Am I just being paranoid or should I be worried?

[IsHe]

Background- Dh and I married 10 years, 2 children. Not without our problems, but no history of cheating.

Has recently started working later. In his previous job he would do this alot (I worked for same company then so know he was genuinely working), but in his new job has not needed to do this. One day after working very late the previous evening sent me a text saying 'by the way copied you in on an email sent from work last night to prove to you I really was at work'. The thing is I had not questioned him working late atall. I know he can be very obsessive conscientious about his work and also that he had lost his supervisor (he's the manager) so was trying to do 2 peoples jobs.

Since then there's been several other things that have got me thinking.

He went away to a work awards night. This happens every year so I've known about it for a while, so that's all above board. But he spent a ridiculous amount of money while he was there (which we really couldn't afford). Company pay for the room, the meal and I think a couple of drinks, so noway should he needed to have spent that much. Probably would have just shrugged this off as him maybe being too generous and buying all his staff drinks, but then he brought home a menu from the hotel to 'prove how expensive it all was' .

He came home from it is a fantastic mood, all hugs and kisses for me, full of fun and wanting to spoil our children. Which was lovely, but way more full-on than he normally is. Since then his mood has being really eratic. High one day, really moody and snappy the next.

He's away again just now (work again). There is a meeting once a month that he goes to, but normally there and back in one day. This time though there was also a meeting the day before, so he stayed overnight. Called me to say there'd been a mistake at the hotel and it was overbooked so to secure his room he'd needed to give then our card details but it should get sorted out and the company will pay, but just in case the hotel take it off our account meantime he wanted to tell me so I wouldn't wonder what was happening if I saw it on the online banking. Oh and also he was going into the local town to get a couple of things he'd forgotton- in case I saw this on the bank too.

I had not questioned this trip away. I wouldn't have questioned any purchases. Maybe would have asked about the hotel room, but know that mistakes happen and as long as it comes back in his expenses that's fine.

There's several other small silly things that I wouldn't normally even think about, but when added with the larger things I'm starting to think somethings going on.

So, if you've managed to read this far, what do you think? Why is he trying to suddenly justify working late/ where he is and spending money all of a sudden?

He came home, then had to go back to work to send a report. Ds1 asked to go with him though, so I know it's above board.

I'll check the mobile bills tomorrow. The contract is up for renewal soon anyway, and we normally check before then if we're getting the best deal. Though I suppose I shouldn't have to give an excuse for checking it.

If he's met someone it must be through work, as other than playing golf and 5 a-sides he rarely goes for evenings out without me. He's not been mentioning any names more than others.

ok, this is daft. I need to speak to him. Or be more sure of the facts before I do. I'm going to drive myself mad with all this 'I think he may be, but then again...'

I'll check the mobile bill tomorrow, and take things from there. Thanks for all the advice and support.

I totally agree with wwifn and Anyfucker. I'm afraid it does look suspicious.

I would not speak to him about it under any circumstances (he would then just become extra careful, if he thought you were on to him). And even IF he is innocent, you will only look paranoid and suspicious, which will only annoy him.

Just act totally normal, and gather evidence at every opportunity.

Good luck. We are always three steps ahead of the fuckers.

good luck x

but don't you dare let your head get fucked about with this

I have seen too many posts on MN where women spend months agonising about "is he, isn't he"

it usually ends up that he is and was all along

your instincts are there for a reason, listen to them

Totally agree with Innerstrength. If you so much as let him THINK you are suspisciuos..he will shut down. He will hide his phones, change email passwords etc. I let DH know i felt sus and he removed all evidence.
You say he leaves his phones lying around, so what? He could have forbidden Ow not to phone him.
If she works with him he can just talk to her everyday at work. No need for phone calls.
You HAVE to snoop for peace of mind.
Women have women's intuition for a reason, if you feel something not right, then something not right.

How's it going today IsHe?

It's ok thanks innerstrength.

Have checked phone bills, nothing out of order on them. He's been his normal self. He left his work phone downstairs last night so I had a look at the messages and call log, but nothing there that looks dodgy. Feel horrible about snooping on him.

There's still a couple of things to come off the bank- moneys out but not showing where it's gone yet.

I'm not going to say anything to him. I'll just keep an eye on whats happening over the next few days. He normally goes into work at some point over the weekend. Think I'll maybe suggest one of the children go with him- see how he reacts.

Well done. Keep checking. Did you say he has TWO mobile phones? What about the other one?

DON'T SAY ANYTHING YET
wait until you have something concrete to go on. If he IS having an affair, then he'll deny it, if he's not having one then you could potentially upset the relationship more.

find out more info first. all you've got to go on is a hunch so far.

hes cheting