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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

would this bother you as it is me now big time

16 replies

CRAZYCREW · 01/07/2010 12:29

Hi there just wonering what anybody would do in this situation...I have been with my man for 3 yera and shortly after our babies birth we split but we still kept quite freindly but he went strange as suffers from bad rhumatoid athritus now.

Anyway before we met I found pics of womesnt shoes and clothes on his laptop and when confronted him he said his step sn who is gay must have done it and i beleivd him etc.. he s lovely caring man but when we were together he could go weeks without sleeping with me which thought never normal but he always said he loved me etc...

Anyway we have not been together for 12 mths now but quite close- not sexual should i say and i was orting something out on the laptop ro him and he has been in dating sites and also bisexual site on aol. I want to try and see what he is putting but cannot as not have an active aol account or soemthing.

Anyway i know his logging on detils and knowing he was on the internet earlier i asked in the cht room if it was the room he was in earlier and it was... god i am scared now... what would you do and does anybody have aol so can log into this paticular room when i know he will be online to see what he is talking about or is that too extreme... to be honesthe is history so why should i be bothered but i do want my 15 mth old son subjescted to thingsif you know what i mean.. i am really scared and upste to be honest. Everybody always said he was feminine.
nicola x

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 01/07/2010 12:32

well, I can't see its any of your business if you are not together. And fwiw, being bi and/or having an interest in women's apparel does not a paedophile make.

Stop snooping and concentrate on building a good co-parenting relationship with him. And let him get on with his own life in private.

Tortoise · 01/07/2010 12:43

I don't think it is any thing to do with you and you should stop snooping.
If he is Bi or whatever i can't see how that would damage your DS.

Littlefish · 01/07/2010 12:46

Why would you be scared? Are you upset because you feel he wasn't honest with you while you were together?

I agree with the others. You need to stop snooping. It's nothing to do with you, and certainly won't affect his feelings towards your child.

TulipsInTheSunshine · 01/07/2010 12:57

are you for real?

His sexuality is none of your god damn concern and has no impact on his parenting whatsoever.

Your narrow minded and bigoted views however will be seriously damaging to your son unless you grow the hell up

EleanorHandbasket · 01/07/2010 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MadameDefarge · 01/07/2010 13:04

eleonore, this is, ahem, in relationships, not IABU. I don't think fuck off is entirely appropriate.

EleanorHandbasket · 01/07/2010 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 01/07/2010 13:09

The OP is being really bigoted, though. "Subjected to things"??? What the hell?

And what does pictures of shoes and women's clothes have to do with it? OP, you do know that gay and tranvestite aren't the same thing, surely?

MadameDefarge · 01/07/2010 13:14

much better eleanor

I do agree with your sentiments, however. But perhaps we can draw the OP to a wider understanding of human sexuality through dialogue and gentle challenging, rather than abuse.

.

Nemofish · 01/07/2010 15:04

Perhaps MadameDefarge, but this is mumsnet, where the vipers do nest.

IamBatman · 01/07/2010 15:09

why would you be internet stalking your ex like that?
what is it specifically that bothers you? is it because he's loooking for a new relationship or the fact that he has been on a bisexual site?

Anniegetyourgun · 01/07/2010 15:14

Is it porn? Because in that case you'd want to make sure he knows better than to have it on screen when his kid might see it. Obviously if it were child porn we'd be in a different conversation entirely...

MadameDefarge · 01/07/2010 16:19

indeedy nemo but I stress again, my take on MN etiquette is that we are not as, um, robust with posters we disagree with in relationships as we are in AIBU. I think its an important distinction. And also, I think telling people to simply fuck off is rather lacking in persuasion or politesse departments.

AnyFucker · 01/07/2010 20:22

OP, you are a loon

next

Coolfonz · 01/07/2010 20:25

CrrrrrrrazyCrewwwwwwwww....

Yes, you are indeed crazy.

Nemofish · 01/07/2010 22:12

Very true, MadameDefarge, OP has recieved a bit of an AIBU response. I think the phrase 'subjected to things' rubbed mners up the wrong way.

CrazyCrew, perhaps concentrate on if your ex is a good, reliable father to your son. As long as he isn't bringing a string of different partners in and out of your son's life, I don't see a reason to be concerned.

Mumsnetters can sometimes be very blunt, don't let it put you off!

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