stbX, no communication, dd in hospital

[whitetulips]

How do I cope with the fact that stbX will not speak to me at all, despite dd having 8 hour op next week?
He will not let me know when he is planning to visit her, has made no offers to look after ds, and is generally telling both dc that he will never speak to me again.
BTW we have been separated since March, I left after our house was sold, he is shacked up with OW foreign tart new gf already.
All I did wrong was catch him and file for divorce!

oh no your poor dcs
Do his family know to visit her?

All I can suggest is make a schedule for you and your family to visit and bluntly let the hospital know the situation. They should be used to this unfortunately and can be sensitive to what your dd needs okay.

Fingers crossed for a good op outcome.

oh my god.

All his family will just turn up en masse when they feel like it. Trouble is, hospital is 25 miles away, and I could do without wasted trips.
Whole thing is a nightmare. I emailed him a couple of weeks ago, in a very calm and measured way, and asked for reasonable communication.
He sent back a vitriolic rant saying he was bitter because I took all his money. Actually I took slightly more than 50%, against the advice of my solicitor, who said I should have fought for 65% or more.
I wanted him to have enough to buy a nice house for the dc to visit, but needed to house us 3 too, on my lower earnings.
He says I left him with nothing, but he then chose to buy an engagement ring, flights and a visa for her, rather than new carpets!!
A question of priorities maybe?
Words fail me, I am under enough stress as it is with the surgery, and a house move, without having to sit in the same room as that arse!

What do your DC want?

I feel for you - you don't deserve such a useless excuse for a man

They love him as he is their Dad. I find it really hard to keep smiling when they come from his talking about what fun they have there.He does not have to nag about dirty clothes on the floor, homework, teeth brushing and bed times does he?
Today they have driven past our new house and he has commented that it is small! Well I know, but it was the biggest I could afford while staying in the same village for our dc.
So the house all 3 of us chose is too small, but I took all his money?? If I had listened to my solicitor I would have got a bigger one wouldn't I!
I know I should just sit at my dd's bedside and ignore him for her sake but goodness it will be a struggle!
I asked my dc to ask him if he would text me and he refused. My dd does not want to act as go-between, and I can't blame her.

You are your DD's mother, therefore the hospital will give you priority over your XP's family.
Is there someone else (either your solicitor or a friend or other family member) who can take over handling communication with your XP?

As I said before. Get the hospital on board they will have a designated nurse to nurse your dd and the whole ward will be made aware of anything that would impede recovery for her.
So they would be able to let you know that another visitor is here and then let them know how long to stay.

whitetulips - this sort of behaviour makes it very hard for you to be an effective loving mum but you need to be. Enlist the support of the hospital. Don't assume he has priority or his family do. You are primary carer here. Don't let his behaviour change you

Thank you, I will speak to the nurses on the ward.
I just wish I did not have to waste emotional energy on this, when I have so little to spare.

I am off to bed now, but just one more thing, there was another pre op visit this week, cosily attended by dd, stbX and stupid non english speaking girlfriend.
If she turns up I will definitely not be happy.
He really has lost the plot!

Depending on the kind of ward your dd will be on, it is likely that the visitors will be limited to 2-3 at a time. As her mum, you will have priority and I would suggest that you let the nurses know the situation. As someone else already said, they will have had situations like this before and will know how to handle it.

Hope the op goes well. It must be a very stressful time for you, on top of everything else that is going on.

Try to stay calm for your dd and leave the nurses to shoo away any unwanted visitors.

I will do that. I will particularly specify that tiny dark skinned non english speaking visitors are not welcome when I am around ;)
They have just turned up to collect ds while I was loading up the car in a sweaty not very attractive fashion, so I have now seen her. She is tiny, smaller than ds who is 12. At least she had the good grace to keep her eyes to the ground while she let ds into the car!
Dignity dignity dignity, I must keep mine, even though I want to slap her!