Please talk me through this.

[cabbageface]

I've name changed so I'm not recognised.

I knew when H and I married that he had 2 children from a previous marriage and that his ex wife would not allow him access, it caused him a lot of pain obviously.

Fast forward 10 years and his 16yo daughter has got in contact via FB, She seems really lovely (she's talking to me too). I've been supportive and acted like I'm really happy with it all (which I am) but it now means I can't talk about it in RL now I'm having a wobble.

I'm really happy about it, but I'm finding it hard to watch their blossoming relationship, I can only liken it to watching the early stages of a couple being in love and all that matters is that person, unfortunately it's all over Face Book and there is no hiding from it (which in a way is good for me I suppose). He "likes" every single one of her status updates, they comment about "loving each other soooooo much" with thousands of xxxxxxxxx and it turns out they were up until 6am texting each other.

Before you flame me. I KNOW this is great for them and should be expected, but I suppose I'm jealous or something and I need to analyse my feelings without involving DH, I just want to support him.

We've got DC of our own and he's away with work atm so I'm on my own and our only comms is FB and phone. I really need to get a grip on my feelings because I'm finding myself becoming increasingly passive aggressive and I don't want to ruin this happy time for him.

Slap me please!

Ok, here's a slap!

She is his DAUGHTER, not some predatory female trying to steal your DH. She has just started contacting her dad again, of course she, and he, are excited and lost in the moment of it all.

There's no reason why you can't say:

"Dh, I love you so much and am so very pleased that you and DD are back in touch/building a relationship but can we please work together to make sure we also concentrate on our relationship and that of our children" or words to that effect. You should be able to tell your DH that you're feeling a little neglected without it having to ruin his blossoming relationship with his DD.

Don't feel bad. Your feelings are your feelings. You're needs for affection and attention are unchanged- it's just that at the moment he has someone else to show his love to. Try not to feel threatened. The love he has towards her is powerful and overwhelming for him but it does not undermine what he feels for you. It's separate - he can love you both. He is just experiencing his feelings as are you. Get some support from friends and family. I would imagine you are feeling excluded and this must hurt - so find support to deal with this so that you can be there for him in the way you want to be.

Thanks

It's all a bit overwhelming I think.

The status quo has been well and truly rocked and I'm trying to adjust whilst pretending I have no feelings about it.

Agree with LisaD.

Have they met up yet?

Remember that as in all early "romances" - I know that isn't the right term but ykwim, time will calm things down.

In time, they'll have a barney about something and then it will turn into more of a normal parent-teen relationship.

No they've not met up yet. Not sure if they will for a while yet.

Her mum doesn't know they are in contact.

Remember they've got 10 years of no contact to catch up with, so it's bound to be a bit intense at first. However I don't think it's unreasonable of you to remind him gently that he must keep up the usual contact with your own children too! They may have had the privilege she didn't, of being with their father more or less every day for the last few years, but on the other hand that means they are used to that regular contact and may feel that he loves them less than their "new" half sister. She wouldn't want that any more than you do.