Helping other half get over drinking and depression

[Pumpsmum]

My OH has a history of depression and drinking. He can go months with everything being okay, then it all comes crashing down. He was sober for four months, during which time I returned to work full time. Well I've been at work for nearly two months now (on a four month contract) and he's started drinking again. He's going to counselling tomorrow but I'm not actually sure I can cope with any more of his outbursts. What is worrying is that he drunk and drove our daughter home from the childminders. My mum happened to be with him, he wasn't drunk but he had been drinking, so he could even have been over the limit. Drinking and driving is not something he's ever done before. I've had to go back to work because he doesnn't earn enough to pay everything.
I am scared out of my mind while at work - not good as there's a chance if I do well my contract could be extended and I could get the chance of part time hours.
I feel quite calm at the moment but I know in half an hour I could feel terrible. ANyone had this situation and come out the other side?

What are you getting out of this relationship with this man as of now?.
Why are you still there with him?.

This is no healthy relationship for either you or your child to be a part of and you and he would be far better off apart. You are not responsible for this man; only your own self and your DD and he has not taken care of her properly. You're just enabling him now, you're certainly playing a role as well in the merry go around that is alcoholism.

Alcohol is a depressant and self medicating with alcohol will only have a bad outcome. It sounds like he's being doing this a long time as well.

Whose idea was it re counselling?. Counselling itself won't help him unless he really wants to work on his own self and take responsibility for his actions.

I am with him because I love him and because he's admitted he has a problem, and because most of the time he's not drinking.
Counselling was his idea. 95% of the time he is a loving caring man who would do anything for me and our daughter. He's been working seven days a week to keep us going when I lost work because of the recession and he gave all his money to me. I don't hink we would be better off apart.
He did get an assessment last month during which he was told he was borderline dependent.
We had joint counselling during which he started to work on some of th reasons why he was drinking. I can't leave him, it would be a disaster for all of us.

I just knew you were going to say, "but I love him". I don't doubt that but you could end up dragging your and your DD down with him. What are you both teaching this child about relationships here?. He probably loves you as well but a long term problem with both alcohol and depression is not going to go overnight and may never leave him. Alcohol is a cruel mistress.

You may well love him but love alone is often not enough. Co-dependency is often a factor in these situations as well. You come across as being very responsible for him - you are not responsible for him at the end of the day.

Do you think he really means it when he admits to having a problem or has he said all this to you before?. What if he gives up going to counselling after a couple of sessions, says its too difficult?. What are you going to do then re him?.

What is the longest period of time he has gone without drinking whilst you have been with him?. What if he chooses to drive your child back from the childminders again after drinking a few?. He may or may not have been over the limit last time but why should ther have to be a next time anyway?.

You have a choice to remain with this man but your daughter has no such say.

I was very torn. After reading your post and thinking through knew I could not go on like this for the sake of DD. Last night made a decision to leave him, or rather drive him to his parents and have him stay there. My resolve is strong on this, I am thinking of the next few days rather than weeks and months. My mum is going to come round tongith and tomorrow to do the handover from the childminder (she normally drops my DD at home) and then at the weekend either I will drive him to his parents or his sister will. I just need some space as am feeling unwell with the whole thing too.