I left him and am now overwhelmed with jealousy about his new gf - and shes pregnant . . . .

[babykaya]

I left my dp of 6 years in Feb - we have one dd 3. I was very unhappy for a long time - he has lots of anger and self esteem issues which he sometimes took out on me, he was useless with dd and I've done almost everything on my own and I was very unattracted to him for a long time . . . .

until I found out that he has been seeing someone else for a few weeks and shes pregnant.

This has absolutely floored me and I feel like my heart has been ripped in two. I can't stand the thought of them together and of him having a child and a family with someone else.

(she is not keeping the baby so this is not happening right now but it has made me realise it will)

To make matters worse, we ended up sleeping together for the first time in a very long time at the weekend and I'm now so confused I fell like my head is exploding.

Am I just jealous? Has anyone else had these feelings about their ex?

I know he still loves me and would give anything to try again - and it would be so unfair of me to offer him that and then take it away again

BUT I can't stop thinking about him and wondering if we could make it work after all . . . .

You are just experiencing the thrill of the chase at the moment. I can assure you that if you do decide to take him back that you will regret it instantly. He is only attractive to you now, because someone else wants him. Stop playing games. Let the poor bloke go. Move on. And for goodness sake, don't have sex with him again.

Why do you want someone who is cheating on a new woman who is pregnant?
He sounds repulsive.
How do you know she is not keeping the baby?
He told you?

classy

thank you - you're both absolutely right

I don't see why he'd be any more of a catch second time around. I agree with the others that you need to be very firm with yourself and let him go. Perhaps your reaction to the thought of him having a child with someone else had something to do with your feelings of protectiveness towards your DD and a fear that he would pay more attention to a new baby than to her?

just to play devil's advocate for a moment... maybe it's true that ow is pg and aborting his baby and he's grief stricken about it???

Wants his old reliable partner back???

I don't know - and it's unlikely tis true - but there are always 2 sides to every story so the 'cheating on pg gf' may not be such unattractive behaviour as it seems at face value.

Discuss!

'Cheating on pg gf' is despicable, forty! There is no way it could be dressed up as 'attractive' behaviour, besides which, 'gf' isn't an 'OW', she's this pathetic excuse for a man's current partner.

OP, (OW!) extricate yourself and keep it that way, for everyone's sake.

OP, it's not true love, it's just territoriality. You're still in the habit of thinking of him as "yours", and of course he'll never stop being in your life a bit as long as he's prepared to be any kind of father, even a useless one, to your DD. If he'd been off working on his "ishoos" he might be a prospect for reconciliation. But he wasn't. He was just looking for another mug to put up with him.

Pity the poor woman, she's taken on all those issues that made him unpleasant to be with. Maybe he's able to be nice to her initially, the honeymoon period as it were, but it won't last because he's still got the same problems. I think you have to hope she isn't going to keep the baby, because he would only be a shit father to that one too.

No, fortyplus, that won't work. He really is a bad egg if he's got some poor lady pregnant, and while she has to face an abortion he's nipping back to sleep with the ex.

Why are you sleeping with him? Your OP says that you "felt very unattracted to him" what's changed? is it just that he is now "unavailable"?

He sounds like an absolute shit and I can't work out why the man that has a new gf pregnant, who is telling his ex that she's bout to face an abortion, and sleeping with his ex is suddenly more attractive than the man you had?

Maybe instead of thinking about him you should spare a thought for the pregnant woman he is cheating on. What a lovely guy

Thanks for all your replies ladies - it is definately helping me to get things in perspective. Re reading my post it sounds very self indulgent and a bit ridiculous so thanks for making me see how silly I'm being.

For some bizarre reason though I also feel the need to defend him a little bit! Although we had our major problems he's a good man and dd adores him , I loved (love) him a lot, he has just got a lot of self esteem 'ishoos' that seems to lead to some pretty rubbish behaviour sometimes.

What he told me - which I am taking with a pinch of salt - is that the pregancy occured after a drunken and irresponsible fumble approx a month ago, the first time they had slept together. This was what he told me, breaking down in tears saying how he couldn't beleive what a mistake he'd made blah blah blah. Us talking about it, what would happen if she had the baby etc led to us having quite a frank and honest discussion about what went wrong between us and then on to us sleeping together. (it was a moment of madness and I almost immediately wished I hadn't)

He had told me that since they found out she was pregnant he had been spending time with her and supporting her etc. I've since found out that 'supporting' her actually means sleeping with her and being in a sort of relationship with her.

