decision to make- either split the family up or be unhappy for the rest of your life and at the end of the day everyone is entitled to happiness.

there is definately no other woman though just no love left.

We are going to try our best to stay friends and co-parent as much as possible but I am under no illusions that this is the end.

OP posts:
armbow · 01/07/2010 22:39

I was nodding in agreement with

"It is strange, I feel sorry for him too, you can see how hard he has tried to keep things the same and it must be such a hard decision to make- either split the family up or be unhappy for the rest of your life and at the end of the day everyone is entitled to happiness.

there is definately no other woman though just no love left.

We are going to try our best to stay friends and co-parent as much as possible but I am under no illusions that this is the end."

We are 5 days in and he has given me the same reason for going as your h has.

I am trying to be civil and polite as I can't really be his friend right now. he has hurt me too much and i don't count that as friendly behaviour. Hopefully though as time passes my hurt will fade and we can be friendly again. i do hope so.

armbow · 01/07/2010 22:41

can you not stay in your home - i remember from your last thread that there ws an issue with that ?

Original poster
whoknows2010 · 01/07/2010 23:59

To be honest Arnbow it doesnt feel like home anymore, it hasn't for a few days now.

At the moment I am thinking a new start and new house could be a good think and when the kids stay with their Dad they would be in their normal rooms so it might be easier for them that way.

OP posts:
armbow · 02/07/2010 08:34

i know exactly what you mean - h and i have a joint mortgage and he has expressed a wich for me to stay in the home with the kids.

but it has far too many memories for me.

a fresh start in a new home is very tempting

hope you are feeling ok this morning.

Anniegetyourgun · 02/07/2010 08:48

Please realise, just because ONE person says he doesn't love you any more, does not make you less of a loveable person. Circumstances between you have changed, his feelings have changed, but what has not changed is that you are a person worthy of respect and affection.

ps if there isn't another woman in the wings somewhere I'll eat my hat. Unless you really are a bitch cow from hell, which I sincerely doubt. I can only think of one person I've ever known, or even reliably heard of, who left his wife purely because he wasn't happy with her. Even then I suspect he would still have been there being miserable if he hadn't had a close friendship with another woman (she was married and I don't think he actually went there, but it opened his eyes to what he was missing IYSWIM).

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 02/07/2010 12:40

Yes Annie. I'd eat my hat and my coat too. There is always an OW in these situations, if not embedded, very much waiting in the wings.

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