DP has told her that he's moved on - so why does he keep e-mailing her?

[venusneptunepluto]

New here.

Have been with dp for five years. There is a girl from his past who has a big crush on him still. He also liked her a lot in the past but they never got it together.

Recently she has moved back into town and is single. I have found out through facebook that they have been e-mailing each other. I was suspicious as one of his mates teased him about it. On the e-mail he told her he did like her in the past and they had a connection but he has moved on. He then told her that he was sorry that nothing happened between them but he guessed they were too shy. But then he ended the letter by saying that he would speak to her soon. What does this mean? I'm very upset.

is it? Sorry- wine tipsy.

Hi again,

I also read another conversation whereby she thought he was ignoring her, He told her that she should prod him if he thought he was ignoring her as he was probably just daydreaming.She also claimed that there was a frission and he did not answer in the negative. At the end of each e-mail he claims that he will speak to her soon.

i'm fuming. I want him to tell her that he won't be in contact again. agggrrrrr.

Erm, don't know whether I should jump in, but I'd be pretty upset if my partner was having a secret ongoing conversation with an ex. In fact it did happen to me, and the lies and the deceit which went with it were a total nightmare.

Would you do what he's doing? If not, that's your answer. He shouldn't be doing it.

No he shouldn't- I'm going to confront him. What hurts me the most is that he made the first move. He invited her up to our house then she strted crushing on him again.

Good luck

You'll probably get a lot of sh1t about not trusting him, you shouldn't have been snooping, etc etc but go with your instinct. It's amazing how someone who's got something to be guilty about can land up making you feel guilty about finding out.

Does anyone think it's off he invited her to our house or am I overreacting?

I think it's off that he invited her to your house, without explaining that he's also been having ongoing e-mail correspondence with her where he says if only about the fact they never got it together. I'd be furious personally because it just all smacks of deceit and being emotionally unfaithful. Again, if you wouldn't have done it, don't accept it from him.

Well he invited her up before the e-mailing started. I think he saw her in town, invited her to the family party, she realised whta she had lost and initiated the e-mails. He didn't tell me about the invite as we went out that evening. I found out through friends and talk as his sister is mates with her. I get on really well with the sister.

Well there's your reason for knowing what's going on - you don't have to admit to the hacking

I suppose if she's been to your house she must know he's taken, then. Which of course doesn't stop some people. I really do feel he hasn't put a firm enough lid on this and until he does it has the potential to go somewhere you won't like. Unfinished business can be a powerful attraction.

I definitely think it was not right to invite her to a family party. And it's definitely not right that he's emailing her secretly saying that he found her attractive, they could have got it together etc. Whatever he says - he's basically telling her he likes her, but that he can't do anything about it at the moment. It probably gives him an ego boost, but the fact that it's secretive and he hasn't told you he's still in contact (and saying dubious things to her) is not good IMHO.