So I think you are all right, it is cheating, lying and really shitty behaviour.

You're absolutely right 13moreyearstogo a major part of my reaction was fear and worry for how it would effect DD, he has hardly any time or money for her as it is let alone with another child involved. I know the woman and really don't want dd to have a half sibling by her. I think that if he was married and I knew that it was a serious/stable relationship etc, it would hurt but it might not have thrown me so much.

Anyway, I'm rambling, thanks for listening. think I need to stick to my guns and remember me and dd are much better off without him

It's not so bizarre to defend him, given that you were together for 6 years and had a child together so there must have been some good points. He might even be a nice man most of the time (when he's not having issues!), but he's not behaving very nicely in this context. You're right to regret the "moment of madness", but like I said before, habit has a lot to do with it. Guess you can forgive yourself for that one - call it the farewell performance! And then run away, run away...

If she got pregnant within a few weeks neither of them are very responsible tbh and there is every chance that the relationship won't last.

Sounds like you have had a very lucky escape and I feel so sorry for his pregnant girlfriend. I would hate to have a kid with a man like him. Hang on a minute- I do!

he is a shit

and you are a fool to go there

what were you thinking ????

chalk it...and move on

yep, a total fool and a definate case of wanting what you can't have. oh dear

It was completely irresponsible of him and her - and although I do feel a bit sorry for her and I'm obviously very biased - he also told me that she initially wanted to keep it because shes had four, yes four!, abortions before.

like someone said, classy.

I don't why he told me any of it tbh, he said he was just being honest but I can't see why I needed to know if she wasn't going to keep it

oh god, what a mess, it just sounds and feels worse and worse the more I write about it

think I better stop being a fool, going on about it and move swiftly on . . . . thanks again

BK...let him fuck his life up with a string of disasters

he shouldn't be confiding his tawdry relationship problems to you...that poor woman

tell him you are not interested in his stupid dramas and keep out of it

have the courage of your convictions...you are not exactly smelling of roses either

I know

he is a shit and so are you.....

let him go and suck it up and pray this sort nasty and underhand crap is never done to you

I'm looking at the timing and thinking that actually he has been sleeping with her for longer than he is admitting....
She is pregnant and has agreed to an abortion after only a month? So she has only just found out?? Seriously, this stinks.

Also, you seem to have forgotten why you left him.

I have no idea why you are being called a shit??
I don't think you should be run down for sleeping with your husband, breakups aren't always clean and if he has only known this woman for such a short time then surely it is a casual relationship at this juncture?

It is not you who owes his gf any loyalty, it is him.

I think that he is lying to you, I don't think this relationship is as new as he says, I thibnk you need to work on your self esteem. Did you have sex because you wanted to orgasm or because you wanted intimacy and to feel loved?
I think it was the latter and you can find that eventually with someone worth your attention. This man is mucking both you and his new squeeze around.

The sad thing is that his new gf is making a lifechanging decision and probably has no clue that he is lying about her.

Sorry, "sleeping with your ex-partner", sentiment is the same though married or not.

babykaya

Lets see if i've got this right. You slept with a bloke who you knew very well was in a relationship with a woman carrying his child. Nice, very nice. Whats even worse is the distinct lack of condemnation on here.

err, imagirly, have you not read the posts prior to yours ??

Its a horrible nasty situation so I can sort of understand why I'm getting some bad comments. My original post doesn't explain anything very well as I wrote it late last night when I was feeling very confused, shocked and hurt so I just want to get a few things straight:

I was in a realtionship for 6 years with this man and loved him dearly. After being constantly let down by him, lots of arguing etc I found I was no longer physically attracted to him and not sure if I was in love with him. I agonised for years about breaking up the family, ruining my dd's childhood etc and deciding to leave him was the hardest thing I have ever done.

This was only in Feb and since then we have been very amicable and spent lots of time together as a family but I did find I was happier on my own and knew that a happy, stable home was better for dd. I still have very strong feelings for him and a deep sadness at not being a family and being able to provide that life for my dd.

When he told me about the pregnancy I believed it was a drunken, one night stand and yes I shouldn't have done it but I don't think its a totally awful thing to do given the circumstances.

I do think he's lying to me and what hes done/is doing is really shitty.

Thats why I felt I needed some perspective on things as I couldn't understand why I felt so upset. I think I hadn't really let go of him and the relationship and am now realising that it is really the end. This is very hard and not clean cut.

Anyway, despite being called a shit!, this thread has given me some perspective on things so thanks again for your words of wisdom